The Cartoon Solution

I do a lot of driving -- to work, to the store, to hockey games, to look for a new house -- and I get to see a lot of drivers.

And I get to see a lot of drivers do dumb things -- not using a directional signal, driving while (talking without hands-free, putting on make-up, shaving, etc.), speeding past police officers sitting on the side of the road.

But I guess my biggest pet peeve is those people who don't know what "yield" means.

The Animaniacs, a cartoon favorite of mine because of the wit, did a very small bit concerning yielding. Bear with me.

Two of the Animaniacs, Yakko and Dot, were trying to save their brother, Wakko, from the Grim Reaper. The Reaper told them they would have to play a game to save their brother's soul.

In something reminiscent of a Calvin Klein ad, the dialog went something like this:

Yakko: "We accept."

Dot: "To accept is to yield."

Yakko: "To yield is to allowing oncoming traffic the right of way."

Dot: "Your breath is like the breeze off a landfill."

Yakko: "Food particles are wedged between your teeth."

And then shadow boxing between brother and sister begins. Great hilarity.

The point of this cartoonish example is the truth in their words. No, not that your breath is like the breeze off a landfill (although there is something stuck in your teeth -- ewww.)

It is those (not even) immortal words, "to yield is to allowing oncoming traffic the right of way." That does not mean speed up to keep up with the car beside you. It also does not mean to merge over into the lane of traffic that is CURRENTLY OCCUPIED by my car.

What it does mean is to wait for an appropriate opening -- possibly slowing down a bit -- and merge safely into traffic. I, as the driver in the main lane, will attempt to move over to another lane so you can get in easier, but don't go all road ragey on me if I can't do it.

Maybe this is all about courtesy -- something sorely lacking in our lanes of traffic. People who wouldn't think about butting in line for tickets (how rude!) wouldn't think twice about sticking their 1.5 ton monstrosity of metal in a slot way too small and at speeds that rival some NASCAR races.

Be safe, be polite and be patient. You have to yield to me, but I may choose to yield to you if you are nice.

Stress makes people notice the weirdest things. After receiving a call about another house bid being rejected, I just started staring out the window of our apartment. A squirrel carrying a nut hopped by, stopped, and started digging a hole -- presumably to bury his nut. I saw him jam the seed into the ground, replace the dirt over top and tamp it down with his tiny paws. He then sat up, paused, and began to dig the dirt all over again, where upon finding his treasure again, pulled it out of the ground and ate it on the spot. What does it all mean? I guess all that digging made him hungry. Just another surreal moment in my world. Glad I could share it with you. "So that's why you have a gas-powered garlic press? No, I have that because garlic must pay."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me or add a comment below and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.