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If you can't say something nice...

People can sometimes speak without thinking, react without planning and go off when they need to go on. The most innocuous statements can lead to biblical confrontations.

Even "well-intended" comments can cut wounds so deep that intense emotional surgery is needed. But where does the problem lie?

Is the person making the comments to blame? Do they speak without considerations for the feelings of the person listening?

Or is the receiver to blame for being too thin-skinned? Shouldn't they toughen up to statements that are intended to help?

It has appeared to me that no matter how you intended to say something, it always relies on how it is perceived. The listener decides what you meant and how you meant it -- no matter what the speaker's intentions were.

If I said, "You look great today," you can either take it as a compliment, or you can be insulted, offended or angry.

Therein lies the problem with communication -- whether spoken, unspoken, written or mimed.

And, when understanding and compassion are most needed is when communication often breaks down. The intensity of a situation often leads to assumptions, guesses and, invariably, hard feelings (which is totally different from hard cheese).

How do we reach a consensus? By realizing that it is more important in these times to make sure that understanding is a 2-way street. It feels like it is easier to just get angry about something or someone than to explore the meaning of conversation.

We all have the "fight or flight" mechanism built into our brains. But we also have the sense of compassion and understanding hard-wired into our systems as well.

Don't expect to make a change and have it work for everyone. We are all individuals and have different needs and desires.

But if we all try a little harder a little more each day to understand and be understood, would it help?