Distribution Of Coal

I was all set for a nice little holiday message. I'm really in the spirit this year, so it was going to be uplifting and warm.

Then I had to read this story from the Associated Press:

A Hagerstown father says his five-year-old son knows nothing about sex, but the boy was written up for sexually harassing a kindergarten classmate.
Washington County school officials told Charles Vallance that his son pinched a girl's buttocks earlier this month in a hallway at Lincolnshire Elementary School. The school says that meets the state's definition of sexual harassment. Vallance says his son was only playing around and had no sexual intent.
School officials say the incident will remain in the boys file until he goes to middle school.
Citing state data, the (Hagerstown) Herald-Mail reports that 28 kindergarten students in Maryland were suspended for sex offenses in the last school year. Fifteen of those suspensions were for sexual harassment.

First of all, coal in all the stockings of the Washington County school officials and Lincolnshier Elementary School. Can a 5-year-old really know what sexual harassment is and how to do it?

But what struck me as outlandish (if the story itself wasn't enough) was the last paragraph. Are you telling me 28 KINDERGARTEN STUDENTS were suspended for sex offense? KINDERGARTEN STUDENTS?

And 15 of those suspensions were for sexual harassment? What were the other 13 for? No, wait. I don't want to know.

PC isn't just that thing sitting on your desk or lap (you know, what you are using to read today's rant). PC is a disease, a virus, something people wave around because they are afraid to take personal responsibility.

If these kids really are guilty of sex offenses, why aren't we teaching them right from wrong about this in pre-school so they don't commit these acts as kindergarteners? Yes, that sentence is dripping with sarcasm.

But this isn't. How can we hold 5-year-olds responsible for something they haven't been taught is wrong? And if you think the conservatives hate sex ed in high school, wait until they deal with this.


Ok. I'm done spitting for now.

Back to the warm holiday message.

If you are traveling, be safe. If you are staying home, be welcoming. Whatever your holiday season, enjoy it with family and friends.

Yes, the season can be stressful, but only if you let it. Do what you can with what you've got and don't sweat the small stuff.

And I'll see you next year.

Oh, well imagine/As I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor/And I can't help but to hear/No, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words/"What a beautiful wedding/What a beautiful wedding," says a bridesmaid to a waiter/"And, yes, but what a shame/What a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore." -- Panic! At The Disco

Sounds Of The Season

Have you noticed that as the year winds down that we all seem to speed up?

I’m not sure if it is the feeling of ending that comes due to another 365 days going by. Or maybe it is the crush of the holiday season and the feeling that there is so much to get done and not enough time to do it in.

Or as Willy Wonka said, “So much time, so little to do. Strike that. Reverse it.”

Why are we driven to jam the gas pedal down when we get in the car and curse those we fly by who dare drive the speed limit? Why do we cram our schedule with so many events that we barely have time to enjoy the one we just left?

As this year comes to a close, I find I am taking “forced” days off from work. These are days that are legitimately granted to me by my company, but that I neglected to take during the rest of the year. Use them or lose them – and next year, I’ll have even more vacation days.

These “forced” days off are giving me the time to really stop. I won’t say relax, but I have been taking the time to really feel what’s going on around me.

It is a daunting task indeed to force one self to really relax. It is somehow counterproductive to work at relaxing.

But stopping is different. It can be just a pause in the day to take assessment on where you are and what is going on at the moment.

Or it can be longer – to listen to the world around you and your own body. Really. It is talking to you but the hustle and bustle of life is drowning out the messages you are trying to send yourself.

Is this just all some Zen nonsense? Maybe. Except I never studied Zen. I have read The Tao of Pooh, which some say is Zen-like.

All I’m asking is that you stop and observe, listen, reflect, whatever. Enjoy the now. Then move on to the rest of your day.

Maybe you won’t hear anything right away. But if you stop often enough, perhaps you will hear something you’ve never heard before.

Oh, and thanks for stopping to read this. Many of you have touched my life in many different ways – some, obviously, more than others. But I value each and every one of you – whether we’ve never met and only “commented” on each others’ blog or whether you’ve been with me for many years.

Now, stop and listen. What do you hear?

"Maybe I caught you at a bad time/Maybe I should call you back next week/Maybe half the fault was mine that/The sun didnt shine on barrington street." -- Barenaked Ladies

I've Got The Music In Me

Burp!

How was your holiday? Travel was surprisingly light, but then again when you fly on Thanksgiving Day and come back after the weekend rush, what can you expect?

I am a big Monty Python fan. I love their series and Monty Python and The Holy Grail is in the top 3 of my all-time great movies.

I'm also a fan of their individual endeavors. A Fish Called Wanda was a hilarous movie. And while I have not seen Spamalot, I've heard it is definitely worthy of the Monty Python name.

Eric Idle (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more) wrote an outloud funny song that completely slams the FCC and their stupid rules on speech. Be warned: the language in the song may contain some objectionable lyrics -- but only to those who agree with the FCC pooftas.

Here is the link: http://www.pythonline.com/plugs/idle/. Enjoy at your leisure. And to those at the FCC, take it to heart.

Also on the musical front, we've all heard popular songs used on commercials. Even the Beatles music is being used to shill for the corporate giants.

However, this song was written specifically for a commercial. And it is one of the best songs I've ever heard on television.



Honestly, I cannot get this song out of my head. Help me!

Give it a spin/See if you can somehow factor in/You know theres always more than one way/To say exactly what you mean to say

Let's Go To The Videotape!

Happy Thanksgiving!

All this recent talk of food is making me hungry. I'm headed to Mom & Dad's to carve up a large hunk of meat with all the side dishes. It is tradition!

If you are traveling, please be very careful. The car you don't hit might be mine. I heard that 87% of holiday travelers are hitting the roads. That's a lot of traffic, so show some patience and you won't be a patient.

More tradition (but not mine): Black Friday.

Once again, it is my tradition not to set foot inside a mall or department store from now until after Christmas. Last year, I was successful in doing all my holiday shopping online and this year will be no different.

There are people who actually want to battle shoppers at the mall. I think those people are related to the Mongol hoards. I prefer to rise above -- and avoid it all together.

Seriously, somebody explain it to me. I'm not kidding.

And now for something completely different....

I have been on and off television for many years. I've been involved in numerous stories concerning the Web, plus stories about everything from cooking for singles to colorblindness.

Recently, I "volunteered" to help out with a story about men's shapewear. This is the result: http://www.thewbalchannel.com/video/10366344/index.html

Disclaimer: I am not really that fat. The shirt and pants were very small to accentuate what I do have in my gut.

And yes, it really was crushing my ribs. My best friend was there (I was trying to get him into this stuff) and he said it looked like I was wearing body armor.

The outtakes are fun. Only a select few got to see those. And no, they are not ready for public consumption.

This is called "taking one for the team".

Be careful out there. See you on the plump side of Thanksgiving.

"Sometimes I get overcharged/that's when you see sparks./They ask me where the hell I'm going?/At a 1000 feet per second" -- Radiohead

Step Into My Kitchen -- But Come Inspired

Elections are over. And I'm so happy. The bloodless coup is complete.

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In the nearly 20 years of television and broadcasting, I have to admit I don't watch a lot of television. The extent of my boob box viewing consists of cartoons, sports, and food shows.

In fact, I love Food Network. More specifically, I love a handful of shows on Food Network. My favorite show is Good Eats hosted by Alton Brown.

Alton's shows combine culinary skills with science and humor. It is quite good.

There is also another show called Iron Chef where two chefs match skills while preparing dishes with a secret ingredient. The flair and inventiveness amazes me -- although I will NEVER make ice cream out of fish eyeballs.

It is no secret that I cook. It is also no secret for my apparent dislike of another chef on Food Network -- Rachel Ray. It isn't that I don't like her per se -- I'm just not a fan of her methods, 30-minute meals.

To me, cooking is about flair, style, flavor, adaptation and creativity. There isn't a recipe I haven't met that I don't add, subtract, or change to fit my personality. We can all make macaroni and cheese, but how you make yours stand out shows skill.

Alton does that. He gives you the knowledge, the tools, and the skills to fashion together a group of ingredients into several different dishes. Takes a little more time, but it makes the dish your own.

Rachel doesn't do that. She tells you exactly what you should do with your recipes to get a specific end result. Quick, easy, painless, and slightly boring.

I get why people like her recipes. They are quick, use common ingredients and do taste good. I have made some of them.

But cooking should be about experimentation and inspiration. Cooking is art. You can't create masterpieces from a recipe.

Yes, I am a cooking snob. But you'll still eat my food, won't you?

And we'll have some fun too!

Too Much, Too Little, Too Late?

Yeah. Back to Blogger. Spaces is way to restricting. Sorry for the inconvenience.

======================

I'm very confused. But you are smart so I put the question to you.

There was a recent court ruling that said no can't mean no if a woman says yes to sex and the sex has already started. In other words, if intercourse has begun, she can't change her mind and then claim rape if the guy doesn't stop.

It isn't the ruling that is confusing me. It is the reactions.

Most of the talk has centered around no means no -- no matter what. However, there are those in my circle who said a woman needed to be more responsible and not put herself into these types of situations.

One friend said women need to take more control of their own body and biology takes over at a certain point. I can see where she's coming from, but it makes men sound like we can't think with our brains, but think with ... well, you know.

Another friend (who is on the no means no side) said it was like parachuting. If you get fitted for the chute, get in the plane and go in the air, does that mean they are going to push you out of the plane if you change your mind? Of course not, but if I'm already in the air, I can't change my mind there.

An unscientific poll on my work site showed 62% said no means no. But 38% said a woman can't claim rape after she originally said yes and sex has started.

I know what I would do. And I'm comfortable with my personal decision.

But I'm interested in what you think. Does no mean no -- no matter when it is said? Or should women be more responsible? Or is there another answer?

Leave your comments below. I just think this is interesting.

"Farewell, you fool/Spare me the punch line please, I learned it well at Sunday school" -- Jellyfish

A New Home

If you somehow ended up here, please go here:
http://teatouchemall.spaces.live.com/

At least for now....

In Your Food

Whatever you do, don't post copyrighted material to YouTube. Big Brother is watching.

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Do you read the labels when you go grocery shopping? I mean, really read the labels?

I'm not talking about calorie content or fat grams. There is something sinister with our food.

I get eggs. We all do. And they all come from chickens.

But did you know there are special eggs that come from vegetarian chickens? Who knew chickens weren't vegetarians already?

I'm not naive enough to know that farm animals aren't only fed grains. That's how mad cow gets spread around -- feeding bad cow to good cows.

But since when is it marketable to promote vegetarian chickens? And if you want to really get weirded out, think about chickens with teeth. That's just scary.

And a new food label has appeared on the horizon -- animal compassionate.

According to the Whole Foods Market Web site, any food marked as animal compassionate assures that the meat and poultry was:

Raised without added hormones or anibiotics.

Never fed aminal by-products.

Raised by farmers and ranchers who care about the animals and the environment in which they live.

The standard also allows for the use of electric cattle prods, but only in emergency situations. Like when the cows realize they are about to become T-bones.

I give up. What's the number for the pizza parlor?

"I'll eat dinner after your dooming!" -- Applegeeks

Mocking The Mockery

*** UPDATE ***

NBC caved.

(from the AP)

Backing away from a confrontation with religious groups, N-B-C says it has decided not to show pictures of Madonna mounting a Crucifix when it airs her concert special next month.

During her song "Live to Tell," Madonna sings from a mirrored cross wearing a crown of thorns.

Some religious leaders called that a blasphemous publicity stunt. Several religious groups told N-B-C they would organize a boycott of one of the concert's commercial sponsors if the cross scene appeared, and were meeting next week to decide which company to target.

A network official says it will use different shots that don't show Madonna during the song.

wusses.

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For those people who think religious fanatics only exist in foreign countries, let me tell you they are alive and active in the United States.

How did they get here? They were born here.

I'm not talking about the groups that we all fear will infiltrate our borders and blow up our way of life. I'm talking about the people who are afraid of Madonna's crucifixion scene during her concerts.

I haven't seen what she's doing. Frankly, that isn't my cup of tea... or Mountain Dew.

But NBC is planning to air one of her concert performances in November. And the e-mails have started.

In August, Madonna used a cross and performed a mock crucifixion during one of her songs. If you want to see what it looks like, click here.

I'm not saying what she's doing is or is not correct. She has the right to perform as she wants and people have the right to go or not go.

NBC, in that same vein, can show or not show what she's doing. They run the risk of people watching or not watching.

And the viewing public, as we roll along, can also complain, watch, enjoy, whatever.

But what really gets me is some of the e-mails we are starting to receive now -- more than a month before the concert.

Most of them are polite, requesting that we do not show the concert if it contains the crucifixion scene. I'm always amused by people who protest because something MIGHT happen, but that's just me.

However, some of these e-mails are scary. Writers are condemning anyone who works at the station to Hell, saying that children will mimic Madonna and use real nails, and "blood is on my hands."

Wow. Someone needs an Oreo and a glass of milk.

I'm all about freedom of speech. I believe healthy discussion is always good and people should have the right to express their opinions.

But I do have a problem with those people who will use dire predictions, threats, and outright lies to further their own cause. All you are doing is diluting your message and making a mockery out of what is likely a legitimate argument.

Making a mockery out of a mocking. How is that for irony?

"I got terminal uniqueness/I'm an egocentric man/I get caught up in my freakness" -- Aerosmith

Value Of A Hug

How much is a hug worth?

A hug can be worth volumes depending on the circumstances. During times of stress, a hug can show support and reassurance. It can transmit empathy and understanding.

A hug can also be a sign of affection -- a non-threatening way to begin to explore the limits of a relationship. Hugs can be the beginnings of something more.

Now, there is a twist.

How much would you pay for a hug?

There is a new -- I don't know what to call this other than what it is -- a cuddle party. Yes, hugging for money.

I found out about it because the station where I work is considering doing a story on cuddle parties. A quick Google search found the Cuddle Party site.

The site claims the parties are "a structured, safe workshop on boundaries, communication, intimacy and affection. A drug and alcohol-free way to meet fascinating people in a relaxing environment. A laboratory where you can experiment with what makes you feel safe and feel good."

Isn't this illegal in some states?

I'm sure there is some social experiment going on here. Can someone go to a place, pay money, and have physical (and intimate) contact with a person, then walk away at the end of the night?

Do we need more contact with others? Sure. Do I want to pay money for it? Only if there is a hockey puck involved.

This might be nice if it was with a group I already knew. Then again, if I already knew you, I'm not paying money to hug you.

I think they whole "paying money" thing is what is creeping me out. Are we really that desperate for physical contact? Or intimacy?

Or is this just the new way for singles to meet?

Ewwww.

Black Hole Sun

"Beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight." -- Yoda

I'm in a quandary. How many of you hold grudges? (1, 2, 3, ... ok, 10).

I don't normally hold grudges. They really don't do me any good. Most of the time, I forget what I was mad about anyway.

I'm in a mood to hang on to a couple of grudges that are simmering. Without going into great detail, I got disrespected, abandoned, and jerked around by a couple of people.

In the past, I would have reacted, and then gotten over it. But this time... this time is different.

It isn't that I want revenge. I wouldn't know what to do with a pound of extracted flesh anyway.

But I do want justice. There must be repercussions.

Is there a good time to hold on to a grudge? Or are grudges just a way to spin the wheels without actually doing any good whatsoever.

The good think is that I'm not obsessed about the people who torqued me. It is a switch in my head that flips on and off as I deal with the business of living.

But the dark side beckons... and I'm not ready to turn away.

"You are beaten. It is useless to resist." -- Darth Vader

+++++++++++++++

The next time someone says something bad about Cleveland, I'll have to correct them. It is all how you see the city.

I got to visit my "sister" and her boy toy in the city by the lake. If you really want to have fun, relax at the end of the day and tell everyone you visited a brewery, crypt and cemetery that day.

But not just any crypt. The crypt of a president.

I can have the best vacations! The idea is not to visit the tourist attractions and be willing to mix and match as you go.

Oh, and have great tour guides. Thanks, Mon and Deke!

Reversing Mirror

Fifth anniversary of 9/11 is over. Primary elections are over. I hired a news editor. And I'm going on tour.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled article.

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"Is this some sort of funhouse, Wonka?" "Why? Are you having fun?"

Recently, I attended my 25th high school reunion. Don't even try to do the math.

I really expected to recognize a couple of people, but not many. It turns out I recognized most of the women and nearly none of the men.

I'm not sure if the women didn't age that much or I just paid more attention to them in high school. The guys grew beards, expanded waistlines and sagged in all the wrong places.

This was a very unusual event for me. Normally, I can find a comfort zone in a group setting and expand from there.

I wasn't comfortable from the very beginning and I have no idea why. Kim and Joe both felt it and tried to help, but it wasn't good for me.

Was it mortality staring me in the face? Was it so many unfamiliar faces surrounding me?

Either way, it was unusual. I know I hadn't seen some of those people since high school. Maybe this was a sign for me to reach back and get in touch with them again.

Or maybe it was an indication that I've outgrown what I was, and become more than what I imagined I would be?

Or maybe it was just the fried chicken?

Don't Hide What You Can't Handle

"Heaven's gates won't open up for me/With these broken wings I'm fallin'/And all I see is you."

More after the holiday. Be safe.

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The Parents Television Council has filed an indecency complaint with the FCC because Helen Mirren said she was glad she didn’t fall “ass over tit” on her way up to accept her Emmy. And the PTC wants every NBC affil that showed it to be fined.

L. Brent Bozell of the PTC writes, “It is utterly irresponsible and atrocious for NBC to air this vulgar language during the safe harbor time when millions of children were in the viewing audience. People are getting sick and tired of networks allowing unedited profanity on their award shows in front of millions of youngsters, and with NBC this practice is becoming habitual.”

(the above paragraphs from Lost Remote)

Well, guess what? I'm sick and tired of people trying to tell me what is or is not vulgar. Instead of limiting input, why don't groups like this disband and talk to their own children about the use of language?

It seems that every day a new group or cause pops up wanting to limit something within our society because they don't like what is being espoused. Why not? Don't they know better than we do?

Of course not. Why should they have the say on how children are educated?

If my child (not that I have one, but just in case) does something unacceptable, shouldn't I be the one who teaches them right and wrong? But if the unacceptable material isn't present, am I not deprived of a teaching experience with my children?

I am also amused by the statement that millions of youngsters watched the Emmys. Really? If that is indeed the case, shouldn't we start airing the Emmys as childrens' programming on Saturday mornings?

The "holier-than-thou" attitude has to stop. We moan and berate the state of parenting these days, but yet, there are people who want to take parents out of the equation.

If/when I become a dad, I want all my options open. My parents did that for me, so it is the least I can do for my future children.

"Tinkle, tinkle in the car/You should really use a jar." -- Cheese

Signs & Lists

It isn't the Apocalypse, but musically speaking, it could be a sign of End Time.

Elton John announced that he wants to make a hip-hop album with producer Dr. Dre. Oh, my stars and garters.

In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, John said, "I want to bring my songs and melodies to hip-hop beats. I love these beats, but I have no idea how to get them."

"I want to work with Pharrell, Timbaland, Snoop, Kanye, Eminem and just see what happens," John said in the Sept. 7 issue. "It may be a disaster, it could be fantastic, but you don't know until you try."

Right.

I'm all for trying new things -- I do it all the time. And I'm all for the disaster/fantastic angle. But I also remember when Sir Elton did a duet with Eminem in 2001.

Ick. And yes, I like Eminem.

Don't get me wrong. I am a fan of the Elton, both old and new. "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" is still one of my favorite albums.

I'm just hearing more disaster than I am fantastic.

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A fellow blogger (thanks, Rex) directed me to a site that was started by six friends who were having a discussion about the end of our civilization. They decided to post their reason and ask others to contribute as they see fit.

"We felt this way not because of the inevitable dimming of our sun, or an errant asteroid, but rather because of the idiocy of our times," they wrote. "Frankly, we are tired of the fake optimism, superficiality, non-talented celebrities, doped-up athletes, dishonest and illiterate politicians, corporate thieves, wife-beaters and evangelical terrorists rampant in the world today and we decided that one way of making ourselves feel better would be to list them for all the world to see and to add upon."

An interesting premise and one obviously designed to generate more discussion. However, can I get a show of hands for those who disagree with the number 1 reason that our civilization is doomed -- Paris Hilton!

Hmmm. No one is raising their hand.

The rest of the list is a mix of political, cultural and weird indications why our civilization is doomed. I'm particularly fond of number 35 -- glow in the dark Taiwanese pigs and the fact that I don't glow in the dark -- and reason number 1,619 -- a horrible proposal to remake the Thundercats.

This is fun! Of course, several people put "Lists" and "The Blogosphere" as the real reason our civilization is doomed. Glad I could contribute.

"I've got a full bladder, half an idea of where I'm going; it's Tuesday, and I am wearing sunglasses." -- Bloo

What Would You Do?

Sorry about the delay in a new post. Work has been a killer. Know anyone what wants a job? http://www.ibsys.com/jobopenings/9274862/detail.html

The drawback? You have to work for me. (Insert maniacal laughter)

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Imagine that you are watching a championship baseball game between 9-year-old players -- let's say the Yankees vs. the Orioles.

It is the bottom of the last inning. The Yankees are winning by one run, but the Orioles have a runner on third and two outs.

The best hitter on the Orioles is coming to the plate. He has already hit a home run and a triple in his last two at bats.

The player on deck is not a very good hitter.

If you are the manager of the Yankees, what do you do?

Now, let me tell you this is a championship in a non-competitive league.

What do you do?

Now, let me tell you the player on deck is a brain cancer survivor with a shunt still in his skull.

What do you do?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The above scenario is true (except for the names of the teams).

Let me tell you what actually happened. The Yankees manager instructed his pitcher to intentionally walk the good hitter and pitch to the poor hitter.

The poor hitter struck out, lost the game, and (as any 9-year-old might do) cried after the game.

The game divided the town -- some vilifying the Yankees manager for pitching to a brain cancer survivor to win a game while others said the survivor shouldn't have been treated any differently than any other player so as not to attract attention to his condition.

What would you do if you were the manager?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

The story does have a happy ending.

The boy's father said he consoled his son and told him that Michael Jordan didn't make all his shots and not every athlete succeeds every time.

The son thought about it and told his dad that he wanted to practice so that next year, he would be the one they walk to get to another hitter.

The next morning, the boy was out in his yard -- practicing.

**End of Story**

"I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind/There was something so pleasant about that place"

Yummy Goodness

I'm only going to say this once and then I'm moving on.

If you want to get rid of panhandlers on the streets and corners of your neighborhood, stop giving them money. They don't hang out for their health. They hang out for your money.

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I am a foodie.

There. I said it. I feel better.

I've been watching a Food Network show called "Feasting On Asphalt" featuring my favorite television chef, Alton Brown. He is going across country and checking our road diners, teahouses and off the interstate food locations.

I get hungry watching this show. There are so many places to get really good food and I want to visit them all.

There are a couple of things though that he found that I just couldn't imagine eating -- pickled pigs feet and a brain sandwich. Yeah. He didn't like them either.

But he did bring up a good point: are our taste buds and palates so trained to chain restaurants and fast food places that introducing something different is so foreign to us?

New rule: find a new restaurant once per week or try eating something you've never had before. Make a new recipe, grab something from a little shop you probably pass by every day.

We should retrain our tongues and open up our culinary horizons.

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Speaking of eating and television, you have to watch this clip. It isn't the interview that is funny, but the reaction of the anchors at the end.



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On a housekeeping note, apparently there were some comments left on my last article that never made it to the site. I've beefed up the security on the site and hopefully we won't have a repeat.

If you leave a comment and it doesn't show up, please let me know.

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"Follow me into the desert/ As thirsty as you are"

Bring On The Heat

It is unbelievably hot.

It is so hot that I can't believe it.

It is so unbelievably hot that I can't believe it.

All done now.

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This portion of today's information is purely for the guys. If you haven't learned or experienced it by now, women are vindictive and evil -- especially when it concerns another woman.

I say this because I have been privy to witness come extreme cattiness lately. I make no judgments on whether it is warranted or not. Suffice to say, don't think that great amounts of revenge can come from very tiny packages.

It is a landmine that I want to avoid at all costs. I feel like one of the guys standing off to the side while Darth Vadar chokes the life out of someone -- this is cool to watch, but I never want that pointed in my direction.

=================

And in an indication that 12 is my mental age and not by any stretch of the imagination my real age...

I have my 25th high school reunion next month. I work with people who are younger than that.

I found out information about the reunion on a Web site (how 21st century!) where they had pictures from a previous reunion. Suffice to say, I didn't recognize a soul in any of those pictures.

They also had a section featuring classmates who have died since graduation. This struck me since I fondly remembered most of them from my high school days and made me wonder if I was a bad friend for not keeping in touch with them over the years.

A quick survey of those around me showed I was not alone. Most people keep one or two friends from high school or college, but most of our school chums fall to the wayside as career, new family, etc., take up our time.

There are parts of high school I want never to relive again (bromine gas accident). There are people from high school that I would like to see again.

And would they recognize me today?

And everyone knows when there is a nuclear explosion, there are zombies.

Dare You Not To Laugh

I had to share this. We all need a good chuckle.

Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse, without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

"In my eyes/Indisposed/In disguise/As no one knows"

Tragedies And Mistakes

It is a national tragedy! A mistake of epic proportions!

Now, your task is to figure out where those two sentences go in this column.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

McDonald's is pulling their Hot-And-Spicy McChicken sandwich. They said the entree never really took off after being introduced in January.

When I announced this in the newsroom, one woman said, "I didn't even know they had a hot-and-spicy chicken sandwich." Therein lies the problem.

Actually, I never ate one of them, so I really don't care if they stay or go. I've had better fare from other places, including my own kitchen.

But in discussing this news, my best friend announced he wanted McDonald's to bring back the McRib sandwich. I guess there is nothing better than pressed pork meat into a pseudo-rack of rib-like shape -- with a pickle slice.

I remember how messy those things were. They weren't better than an actual rack of rib, but somehow they were very addictive.

Drop me a comment below and let's chat about what other fast food favorites would be great to munch again.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm about to delve into something that I really have no business, but that's never stopped me before.

A dear friend of mine recently lamented about getting her hair cut. Not actually that she got it cut, but more that she got it cut off.

She had been growing out her hair and was quite happy with the length. She asked a beautician friend of hers to even out the back.

Before you can say Minoxidil, hair was flying everywhere and her previously flowing locks were now shorn very short. And I'm sure the tears were flowing as well.

In relating the story to me, she said what she truly dreaded was when her hair would grow out again and get to the "in-between" stage -- a length longer than chin level, but not quite shoulder length. She said her hair would stop growing for 5 months and stay at that in-between length.

I chuckled because I hear that all the time from women after they get their haircut. I can't empathize for obvious reasons, but I do sympathize.

And believe me guys; we will feel their pain and frustration even though we had nothing to do with it. Our best defense is to tell them (and rightly so) that they are still beautiful.

Then go after the beautician.

"Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design."

Can't Find The Way

Why do all medicine list "mild burning sensation" as one of their side effects? Just once, can't someone have "will eat your brain and spit out the rocks" as a side effect?

As you can tell, my brain has gone for walkabout. I've really got nothing this time around.

In one of my previous rants, I talked about how Warner Brothers was attempting to update the classic characters of Bugs, Road Runner, Taz, Daffy and others by making them edgier and more hip. "Lunatics Unleashed" was their end result and it was an affront to all my cartoony memories.

I finally (accidentally) stumbled across the show last weekend. Ugh. I'm sorry. Give me the classics.

=======================================

I did it. I signed up and am running a marathon in January.

There is still time for you to sign up. Come join me!

And yes, I did check with my doctor and she signed off on it.

=======================================
Speaking of which, how many people have general physicians that are of the opposite sex? And how weird is it during physicals?

=======================================
Never let it be said that I act my age!



"Mr. Gibbs... I feel sullied and unusual."

For The Republic

How did you celebrate the Fourth of July?

I spent it at home making Texas-style chili and defending the Republic from droids and Trandoshans. How better to celebrate Independence?

Hopefully, everyone did something to exercise his or her independence that was declared in 1776. Throw off the yoke of your oppressor -- sloth, overindulgence, whatever it is that is holding you back.

We can always use another Commando in the Republic.

It is also a good time to remember and honor those who defend our freedom. However, it appears that all freedoms are not equal.

A woman whose husband died while fighting in Afghanistan is now battling the government over her husband's tombstone.

The woman wants to place a Wiccan symbol on his government-issued plaque at the Northern Nevada Veterans Memorial Cemetary. According to the Department of Veterans Affairs, Wicca is not among the 38 approved belief systems.

Wait. Read that again.

Wicca is not among the approved belief systems. You know what is an approved belief system? Atheism -- the non-belief in the existence of deities.

This probably has less to do with the approval of Wicca and more to do with the appearance of the Wiccan symbol -- a pentagram inside a circle. Draw your own conclusions.

Regardless of what you believe, one of the basic tenets of our history is freedom of religion. And as long as you don't force your beliefs on others, go ahead and worship away.

But the government needs to get out of the way. They aren't going to win on this one.

The Brains You Were Given

When did humans become imbued with the power of invulnerability?

I ask because every time storms drive waters higher and higher, more and more people think they are immune from the dangers inherent with floods. And this isn't just a random occurrence.

During the recent heavy rains and flooding, five people tragically died in central Maryland because of raging waters. The real tragedy is that all five of these deaths could have been prevented.

Three people were swept away from the bed of a pick-up truck after being rescued from their car that was stuck in water rushing across a road. Two teens were killed while playing near a rain-swollen creek.

The warnings are always announced: do not drive across water on the roads and stay away from rising creeks and rivers. Yet, there is always someone who thinks nothing will happen to them and, invariably, does.

Is it because they don't want to be inconvenienced by a detour? Is it because rising waters are something new?

It is a matter of risk and reward. I know there have been times when I've pushed the envelope, but only if the reward was worth the potential risk.

Is the reward of getting somewhere 5 minutes early worth your life and the lives of your passengers? Is the reward of playing in rushing waters worth your future?

Even if you think it is, think about the people you may be putting in danger as they try to rescue you from something out of your control. And please obey the signs.

News photographer Bob Moore showed me some video of rushing waters in Harford County. As I watched, a vehicle attempted to plow through the water -- and nearly made the mistake others have made. Watch it and you'll see.

Only you can decide what you are going to do. Just make sure you do it by considering all the factors -- and remembering that you don't have a red cape and a big "S" on your chest.

Bigger Than Biggie

When is a medium not a medium?

When it is a Biggie.

Wendy's recently said they were going to do away with the Biggie sized items on their menu. However, before you start celebrating the death of the huge fast food meal, know this: Biggie now equals medium.

Their Biggie drink -- 32 ounces or 4 cups or 1 quart of liquid-- is only the second largest drink on their menu. The new large is a whopping 42 ounces.

Even the small drink got bigger. It now comes in at 20 ounces.

By comparison, at McDonald's, a 16 ounce drink is called a small, a 21 ounce drink is a medium and a 32 ounce drink is a large.

And it doesn't stop at the drink. A large order of french fries now comes in at 6.7 ounces -- just a shade under 1/2 pound.

So much for the slimming down of America.

The problem lies more within us rather than in the restaurant industry -- although they are enablers. We always want to make sure we are getting our money's worth and want more for our dollar.

So, you get larger and larger portions.

Forget about the fact that there are probably enough calories in one large meal to sustain you for the entire day -- and you are likely to eat at least two other meals in the day. So what if you have to buy bigger clothes or pay more to your doctor because you have to see the physician more often.

At least you are getting your money's worth, right?

But at what cost?

==========================================================

Okay, I promised you something this time. Here it is: Hawking says pope told him not to study beginning of universe

I'm going to ignore the religious implications on all this and simply state that anyone who stands in the way of the pursuit of knowledge is blind to the future. There is no danger is finding the answers to questions, but there is a responsibility to understand those answers as well.

Asking "why?" is mankind's greatest gift. Answering that question is our greatest task.

"You shouldn't kiss a horse on the lips before it gives you its presents." -- Omi

Jumping Off The Bridge Without A Plan

Yeah, I'm back. Miss me?

I know I've been a slacker. Between my international travels, physical illness and mental trepidation, I've ignored Touch 'Em All.

But no more. As a matter of fact, you are probably going to get more TEA than in the past. I've been saving up and the filters are off.

But first, to the guy who cut me off on the JFX...

EITHER DRIVE OR TALK BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN'T DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME! Oh, and your right rear tire is going down.

There. I said it. I feel better.

How many of you are trying to do more with less -- in the workplace, in the home or in your life? The pressures of success and failure weigh on us in ways we cannot fathom.

The big question: who are you trying to please?

There has to be a time when you aim to please yourself. So many times, we've caught in the web where demands from others trump desires of your own. It is when the balance gets so out of wack when anger, frustration, and darkness can grab you.

Knowing your limitations is key and not feeling inadequate when asking for help is necessary. There is a commerical on TV where a guy is wearing a pair of wings and standing on a bridge over a river. He jumps off the bridge and glides without effort.

The crowd shouts, "He can fly!" One older man says, "Yeah, but he can't swim."

Ouch.

Prior planning prevents poor performance. And that goes for just about every aspect in your life.

Next time: did the Pope really tell one of the greatest minds of our time to stop his work? And why?

It will be an ordeal. Canaries will go in first. Accidents will happen, and men will die. -- Penny Arcade

Great White North

This is what I've been doing the past five days.



I have bruises in so many places that there aren't enough ice bags to go around. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I learned a lot in my time in Toronto. Some of it serious and some of it silly, but all of it now a part of me.

Poutine really is as good as advertised.

Playing five games of hockey in 40 hours -- while fun -- is hell on the body.

The Hockey Hall of Fame has tons of displays, but keeps all the trophies in a room big enough to host a small wedding.

My wife has a more accurate slapshot than I do, but I can stop more shots than she can.

End boards at hockey rinks do not move and should not be run into head first -- even if I am being hooked from behind.

I cannot hear fans cheering in the stands.

Canadian beer is stronger than beer found in the states. While that wasn't new, I forgot that.

Blood, sweat, and tears isn't just a statement -- it was reality for our team.

There is always time for victory -- whether it is 4.6 seconds left in regulation, down by 2 goals, or needing a shootout win.

It took 10 Bulldogs to bring home a championship from Toronto, but it took 18 Bulldogs to get us there.

I can be too tired to laugh.

And I really do hate those guys.

I still can't believe we won. But I'm sitting next to the trophy so it must be true.

It's Hot In Topeka

The dichotomy of the human mind amazes me.

On one hand, the story of Barbaro and the outpouring of emotion and tributes to the racehorse are heartwarming. Even non-sports people were concerned about the horse and many signs are currently hanging outside the hospital where Barbaro is being treated.

All fine and good.

But as one writer put it, "And if Barbaro hadn't been heavily sedated, I'm sure he would have posted a note of his own after surgery: 'Thanks so much for the kind words. But I'm a [bleeping] horse, so I can't read, you stupid, stupid morons.'"

All from the heart -- none of the head.

I really can't blame anyone, but it is amusing when you look at it from the writer's position.

In another "moron" moment, a new search feature called Google Trends tracks how often people search for topics. An interesting little tool to be sure, but I really can't see the practical use -- yet.

However, in what has to be a quirk in the fabric of the Internet, the most searched for term in Google Tracks is -- Yahoo.

Yes, Yahoo is the most searched for term in the Google search engine. The irony is delicious, and very disturbing.

What manner of web visitor uses one gateway to find another? One that obviously needs a new homepage, more lessons, or their computer taken away from them.

And that started a whole new conversation on who needs things taken away from them because they don't know how to use them -- kids away from deadbeat parents, driver's licenses away from idiots on the roadway, baseball teams away from owners who couldn't put together an office softball team.

You get the idea.

Then again, some people probably think I need my keyboard taken away from me. Come and get it.

And right up my alley -- this clip just gets better every time I watch it. It gets into your brain -- so beware!



Pick my hot toe! Pick it! Topeka's hot. My toe is hot. Pick it.

Nose Knows

"All the leaves are brown/And the skies are grey"

It is official. I am 12 years old.

I have medical verification. My doctor said, "What are you? 12?" And I refuse to put the conversation into context. So there.

Apparently, I am not alone in hanging on to my youth.

Ladies, you'll want to run out and get a new perfume called "Eau de Play-Doh." Believe me, I can't make this up.

Hasbro is celebrating the toy's 50th anniversary by releasing a scent that is designed to smell just like the modeling clay. At $19 a bottle, Hasbro figures smelling the perfume will "transport people back to their childhood."

I didn't really play with Play-Doh much as a kid, but I do remember what it smelled like. I'm not sure if my sweetie was wearing "Eau de Play-Doh" if I would be intrigued -- or wonder if we opened a day care center in our home.

Scent is one of the strongest memory triggers for our brain. I know there are many smells I've encountered in my lifetime that I will NEVER get out of my memory.

And commercials on television show women jumping all over a guy after he gets a hit from a body spray, which I do use. I can honestly say that has never happened to me, but I do get comments about it.

Odors and smells can attract or repel faster than any other of our five senses. Now, if someone would bottle up a bar-b-que perfume for women...

I saw this quote on one of my web comics last week, shared it with some friends and now I share it with you. How you interpret it is up to you.

‘I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life *were* fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe.’

Bring it on.

And Here's The Pitch...

In the grand scheme of things, what is important?

Are you responsible for your actions? Do you step up to the plate and own up to what you do and the consequences of such behavior?

So many times it appears that people want to blame someone or something else whenever trouble arises or problems occur. Video games have often been the target when parents themselves have the power to control what their children play.

Recently, there has been much grinding of teeth and anger management class registration over rising gas prices. Some will claim it is greed by the oil companies while others point to the ecomonic law of supply and demand.

A news reporter who I respect greatly and I were talking about gas prices and electricity rate increases when she pointed out (and rightly so) that these are businesses who are supposed to make money. You can argue that they are making too much money, but as any business owner will tell you, you make as much as you can when you can.

Can we lower our gasoline bills? Sure -- drive slower, buy more gas efficient cars, make sure our vehicles are properly tuned.

There have been e-mails floating around about boycotting gas stations. That really doesn't work because people don't stop using gas for that day -- they just go get it from some place else, which raises its rates because of the greater demand on their constant supply.

It is a catch-22. Will we be able to get gas prices down below $2 a gallon? Probably not, because we aren't the only country using oil in the world. It would take a concerted effort by everyone on the planet.

We are a global society with global needs and demands. But we can act individually to control our own destinies. If enough people exercise control, who knows what can happen?

As I often say, you can only control your own actions. You can try to influence others, but ultimately, it is up to them how they are going to act.

The bat is in your hands. Step up to the plate.

"So this is how liberty dies - with thunderous applause."

Luminous Beings Are We

What would you do if a friend needed your help -- like moving a big piece of furniture from one side of the room to another?

What if they asked you to take care of their pet while they were out of town?

What about if a stranger asked you for directions to a place in your city?

Now, what if a stranger asked you to take a pill that might save them, but may hurt you?

Twenty thousand women did just that in a new breast cancer study to determine which drug was best in preventing the dreaded illness. The study looked at raloxifene and tamoxifen -- two drugs known for helping to prevent breast cancer, but with some very dangerous side effects -- for example, uterine cancer.

To find out which was best, 20,000 healthy women, but with increased risk for breast cancer, had to volunteer to take one of the drugs for the test. Remember, these are healthy women -- no breast cancer or other health ailments -- who are being asked to take a drug that could possibly end up giving them a dangerous illness.

If you want to know the results of the study, follow this link.

However, I want to point out how courageous these women were for volunteering for this. Most of the women cited a family member as reasons for joining the study. Others were professionals in the medical field who see what happens to cancer patients and feel this is just the least they can do.

In a world full of selfishness and rudeness, it is more than refreshing to find people who give of themselves for the greater good of others. Emergency responders do this on a daily basis, but it is the everyday person who rises to the call that makes that person special.

The agony of cancer is profound. The search for a cure cannot be far off. We are too great of a society not to be on the edge of medical advancements that will create a new Golden Age in our world.

Take a minute to think about how you are affecting people around you. Are you making the world at large a better place? Are you making your immediate surroundings easier for others to live in?

One woman in the study said, ""How often does just your average person get to do something that truly matters? No one may remember that I did this. But I'll remember."

What will be your legacy? What will you remember?

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."

Storm Clouds Approaching

Have you ever had one of those days when you can't keep a coherent thought in your head?

I've been having a couple weeks of those. Every time I think of something to write about, I've completely forgotten it by the time I get to a keyboard. It probably means that it really wasn't worth writing about in the first place, but there is a level of frustration that is building.

And the harder I try to concentrate on what I want to remember, the faster it slips through my mental fingers. It isn't that I can't concentrate on the task at hand, just those items I think of on the drive into work/home from work/to the ice rink.

A co-worker told me she thought I was very organized and together. She was being kind.

I have reached the point where I can remember quite a few things that require analysis. I am getting bad with things that are just memory things -- like my home phone number.

I figure if I can look it up, I shouldn't have to remember it. I just have to remember where to look it up.

Before you mock me with "getting old" comments, Albert Einstein once said he didn't remember his phone number because he could look it up and he wanted to save his brain for more important stuff -- like the Theory of Relativity.

I'm saving my brain space for the lifetime batting average of Cal Ripken Jr. (.276) or the conversions of teaspoons to tablespoons (3 to 1). Not quite the heady stuff of Einstein, but I bet my Jalapeno and Apple Glazed Scallops are better than his.

Eventually, the snowflakes of my thoughts will settle down and the storm whirling in my head will cease. But until then, beware of lightning flashes of inspiration and thunder rumbles of discontent.

"To let the brain work without sufficient material is like racing an engine. It racks itself to pieces."

In A Handbasket

Honestly, I do respect all people. It is just that sometimes mockery occurs because there is nothing else to say.

A story came out this week about a vision of the Virgin Mary that appeared under a bridge in Indiana. These types of stories have always intrigued me for a variety of reasons.

After checking out the story, it is reported that the vision was allegedly seen by a 5-year-old boy, who told his family and his pastor. The boy said the vision spoke to him and talked to him about protection and peace.

After the story got out, hundreds of people flocked to the bridge to see the vision for themselves.

Now I will say that I don't see anything in the pictures. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough -- or maybe I'm looking too hard.

Be that as it may, the story created several questions in my mind -- not the least of which was what was a 5-year-old boy doing under a bridge?

I was talking with a producer in our newsroom about the story. Disclaimer: Amy is Catholic, which always gives me a good sounding board for these types of discussions.

After some rather childish and probably sacrilegious statements, I asked Amy why people felt compelled to rush to a vision -- whether it is under a bridge or on a grilled cheese sandwich. My contention was religion is about faith -- and faith doesn't need proof.

Or does it?

Have people become so desperate for comfort that they will seek out physical proof of what they should already have in their spirits? Amy agreed with my assessment and really didn't understand it either.

I am the last person that should probably be talking about religion. However, people just amaze me when it comes to visions and "miracles."

I choose to believe in what I believe. What do you choose?

Metatron: Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, you're mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that out.

Blogging The Blog

Ah.

Stretching the mind can be a wonderful thing. Too bad I didn't do that.

Enriching one's life can be exciting. Too bad I didn't do that either.

Recharging the mental and physical batteries can be invigorating. Nope, not that either.

Do you ever get the feeling that you are just going through the motions? The world can go by so fast you don't get to enjoy the things that you want. It is just hard enough to keep up so you don't get run over. *Beep beep*

On the radar this week: there was a rather lengthy discussion about blogs and their place in news and television. It was interesting to hear from some of the "older" managers about how they just don't get blogs.

Not to disparage my senior counterparts, but they really aren't something that have points per se. They are the opinions, musing, and observations of the blog writer.

Some are funny, some are serious, and some are just out and out online diaries.

It is hard to figure out what makes a good blog. For example, NBC's Brian Williams was blogging while he was covering the Katrina disaster in New Orleans. It was interesting to read about what he saw, what he heard and what he went through while he was there.

Good stuff.

But now, the day-to-day stuff of a national news anchor isn't as interesting. And unless you are in the business, I don't know why people would want to read about the story selection process -- unless you are interested in a possible story.

As I write this out, I realize that even I don't know why people read Touch 'Em All. Do I amuse you? Do I educate you? Or are you just here for the free popcorn?

More often than not, blogs are just another way for people to express themselves. Readers of blogs will often find that they read those they associate with in some fashion.

But I've never been very good at fashion (being colorblind), so I'll just keep writing as often as I can -- and you can read (and comment!) as often as you like.

Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

Filters On

If you can't say something nice...

People can sometimes speak without thinking, react without planning and go off when they need to go on. The most innocuous statements can lead to biblical confrontations.

Even "well-intended" comments can cut wounds so deep that intense emotional surgery is needed. But where does the problem lie?

Is the person making the comments to blame? Do they speak without considerations for the feelings of the person listening?

Or is the receiver to blame for being too thin-skinned? Shouldn't they toughen up to statements that are intended to help?

It has appeared to me that no matter how you intended to say something, it always relies on how it is perceived. The listener decides what you meant and how you meant it -- no matter what the speaker's intentions were.

If I said, "You look great today," you can either take it as a compliment, or you can be insulted, offended or angry.

Therein lies the problem with communication -- whether spoken, unspoken, written or mimed.

And, when understanding and compassion are most needed is when communication often breaks down. The intensity of a situation often leads to assumptions, guesses and, invariably, hard feelings (which is totally different from hard cheese).

How do we reach a consensus? By realizing that it is more important in these times to make sure that understanding is a 2-way street. It feels like it is easier to just get angry about something or someone than to explore the meaning of conversation.

We all have the "fight or flight" mechanism built into our brains. But we also have the sense of compassion and understanding hard-wired into our systems as well.

Don't expect to make a change and have it work for everyone. We are all individuals and have different needs and desires.

But if we all try a little harder a little more each day to understand and be understood, would it help?

Affairs Of The Heart

Injury Update

The cast on my hand has been cut down so that just my thumb is encased in plastic. I am healing remarkably well and have had little pain from the original injury.

However, the pain I am experiencing is the most intense pain I think I've ever felt. The doctor told me that the skiing injury stretched out a nerve that leads to my thumb.

After the surgery, parts of my thumb and the back of my hand were numb. No problem. But now the nerve is healing and coming back to life.

I liken it to having acid suddenly poured inside my thumb. It is searing pain, but brief -- and I hope it stays that way.

V-Day

This Valentine's Day was unusual on many fronts. Personally, the love of my life surprised me and it was great.

I heard and read about many people who think Valentine's Day isn't really needed for people who are truly in love. The feeling is that if you show someone you love the proper affection and attention all year long, you don't need one day to overdo it.

I agree, but I still don't think you can neglect your loved one on Feb. 14. You don't need to overdo it, but just a little message to let them know you are thinking about them.

In some ways, it is a Hallmark holiday -- a made-up, over-commercialized holiday. But you can fight that feeling by creating something special.

A nice homemade dinner, a handcrafted item, doing something great out of the ordinary -- these will all be very nice gestures. And you don't have to feed the machine known as the corporate cash register.

If you already do these things, one more is easy. If not, there are plenty of helpful books to give you ideas. Some of them will even give you step-by-step instructions for an evening your partner will never forget.

Although, as I discovered this holiday, nothing beats chocolate -- except maybe chocolate on a tropical island.

Confluence Of Emotions, Part 2

And we're back!

I started to rant on Monday and stopped. I'm torn because I want to talk about people who write letters to television stations about programming.

On one hand, I think that the right of voicing your opinion is one of the fundamental rights of our country -- freedom of speech and expression. Strong, thoughtful words are often the catalysts of profound and meaningful action.

On the other hand, signing your name to a letter or e-mail that someone else wrote just means you were concerned about the topic because it was in front of you -- but not enough to write your own words. Weak.

And people who write about television programs need to realize they already control what appears on their television. It is called a remote control.

If you don't like a show, I guarantee you that stations will pull shows with bad ratings faster than lightning. If you don't like the choices, turn it off.

I'm not sure where in our society it became okay to sit back, fire off an e-mail, and think you've done your part. Or worse, just sit back and gripe.

More of us need to take personal responsibility for the world around us. Knowing how things work makes it much easier to make a change.

And now, I'm going to make a PR&J -- just for a change.

(Oh, and my injury was 2 torn ligaments in my hand from a skiing accident. And I'm not too old to be doing this stuff -- so get over it.)

Confluence Of Emotions

The stitches come out today. I'll actually get to use my left hand a little easier than now.

I'll still have a cast for about another 6 weeks, but at least it will be smaller.

On the other hand, I'll be moaning for a week about the poor officiating in Super Bowl XL. It isn't sour grapes -- it is just that the better team was not ahead on the scoreboard.

And while some of the commercials were good (Budweiser did a great job with the colt and the streaker sheep), none were really great.

I'll post more tomorrow -- after I get the stitches removed. I have a rant about people who .. well, you'll see.

Battered Wing -- Not The Kind You Eat

No new Touch 'Em All this week.

I had surgery on my hand, and typing one-handed is very tiring and frustrating. I know -- I'm a wuss.

But I'm on meds!

Next week will be better. It has to be, right?

Balance Of Power

I'm now convinced that the greatest invention in recent history is heated seats inside my car. Now if they can only find a way to heat the steering wheel.

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I have quite a few friends that are girls, which does not make them my girlfriends. Recently, they have been lamenting about how tough single life is.

What strikes me as odd is how they think they are somehow (flawed/not worthy/ugly/etc.) since they can't (get a date/find a man/umm.. you know *wink wink*). Speaking as a guy, did the pendulum swing after I got married?

Women, I have always felt, held the power in the beginning of the relationship. Women could name their own terms, because some guys will do just about anything to get a date.

(Read this column slowly. I'm typing slow due to an injury)

Now, women can afford to be picky. So, perhaps my friends that are girls are just looking for the right guy. If so, good for them.

When dealing in relationships, it is always good never to "settle" for someone. And I know there are plenty of "bad boys" out there that don't necessarily treat women the way they should be treated.

To my dear friends, hang in there. You are not destined to "be alone with cats" for the rest of your life. As it worked for me, sometimes you find the right person when you aren't looking at all.

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My beloved Seahawks have made it to the Super Bowl for the first time in their 30-year history.

And they get to pound the Pittsburgh Steelers, which makes it even better. Why, you ask?

Because I have quite a few friends who are fans of the black and gold. And a Super Bowl victory will be something I can hold up for quite sometime.

The "betting window" has already opened. I have a bet with the morning anchor at the station. If the Hawks win, I get breakfast for a week. If the Steelers win, I make my 4-cheese macaroni and cheese for her.

Food bets are always best. Yum!

"Everything in this room is *eat*able. Even I'm *eat*able. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." -- Willy Wonka

Suitcases Under The Eyes

"I'm so tired/I haven't slept a wink/I'm so tired/My mind is on the blink" -- The Beatles.

If you are currently tired, raise your hand -- or just grunt if you can't even get your arm up.

*Grunt*

Recently, me catching good sleep is about as effective as Wily E. Coyote catching the Road Runner. And we all know how that goes.

While I do burn the candle at both ends -- and sometimes in the middle too -- most of my problem seems to arise from just waking up too soon.

Difficulty falling or staying asleep is a common problem. About half of Americans reported sleep difficulty at least occasionally, according to National Sleep Foundation surveys. These woes - called insomnia by doctors - have far-reaching effects: a negative impact on concentration, productivity and mood.

Researchers have found that people with chronic insomnia are more likely than others to develop several kinds of psychiatric problems, and are also likely to make greater use of healthcare services, according to the NSP. People suffering from sleep apnea are likely to have higher blood pressure while they sleep and suffer from excessive daytime sleepiness.

Zzzzzz... I'm sorry. Where was I?

In the NSF survey, those who said they had trouble getting enough sleep reported a greater difficulty concentrating, accomplishing required tasks and handling minor irritations. Overall, sleep loss has been found to impair the ability to perform tasks involving memory, learning, and logical reasoning.

This may contribute to mistakes or unfulfilled potential at school or on the job and strained relationships at home. In fact, sleeplessness has been found to be a significant predictor of absenteeism.

Shakespeare in Hamlet's soliloquy: "To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; / For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, / When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, / Must give us pause."

I am not prepared to sleep the "final sleep" anytime soon, because I still dream. However, it does give me pause (as opposed to my cats, which give me paws or a bite in the ear if I lay around too long).

So, how do I know how much sleep I truly need? The NSF says if you have trouble staying alert during boring or monotonous situations when fatigue is often "unmasked" you probably aren't getting enough good-quality sleep.

I'm thinking of inventing a pillow keyboard. Now, that would be quality sleep!

How do you fall asleep when you can't? Better yet, how do you stay asleep when you are already in dreamland? I'm open to any ideas.

"Twist on to reseal"

Breaking Radio Silence

Miss me?

Is it just me or is going on vacation more draining than it is worth? I need a week to recover from my time off.

I thought about kicking off the 2006 year with a rant against all those narrow-minded people who are blasting whether television station should show a fictional comedy. NBC has a new show called Book of Daniel, and if I have to read one more e-mail about it, I'm going to pull the plug on my computer.

However, I read a nice blog from the general manager of a station in Louisiana that really does a good job. If you are interested, you can find it here.

The short of my take: don't like it -- change the channel. There is no such thing as "broadcast" television anymore. With so many channels to choose, you can find a channel to watch whatever you like.

But don't limit MY choices just because you don't agree.

Something else I came across which struck my funny bone was an e-mail posted on a gaming comic site that I visit. I thought it was striking in its accuracy, but humorous at the same time.

10 reasons Gay Marriage is wrong:

1. Being gay is not natural. And as you know Americans have always rejected unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.



2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.



3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because, as you know, a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.



4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.



5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.



6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.



7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.



8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.



9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.



10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Remember to keep your arms and legs in the car at all times. I have a feeling 2006 is going to be a wild ride.

What's on your agenda for the new year?

"The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do." -- Capt. Jack Sparrow