Touch 'Em All

Tights And Capes

2007-02-20T10:46:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd start off with a couple of complete time wasters this week. These are just a few goofy sites that I thought were fun.

"Which Super Villian Are You?" and "Which Super Hero Are You?" are a couple of personality tests that give results in comic book characters. You answer a series of questions and it evaluates you with the villian or hero you allegedly most resemble.

My villian turned out to be Dr. Doom -- blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity. Hmmm. I didn't realize I was that vain.

My other top choices were Mr. Freeze, The Joker (now that's my kind of villian) and Lex Luthor. The Joker just seems so free and random -- oh, and a bit psychopathic as well.

My superhero was SpiderMan -- you are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility. Yeah. I can totally see that.

My other choices were Superman and The Flash (my favorite). Superman is too perfect -- not a big fan of him. Now, Batman on the other hand...

The other time waster actually can help you out when you are looking for a food choice. Say you and some of your friends want to have lunch together, but no one wants to make a decision.

Enter the "Wheel of Food".

Enter your zip code, spin the wheel, and your lunch decision is made. While there are some dubious choices, it is just for fun. Your stomach is your own responsibility.

I like the disclaimer though. "Ignore the advice of the wheel at your own peril. Avoid making sudden eye contact with the wheel. Do not taunt the wheel. The wheel knows where you live."

Oooooo. Scary.

And one final thought: shovel your driveways out to the road. The car you save may be mine.

"The kind of man who'd make a choice/For if I hold my tongue I'll never lose my voice" -- Barenaked Ladies

Allow Me To Introduce Myself

2007-02-07T09:33:00.000-05:00

Yeah, yeah.

What if I've got nothing to say?

True, I don't believe it either. But there are times when coherent thought isn't the best thing for me.

For those who haven't seen me in person, I'm 5' 7 1/2" tall and weigh about 160 pounds. I have been told I have an athletic build and my doctor says that she's happy with my body shape. Good enough for me.

I'm also in my mid-40s. Haven't had a full head of hair since my mid 20s and am gaining more scars that most people should. I also spend lots of time on the computer (for work, for play and for communication) and I play video games on my PS2.

Here is my question: why do people keep telling me that I don't act my age?

If I hear one more person say, "You don't act like you're old," I think I'm going to scream... or maybe throw a tantrum.

Yes, I like to play contact sports. Yes, I like to joke and have fun. And yes, I like beating the odds.

For all of you people who have some preconceived notion of what I should and shouldn't be doing, I think it is time for you to get out of my way. You are not going to bring me down just because you can't have the fun and adventures I'm having.

But you can join me. There is plenty of room on the fun bus. Just tell me what you want to do and I'm very likely to do it at least once... ok, maybe twice.

Oh, and I'm not old. It is not the years. It is the mileage (and I've got extended warranty).

"Why you act crazy/Not an act maybe/So close a lady/Shifty eyes shady" -- Alice In Chains

Clearing The Cache

2007-01-22T06:41:00.000-05:00

It is dumping time. Time to get rid of some recent thoughts without really getting worked up about too much.

===================

The region's first snowstorm was more fizzle than fantastic. We got a little snow with a nice crusting of freezing rain on top.

It was enough to create some slippery roads, but absolutely terrible to play in. And if you can't play in it, what good is it?

I even went to the grocery store on Sunday and there wasn't the rush on milk, bread, toliet paper that we've all come to know and expect. Maybe the public is becoming more sensible when it comes to snowy weather.

Nah.

=======================

The Colts are in the Super Bowl.

In my youth, that would have been a grand statement. I rooted for Johnny Unitas, Raymond Berry, Mike Curtis (my football hero as a kid), and the rest of the Baltimore Colts.

However, these are the Indianapolis Colts. I will say that I am a fan of Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy -- two class acts in the NFL.

I just have a reflex to detest the Indy Colts. I still remember the Mayflower moving vans taking my team out in the middle of the night.

But I really would like to see the Colts win. What is a Baltimore Colts fan to do?

========================

Last week, two boys were rescued after being taken from their families. One of the boys was missing for four years.

It didn't take long after their rescue for the families to show up on the talk show circuit. That seems to be the progression of things these days.

I just had a problem with the family and boy that had been missing for four years showing up on the Oprah Winfrey show. Not only was Oprah asking inappropriate questions (like was he sexually assaulted -- do we really need to know that?), but the father and mother admitted they had not talked to their son about his disappearance and what happened to him during those four years.

Are you kidding me?

If my child were missing for four years and suddenly returned to me, the very last place I'd put him/her is in front of a television camera. I'd spend as much time making them feel comfortable and begin the process of healing -- physically and mentally.

It was just creepy. And I can't wash it off either.

"Too alarming now to talk about/Take your pictures down and shake it out/Truth or consequence, say it aloud/Use that evidence, race it around" -- Foo Fighters

Brand New Year

2007-01-12T11:28:00.000-05:00

Miss me?

It is two weeks into the new year. How many of you broke your resolutions already?

I didn't make any, so I'm safe. I just wanted to continue doing what I'm doing -- the best I can.

But now I'm posed with a question. Is my best good enough? Can I do more? Can I give 110%?

Ultimately, am I the one to answer those question? Or are others in a better position to see my potential and my capabilities and determine if they are reaching as far as they can?

As you can see, more questions than answers. And even when I get those answers, I'll probably have questions about that. It is a flaw in my programming.

I'm finding more flaws that I care to admit to. Which is fine by me. I never considered myself a finished product anyway and want to be challenged physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically to improve myself and the world around me.

Lots of questions. Good thing I've got a brand new year to figure it all out.

What's on your agenda for 2007?

"The sun just slipped its note below my door/And I can't hide beneath my sheets/I've read the words before so now I know/The time has come again for me" -- Norah Jones

Distribution Of Coal

2006-12-20T07:44:00.000-05:00

I was all set for a nice little holiday message. I'm really in the spirit this year, so it was going to be uplifting and warm.

Then I had to read this story from the Associated Press:

A Hagerstown father says his five-year-old son knows nothing about sex, but the boy was written up for sexually harassing a kindergarten classmate.
Washington County school officials told Charles Vallance that his son pinched a girl's buttocks earlier this month in a hallway at Lincolnshire Elementary School. The school says that meets the state's definition of sexual harassment. Vallance says his son was only playing around and had no sexual intent.
School officials say the incident will remain in the boys file until he goes to middle school.
Citing state data, the (Hagerstown) Herald-Mail reports that 28 kindergarten students in Maryland were suspended for sex offenses in the last school year. Fifteen of those suspensions were for sexual harassment.

First of all, coal in all the stockings of the Washington County school officials and Lincolnshier Elementary School. Can a 5-year-old really know what sexual harassment is and how to do it?

But what struck me as outlandish (if the story itself wasn't enough) was the last paragraph. Are you telling me 28 KINDERGARTEN STUDENTS were suspended for sex offense? KINDERGARTEN STUDENTS?

And 15 of those suspensions were for sexual harassment? What were the other 13 for? No, wait. I don't want to know.

PC isn't just that thing sitting on your desk or lap (you know, what you are using to read today's rant). PC is a disease, a virus, something people wave around because they are afraid to take personal responsibility.

If these kids really are guilty of sex offenses, why aren't we teaching them right from wrong about this in pre-school so they don't commit these acts as kindergarteners? Yes, that sentence is dripping with sarcasm.

But this isn't. How can we hold 5-year-olds responsible for something they haven't been taught is wrong? And if you think the conservatives hate sex ed in high school, wait until they deal with this.

Ok. I'm done spitting for now.

Back to the warm holiday message.

If you are traveling, be safe. If you are staying home, be welcoming. Whatever your holiday season, enjoy it with family and friends.

Yes, the season can be stressful, but only if you let it. Do what you can with what you've got and don't sweat the small stuff.

And I'll see you next year.

Oh, well imagine/As I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor/And I can't help but to hear/No, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words/"What a beautiful wedding/What a beautiful wedding," says a bridesmaid to a waiter/"And, yes, but what a shame/What a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore." -- Panic! At The Disco

Sounds Of The Season

2006-12-11T17:56:00.000-05:00

Have you noticed that as the year winds down that we all seem to speed up?

I’m not sure if it is the feeling of ending that comes due to another 365 days going by. Or maybe it is the crush of the holiday season and the feeling that there is so much to get done and not enough time to do it in.

Or as Willy Wonka said, “So much time, so little to do. Strike that. Reverse it.”

Why are we driven to jam the gas pedal down when we get in the car and curse those we fly by who dare drive the speed limit? Why do we cram our schedule with so many events that we barely have time to enjoy the one we just left?

As this year comes to a close, I find I am taking “forced” days off from work. These are days that are legitimately granted to me by my company, but that I neglected to take during the rest of the year. Use them or lose them – and next year, I’ll have even more vacation days.

These “forced” days off are giving me the time to really stop. I won’t say relax, but I have been taking the time to really feel what’s going on around me.

It is a daunting task indeed to force one self to really relax. It is somehow counterproductive to work at relaxing.

But stopping is different. It can be just a pause in the day to take assessment on where you are and what is going on at the moment.

Or it can be longer – to listen to the world around you and your own body. Really. It is talking to you but the hustle and bustle of life is drowning out the messages you are trying to send yourself.

Is this just all some Zen nonsense? Maybe. Except I never studied Zen. I have read The Tao of Pooh, which some say is Zen-like.

All I’m asking is that you stop and observe, listen, reflect, whatever. Enjoy the now. Then move on to the rest of your day.

Maybe you won’t hear anything right away. But if you stop often enough, perhaps you will hear something you’ve never heard before.

Oh, and thanks for stopping to read this. Many of you have touched my life in many different ways – some, obviously, more than others. But I value each and every one of you – whether we’ve never met and only “commented” on each others’ blog or whether you’ve been with me for many years.

Now, stop and listen. What do you hear?

"Maybe I caught you at a bad time/Maybe I should call you back next week/Maybe half the fault was mine that/The sun didnt shine on barrington street." -- Barenaked Ladies

I've Got The Music In Me

2006-12-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

Burp!

How was your holiday? Travel was surprisingly light, but then again when you fly on Thanksgiving Day and come back after the weekend rush, what can you expect?

I am a big Monty Python fan. I love their series and Monty Python and The Holy Grail is in the top 3 of my all-time great movies.

I'm also a fan of their individual endeavors. A Fish Called Wanda was a hilarous movie. And while I have not seen Spamalot, I've heard it is definitely worthy of the Monty Python name.

Eric Idle (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more) wrote an outloud funny song that completely slams the FCC and their stupid rules on speech. Be warned: the language in the song may contain some objectionable lyrics -- but only to those who agree with the FCC pooftas.

Here is the link: http://www.pythonline.com/plugs/idle/. Enjoy at your leisure. And to those at the FCC, take it to heart.

Also on the musical front, we've all heard popular songs used on commercials. Even the Beatles music is being used to shill for the corporate giants.

However, this song was written specifically for a commercial. And it is one of the best songs I've ever heard on television.

Honestly, I cannot get this song out of my head. Help me!

Give it a spin/See if you can somehow factor in/You know theres always more than one way/To say exactly what you mean to say

Let's Go To The Videotape!

2006-11-22T09:03:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

All this recent talk of food is making me hungry. I'm headed to Mom & Dad's to carve up a large hunk of meat with all the side dishes. It is tradition!

If you are traveling, please be very careful. The car you don't hit might be mine. I heard that 87% of holiday travelers are hitting the roads. That's a lot of traffic, so show some patience and you won't be a patient.

More tradition (but not mine): Black Friday.

Once again, it is my tradition not to set foot inside a mall or department store from now until after Christmas. Last year, I was successful in doing all my holiday shopping online and this year will be no different.

There are people who actually want to battle shoppers at the mall. I think those people are related to the Mongol hoards. I prefer to rise above -- and avoid it all together.

Seriously, somebody explain it to me. I'm not kidding.

And now for something completely different....

I have been on and off television for many years. I've been involved in numerous stories concerning the Web, plus stories about everything from cooking for singles to colorblindness.

Recently, I "volunteered" to help out with a story about men's shapewear. This is the result: http://www.thewbalchannel.com/video/10366344/index.html

Disclaimer: I am not really that fat. The shirt and pants were very small to accentuate what I do have in my gut.

And yes, it really was crushing my ribs. My best friend was there (I was trying to get him into this stuff) and he said it looked like I was wearing body armor.

The outtakes are fun. Only a select few got to see those. And no, they are not ready for public consumption.

This is called "taking one for the team".

Be careful out there. See you on the plump side of Thanksgiving.

"Sometimes I get overcharged/that's when you see sparks./They ask me where the hell I'm going?/At a 1000 feet per second" -- Radiohead

Step Into My Kitchen -- But Come Inspired

2006-11-14T09:02:00.000-05:00

Elections are over. And I'm so happy. The bloodless coup is complete.

===================================

In the nearly 20 years of television and broadcasting, I have to admit I don't watch a lot of television. The extent of my boob box viewing consists of cartoons, sports, and food shows.

In fact, I love Food Network. More specifically, I love a handful of shows on Food Network. My favorite show is Good Eats hosted by Alton Brown.

Alton's shows combine culinary skills with science and humor. It is quite good.

There is also another show called Iron Chef where two chefs match skills while preparing dishes with a secret ingredient. The flair and inventiveness amazes me -- although I will NEVER make ice cream out of fish eyeballs.

It is no secret that I cook. It is also no secret for my apparent dislike of another chef on Food Network -- Rachel Ray. It isn't that I don't like her per se -- I'm just not a fan of her methods, 30-minute meals.

To me, cooking is about flair, style, flavor, adaptation and creativity. There isn't a recipe I haven't met that I don't add, subtract, or change to fit my personality. We can all make macaroni and cheese, but how you make yours stand out shows skill.

Alton does that. He gives you the knowledge, the tools, and the skills to fashion together a group of ingredients into several different dishes. Takes a little more time, but it makes the dish your own.

Rachel doesn't do that. She tells you exactly what you should do with your recipes to get a specific end result. Quick, easy, painless, and slightly boring.

I get why people like her recipes. They are quick, use common ingredients and do taste good. I have made some of them.

But cooking should be about experimentation and inspiration. Cooking is art. You can't create masterpieces from a recipe.

Yes, I am a cooking snob. But you'll still eat my food, won't you?

And we'll have some fun too!

Too Much, Too Little, Too Late?

2006-11-01T10:35:00.000-05:00

Yeah. Back to Blogger. Spaces is way to restricting. Sorry for the inconvenience.

======================

I'm very confused. But you are smart so I put the question to you.

There was a recent court ruling that said no can't mean no if a woman says yes to sex and the sex has already started. In other words, if intercourse has begun, she can't change her mind and then claim rape if the guy doesn't stop.

It isn't the ruling that is confusing me. It is the reactions.

Most of the talk has centered around no means no -- no matter what. However, there are those in my circle who said a woman needed to be more responsible and not put herself into these types of situations.

One friend said women need to take more control of their own body and biology takes over at a certain point. I can see where she's coming from, but it makes men sound like we can't think with our brains, but think with ... well, you know.

Another friend (who is on the no means no side) said it was like parachuting. If you get fitted for the chute, get in the plane and go in the air, does that mean they are going to push you out of the plane if you change your mind? Of course not, but if I'm already in the air, I can't change my mind there.

An unscientific poll on my work site showed 62% said no means no. But 38% said a woman can't claim rape after she originally said yes and sex has started.

I know what I would do. And I'm comfortable with my personal decision.

But I'm interested in what you think. Does no mean no -- no matter when it is said? Or should women be more responsible? Or is there another answer?

Leave your comments below. I just think this is interesting.

"Farewell, you fool/Spare me the punch line please, I learned it well at Sunday school" -- Jellyfish

A New Home

2006-10-27T10:50:00.000-04:00

If you somehow ended up here, please go here:
http://teatouchemall.spaces.live.com/

At least for now....

In Your Food

2006-10-24T07:38:00.000-04:00

Whatever you do, don't post copyrighted material to YouTube. Big Brother is watching.

---------------------------------------

Do you read the labels when you go grocery shopping? I mean, really read the labels?

I'm not talking about calorie content or fat grams. There is something sinister with our food.

I get eggs. We all do. And they all come from chickens.

But did you know there are special eggs that come from vegetarian chickens? Who knew chickens weren't vegetarians already?

I'm not naive enough to know that farm animals aren't only fed grains. That's how mad cow gets spread around -- feeding bad cow to good cows.

But since when is it marketable to promote vegetarian chickens? And if you want to really get weirded out, think about chickens with teeth. That's just scary.

And a new food label has appeared on the horizon -- animal compassionate.

According to the Whole Foods Market Web site, any food marked as animal compassionate assures that the meat and poultry was:

Raised without added hormones or anibiotics.

Never fed aminal by-products.

Raised by farmers and ranchers who care about the animals and the environment in which they live.

The standard also allows for the use of electric cattle prods, but only in emergency situations. Like when the cows realize they are about to become T-bones.

I give up. What's the number for the pizza parlor?

"I'll eat dinner after your dooming!" -- Applegeeks

Mocking The Mockery

2006-10-16T10:04:00.000-04:00

*** UPDATE ***

NBC caved.

(from the AP)

Backing away from a confrontation with religious groups, N-B-C says it has decided not to show pictures of Madonna mounting a Crucifix when it airs her concert special next month.

During her song "Live to Tell," Madonna sings from a mirrored cross wearing a crown of thorns.

Some religious leaders called that a blasphemous publicity stunt. Several religious groups told N-B-C they would organize a boycott of one of the concert's commercial sponsors if the cross scene appeared, and were meeting next week to decide which company to target.

A network official says it will use different shots that don't show Madonna during the song.

wusses.

-----------------------------------

For those people who think religious fanatics only exist in foreign countries, let me tell you they are alive and active in the United States.

How did they get here? They were born here.

I'm not talking about the groups that we all fear will infiltrate our borders and blow up our way of life. I'm talking about the people who are afraid of Madonna's crucifixion scene during her concerts.

I haven't seen what she's doing. Frankly, that isn't my cup of tea... or Mountain Dew.

But NBC is planning to air one of her concert performances in November. And the e-mails have started.

In August, Madonna used a cross and performed a mock crucifixion during one of her songs. If you want to see what it looks like, click here.

I'm not saying what she's doing is or is not correct. She has the right to perform as she wants and people have the right to go or not go.

NBC, in that same vein, can show or not show what she's doing. They run the risk of people watching or not watching.

And the viewing public, as we roll along, can also complain, watch, enjoy, whatever.

But what really gets me is some of the e-mails we are starting to receive now -- more than a month before the concert.

Most of them are polite, requesting that we do not show the concert if it contains the crucifixion scene. I'm always amused by people who protest because something MIGHT happen, but that's just me.

However, some of these e-mails are scary. Writers are condemning anyone who works at the station to Hell, saying that children will mimic Madonna and use real nails, and "blood is on my hands."

Wow. Someone needs an Oreo and a glass of milk.

I'm all about freedom of speech. I believe healthy discussion is always good and people should have the right to express their opinions.

But I do have a problem with those people who will use dire predictions, threats, and outright lies to further their own cause. All you are doing is diluting your message and making a mockery out of what is likely a legitimate argument.

Making a mockery out of a mocking. How is that for irony?

"I got terminal uniqueness/I'm an egocentric man/I get caught up in my freakness" -- Aerosmith

Value Of A Hug

2006-10-10T09:06:00.000-04:00

How much is a hug worth?

A hug can be worth volumes depending on the circumstances. During times of stress, a hug can show support and reassurance. It can transmit empathy and understanding.

A hug can also be a sign of affection -- a non-threatening way to begin to explore the limits of a relationship. Hugs can be the beginnings of something more.

Now, there is a twist.

How much would you pay for a hug?

There is a new -- I don't know what to call this other than what it is -- a cuddle party. Yes, hugging for money.

I found out about it because the station where I work is considering doing a story on cuddle parties. A quick Google search found the Cuddle Party site.

The site claims the parties are "a structured, safe workshop on boundaries, communication, intimacy and affection. A drug and alcohol-free way to meet fascinating people in a relaxing environment. A laboratory where you can experiment with what makes you feel safe and feel good."

Isn't this illegal in some states?

I'm sure there is some social experiment going on here. Can someone go to a place, pay money, and have physical (and intimate) contact with a person, then walk away at the end of the night?

Do we need more contact with others? Sure. Do I want to pay money for it? Only if there is a hockey puck involved.

This might be nice if it was with a group I already knew. Then again, if I already knew you, I'm not paying money to hug you.

I think they whole "paying money" thing is what is creeping me out. Are we really that desperate for physical contact? Or intimacy?

Or is this just the new way for singles to meet?

Ewwww.

Black Hole Sun

2006-09-28T09:27:00.000-04:00

"Beware of the dark side. Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight." -- Yoda

I'm in a quandary. How many of you hold grudges? (1, 2, 3, ... ok, 10).

I don't normally hold grudges. They really don't do me any good. Most of the time, I forget what I was mad about anyway.

I'm in a mood to hang on to a couple of grudges that are simmering. Without going into great detail, I got disrespected, abandoned, and jerked around by a couple of people.

In the past, I would have reacted, and then gotten over it. But this time... this time is different.

It isn't that I want revenge. I wouldn't know what to do with a pound of extracted flesh anyway.

But I do want justice. There must be repercussions.

Is there a good time to hold on to a grudge? Or are grudges just a way to spin the wheels without actually doing any good whatsoever.

The good think is that I'm not obsessed about the people who torqued me. It is a switch in my head that flips on and off as I deal with the business of living.

But the dark side beckons... and I'm not ready to turn away.

"You are beaten. It is useless to resist." -- Darth Vader

+++++++++++++++

The next time someone says something bad about Cleveland, I'll have to correct them. It is all how you see the city.

I got to visit my "sister" and her boy toy in the city by the lake. If you really want to have fun, relax at the end of the day and tell everyone you visited a brewery, crypt and cemetery that day.

But not just any crypt. The crypt of a president.

I can have the best vacations! The idea is not to visit the tourist attractions and be willing to mix and match as you go.

Oh, and have great tour guides. Thanks, Mon and Deke!

Reversing Mirror

2006-09-18T11:01:00.000-04:00

Fifth anniversary of 9/11 is over. Primary elections are over. I hired a news editor. And I'm going on tour.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled article.

++++++++++++++++++

"Is this some sort of funhouse, Wonka?" "Why? Are you having fun?"

Recently, I attended my 25th high school reunion. Don't even try to do the math.

I really expected to recognize a couple of people, but not many. It turns out I recognized most of the women and nearly none of the men.

I'm not sure if the women didn't age that much or I just paid more attention to them in high school. The guys grew beards, expanded waistlines and sagged in all the wrong places.

This was a very unusual event for me. Normally, I can find a comfort zone in a group setting and expand from there.

I wasn't comfortable from the very beginning and I have no idea why. Kim and Joe both felt it and tried to help, but it wasn't good for me.

Was it mortality staring me in the face? Was it so many unfamiliar faces surrounding me?

Either way, it was unusual. I know I hadn't seen some of those people since high school. Maybe this was a sign for me to reach back and get in touch with them again.

Or maybe it was an indication that I've outgrown what I was, and become more than what I imagined I would be?

Or maybe it was just the fried chicken?

Don't Hide What You Can't Handle

2006-09-04T17:25:00.000-04:00

"Heaven's gates won't open up for me/With these broken wings I'm fallin'/And all I see is you."

More after the holiday. Be safe.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Parents Television Council has filed an indecency complaint with the FCC because Helen Mirren said she was glad she didn’t fall “ass over tit” on her way up to accept her Emmy. And the PTC wants every NBC affil that showed it to be fined.

L. Brent Bozell of the PTC writes, “It is utterly irresponsible and atrocious for NBC to air this vulgar language during the safe harbor time when millions of children were in the viewing audience. People are getting sick and tired of networks allowing unedited profanity on their award shows in front of millions of youngsters, and with NBC this practice is becoming habitual.”

(the above paragraphs from Lost Remote)

Well, guess what? I'm sick and tired of people trying to tell me what is or is not vulgar. Instead of limiting input, why don't groups like this disband and talk to their own children about the use of language?

It seems that every day a new group or cause pops up wanting to limit something within our society because they don't like what is being espoused. Why not? Don't they know better than we do?

Of course not. Why should they have the say on how children are educated?

If my child (not that I have one, but just in case) does something unacceptable, shouldn't I be the one who teaches them right and wrong? But if the unacceptable material isn't present, am I not deprived of a teaching experience with my children?

I am also amused by the statement that millions of youngsters watched the Emmys. Really? If that is indeed the case, shouldn't we start airing the Emmys as childrens' programming on Saturday mornings?

The "holier-than-thou" attitude has to stop. We moan and berate the state of parenting these days, but yet, there are people who want to take parents out of the equation.

If/when I become a dad, I want all my options open. My parents did that for me, so it is the least I can do for my future children.

"Tinkle, tinkle in the car/You should really use a jar." -- Cheese

Signs & Lists

2006-08-28T10:40:00.000-04:00

It isn't the Apocalypse, but musically speaking, it could be a sign of End Time.

Elton John announced that he wants to make a hip-hop album with producer Dr. Dre. Oh, my stars and garters.

In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, John said, "I want to bring my songs and melodies to hip-hop beats. I love these beats, but I have no idea how to get them."

"I want to work with Pharrell, Timbaland, Snoop, Kanye, Eminem and just see what happens," John said in the Sept. 7 issue. "It may be a disaster, it could be fantastic, but you don't know until you try."

Right.

I'm all for trying new things -- I do it all the time. And I'm all for the disaster/fantastic angle. But I also remember when Sir Elton did a duet with Eminem in 2001.

Ick. And yes, I like Eminem.

Don't get me wrong. I am a fan of the Elton, both old and new. "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" is still one of my favorite albums.

I'm just hearing more disaster than I am fantastic.

++++++++++++++++++

A fellow blogger (thanks, Rex) directed me to a site that was started by six friends who were having a discussion about the end of our civilization. They decided to post their reason and ask others to contribute as they see fit.

"We felt this way not because of the inevitable dimming of our sun, or an errant asteroid, but rather because of the idiocy of our times," they wrote. "Frankly, we are tired of the fake optimism, superficiality, non-talented celebrities, doped-up athletes, dishonest and illiterate politicians, corporate thieves, wife-beaters and evangelical terrorists rampant in the world today and we decided that one way of making ourselves feel better would be to list them for all the world to see and to add upon."

An interesting premise and one obviously designed to generate more discussion. However, can I get a show of hands for those who disagree with the number 1 reason that our civilization is doomed -- Paris Hilton!

Hmmm. No one is raising their hand.

The rest of the list is a mix of political, cultural and weird indications why our civilization is doomed. I'm particularly fond of number 35 -- glow in the dark Taiwanese pigs and the fact that I don't glow in the dark -- and reason number 1,619 -- a horrible proposal to remake the Thundercats.

This is fun! Of course, several people put "Lists" and "The Blogosphere" as the real reason our civilization is doomed. Glad I could contribute.

"I've got a full bladder, half an idea of where I'm going; it's Tuesday, and I am wearing sunglasses." -- Bloo

What Would You Do?

2006-08-18T09:35:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the delay in a new post. Work has been a killer. Know anyone what wants a job? http://www.ibsys.com/jobopenings/9274862/detail.html

The drawback? You have to work for me. (Insert maniacal laughter)

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Imagine that you are watching a championship baseball game between 9-year-old players -- let's say the Yankees vs. the Orioles.

It is the bottom of the last inning. The Yankees are winning by one run, but the Orioles have a runner on third and two outs.

The best hitter on the Orioles is coming to the plate. He has already hit a home run and a triple in his last two at bats.

The player on deck is not a very good hitter.

If you are the manager of the Yankees, what do you do?

Now, let me tell you this is a championship in a non-competitive league.

What do you do?

Now, let me tell you the player on deck is a brain cancer survivor with a shunt still in his skull.

What do you do?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The above scenario is true (except for the names of the teams).

Let me tell you what actually happened. The Yankees manager instructed his pitcher to intentionally walk the good hitter and pitch to the poor hitter.

The poor hitter struck out, lost the game, and (as any 9-year-old might do) cried after the game.

The game divided the town -- some vilifying the Yankees manager for pitching to a brain cancer survivor to win a game while others said the survivor shouldn't have been treated any differently than any other player so as not to attract attention to his condition.

What would you do if you were the manager?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

The story does have a happy ending.

The boy's father said he consoled his son and told him that Michael Jordan didn't make all his shots and not every athlete succeeds every time.

The son thought about it and told his dad that he wanted to practice so that next year, he would be the one they walk to get to another hitter.

The next morning, the boy was out in his yard -- practicing.

**End of Story**

"I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind/There was something so pleasant about that place"

Yummy Goodness

2006-08-07T08:24:00.000-04:00

I'm only going to say this once and then I'm moving on.

If you want to get rid of panhandlers on the streets and corners of your neighborhood, stop giving them money. They don't hang out for their health. They hang out for your money.

++++++++++++++++++++

I am a foodie.

There. I said it. I feel better.

I've been watching a Food Network show called "Feasting On Asphalt" featuring my favorite television chef, Alton Brown. He is going across country and checking our road diners, teahouses and off the interstate food locations.

I get hungry watching this show. There are so many places to get really good food and I want to visit them all.

There are a couple of things though that he found that I just couldn't imagine eating -- pickled pigs feet and a brain sandwich. Yeah. He didn't like them either.

But he did bring up a good point: are our taste buds and palates so trained to chain restaurants and fast food places that introducing something different is so foreign to us?

New rule: find a new restaurant once per week or try eating something you've never had before. Make a new recipe, grab something from a little shop you probably pass by every day.

We should retrain our tongues and open up our culinary horizons.

++++++++++++++++++++

Speaking of eating and television, you have to watch this clip. It isn't the interview that is funny, but the reaction of the anchors at the end.

++++++++++++++++++++

On a housekeeping note, apparently there were some comments left on my last article that never made it to the site. I've beefed up the security on the site and hopefully we won't have a repeat.

If you leave a comment and it doesn't show up, please let me know.

++++++++++++++++++++

"Follow me into the desert/ As thirsty as you are"

Bring On The Heat

2006-08-01T11:05:00.000-04:00

It is unbelievably hot.

It is so hot that I can't believe it.

It is so unbelievably hot that I can't believe it.

All done now.

===================

This portion of today's information is purely for the guys. If you haven't learned or experienced it by now, women are vindictive and evil -- especially when it concerns another woman.

I say this because I have been privy to witness come extreme cattiness lately. I make no judgments on whether it is warranted or not. Suffice to say, don't think that great amounts of revenge can come from very tiny packages.

It is a landmine that I want to avoid at all costs. I feel like one of the guys standing off to the side while Darth Vadar chokes the life out of someone -- this is cool to watch, but I never want that pointed in my direction.

=================

And in an indication that 12 is my mental age and not by any stretch of the imagination my real age...

I have my 25th high school reunion next month. I work with people who are younger than that.

I found out information about the reunion on a Web site (how 21st century!) where they had pictures from a previous reunion. Suffice to say, I didn't recognize a soul in any of those pictures.

They also had a section featuring classmates who have died since graduation. This struck me since I fondly remembered most of them from my high school days and made me wonder if I was a bad friend for not keeping in touch with them over the years.

A quick survey of those around me showed I was not alone. Most people keep one or two friends from high school or college, but most of our school chums fall to the wayside as career, new family, etc., take up our time.

There are parts of high school I want never to relive again (bromine gas accident). There are people from high school that I would like to see again.

And would they recognize me today?

And everyone knows when there is a nuclear explosion, there are zombies.

Dare You Not To Laugh

2006-07-21T13:24:00.000-04:00

I had to share this. We all need a good chuckle.

Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse, without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

"In my eyes/Indisposed/In disguise/As no one knows"

Tragedies And Mistakes

2006-07-13T10:34:00.000-04:00

It is a national tragedy! A mistake of epic proportions!

Now, your task is to figure out where those two sentences go in this column.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

McDonald's is pulling their Hot-And-Spicy McChicken sandwich. They said the entree never really took off after being introduced in January.

When I announced this in the newsroom, one woman said, "I didn't even know they had a hot-and-spicy chicken sandwich." Therein lies the problem.

Actually, I never ate one of them, so I really don't care if they stay or go. I've had better fare from other places, including my own kitchen.

But in discussing this news, my best friend announced he wanted McDonald's to bring back the McRib sandwich. I guess there is nothing better than pressed pork meat into a pseudo-rack of rib-like shape -- with a pickle slice.

I remember how messy those things were. They weren't better than an actual rack of rib, but somehow they were very addictive.

Drop me a comment below and let's chat about what other fast food favorites would be great to munch again.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm about to delve into something that I really have no business, but that's never stopped me before.

A dear friend of mine recently lamented about getting her hair cut. Not actually that she got it cut, but more that she got it cut off.

She had been growing out her hair and was quite happy with the length. She asked a beautician friend of hers to even out the back.

Before you can say Minoxidil, hair was flying everywhere and her previously flowing locks were now shorn very short. And I'm sure the tears were flowing as well.

In relating the story to me, she said what she truly dreaded was when her hair would grow out again and get to the "in-between" stage -- a length longer than chin level, but not quite shoulder length. She said her hair would stop growing for 5 months and stay at that in-between length.

I chuckled because I hear that all the time from women after they get their haircut. I can't empathize for obvious reasons, but I do sympathize.

And believe me guys; we will feel their pain and frustration even though we had nothing to do with it. Our best defense is to tell them (and rightly so) that they are still beautiful.

Then go after the beautician.

"Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design."

Can't Find The Way

2006-07-11T09:04:00.000-04:00

Why do all medicine list "mild burning sensation" as one of their side effects? Just once, can't someone have "will eat your brain and spit out the rocks" as a side effect?

As you can tell, my brain has gone for walkabout. I've really got nothing this time around.

In one of my previous rants, I talked about how Warner Brothers was attempting to update the classic characters of Bugs, Road Runner, Taz, Daffy and others by making them edgier and more hip. "Lunatics Unleashed" was their end result and it was an affront to all my cartoony memories.

I finally (accidentally) stumbled across the show last weekend. Ugh. I'm sorry. Give me the classics.

=======================================

I did it. I signed up and am running a marathon in January.

There is still time for you to sign up. Come join me!

And yes, I did check with my doctor and she signed off on it.

=======================================
Speaking of which, how many people have general physicians that are of the opposite sex? And how weird is it during physicals?

=======================================
Never let it be said that I act my age!

"Mr. Gibbs... I feel sullied and unusual."

For The Republic

2006-07-05T07:15:00.000-04:00

How did you celebrate the Fourth of July?

I spent it at home making Texas-style chili and defending the Republic from droids and Trandoshans. How better to celebrate Independence?

Hopefully, everyone did something to exercise his or her independence that was declared in 1776. Throw off the yoke of your oppressor -- sloth, overindulgence, whatever it is that is holding you back.

We can always use another Commando in the Republic.

It is also a good time to remember and honor those who defend our freedom. However, it appears that all freedoms are not equal.

A woman whose husband died while fighting in Afghanistan is now battling the government over her husband's tombstone.

The woman wants to place a Wiccan symbol on his government-issued plaque at the Northern Nevada Veterans Memorial Cemetary. According to the Department of Veterans Affairs, Wicca is not among the 38 approved belief systems.

Wait. Read that again.

Wicca is not among the approved belief systems. You know what is an approved belief system? Atheism -- the non-belief in the existence of deities.

This probably has less to do with the approval of Wicca and more to do with the appearance of the Wiccan symbol -- a pentagram inside a circle. Draw your own conclusions.

Regardless of what you believe, one of the basic tenets of our history is freedom of religion. And as long as you don't force your beliefs on others, go ahead and worship away.

But the government needs to get out of the way. They aren't going to win on this one.

The Brains You Were Given

2006-06-30T09:18:00.000-04:00

When did humans become imbued with the power of invulnerability?

I ask because every time storms drive waters higher and higher, more and more people think they are immune from the dangers inherent with floods. And this isn't just a random occurrence.

During the recent heavy rains and flooding, five people tragically died in central Maryland because of raging waters. The real tragedy is that all five of these deaths could have been prevented.

Three people were swept away from the bed of a pick-up truck after being rescued from their car that was stuck in water rushing across a road. Two teens were killed while playing near a rain-swollen creek.

The warnings are always announced: do not drive across water on the roads and stay away from rising creeks and rivers. Yet, there is always someone who thinks nothing will happen to them and, invariably, does.

Is it because they don't want to be inconvenienced by a detour? Is it because rising waters are something new?

It is a matter of risk and reward. I know there have been times when I've pushed the envelope, but only if the reward was worth the potential risk.

Is the reward of getting somewhere 5 minutes early worth your life and the lives of your passengers? Is the reward of playing in rushing waters worth your future?

Even if you think it is, think about the people you may be putting in danger as they try to rescue you from something out of your control. And please obey the signs.

News photographer Bob Moore showed me some video of rushing waters in Harford County. As I watched, a vehicle attempted to plow through the water -- and nearly made the mistake others have made. Watch it and you'll see.

Only you can decide what you are going to do. Just make sure you do it by considering all the factors -- and remembering that you don't have a red cape and a big "S" on your chest.

Bigger Than Biggie

2006-06-23T13:57:00.001-04:00

When is a medium not a medium?

When it is a Biggie.

Wendy's recently said they were going to do away with the Biggie sized items on their menu. However, before you start celebrating the death of the huge fast food meal, know this: Biggie now equals medium.

Their Biggie drink -- 32 ounces or 4 cups or 1 quart of liquid-- is only the second largest drink on their menu. The new large is a whopping 42 ounces.

Even the small drink got bigger. It now comes in at 20 ounces.

By comparison, at McDonald's, a 16 ounce drink is called a small, a 21 ounce drink is a medium and a 32 ounce drink is a large.

And it doesn't stop at the drink. A large order of french fries now comes in at 6.7 ounces -- just a shade under 1/2 pound.

So much for the slimming down of America.

The problem lies more within us rather than in the restaurant industry -- although they are enablers. We always want to make sure we are getting our money's worth and want more for our dollar.

So, you get larger and larger portions.

Forget about the fact that there are probably enough calories in one large meal to sustain you for the entire day -- and you are likely to eat at least two other meals in the day. So what if you have to buy bigger clothes or pay more to your doctor because you have to see the physician more often.

At least you are getting your money's worth, right?

But at what cost?

==========================================================

Okay, I promised you something this time. Here it is: Hawking says pope told him not to study beginning of universe

I'm going to ignore the religious implications on all this and simply state that anyone who stands in the way of the pursuit of knowledge is blind to the future. There is no danger is finding the answers to questions, but there is a responsibility to understand those answers as well.

Asking "why?" is mankind's greatest gift. Answering that question is our greatest task.

"You shouldn't kiss a horse on the lips before it gives you its presents." -- Omi

Jumping Off The Bridge Without A Plan

2006-06-19T08:04:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I'm back. Miss me?

I know I've been a slacker. Between my international travels, physical illness and mental trepidation, I've ignored Touch 'Em All.

But no more. As a matter of fact, you are probably going to get more TEA than in the past. I've been saving up and the filters are off.

But first, to the guy who cut me off on the JFX...

EITHER DRIVE OR TALK BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN'T DO BOTH AT THE SAME TIME! Oh, and your right rear tire is going down.

There. I said it. I feel better.

How many of you are trying to do more with less -- in the workplace, in the home or in your life? The pressures of success and failure weigh on us in ways we cannot fathom.

The big question: who are you trying to please?

There has to be a time when you aim to please yourself. So many times, we've caught in the web where demands from others trump desires of your own. It is when the balance gets so out of wack when anger, frustration, and darkness can grab you.

Knowing your limitations is key and not feeling inadequate when asking for help is necessary. There is a commerical on TV where a guy is wearing a pair of wings and standing on a bridge over a river. He jumps off the bridge and glides without effort.

The crowd shouts, "He can fly!" One older man says, "Yeah, but he can't swim."

Ouch.

Prior planning prevents poor performance. And that goes for just about every aspect in your life.

Next time: did the Pope really tell one of the greatest minds of our time to stop his work? And why?

It will be an ordeal. Canaries will go in first. Accidents will happen, and men will die. -- Penny Arcade

Great White North

2006-06-06T12:18:00.000-04:00

This is what I've been doing the past five days.

I have bruises in so many places that there aren't enough ice bags to go around. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I learned a lot in my time in Toronto. Some of it serious and some of it silly, but all of it now a part of me.

Poutine really is as good as advertised.

Playing five games of hockey in 40 hours -- while fun -- is hell on the body.

The Hockey Hall of Fame has tons of displays, but keeps all the trophies in a room big enough to host a small wedding.

My wife has a more accurate slapshot than I do, but I can stop more shots than she can.

End boards at hockey rinks do not move and should not be run into head first -- even if I am being hooked from behind.

I cannot hear fans cheering in the stands.

Canadian beer is stronger than beer found in the states. While that wasn't new, I forgot that.

Blood, sweat, and tears isn't just a statement -- it was reality for our team.

There is always time for victory -- whether it is 4.6 seconds left in regulation, down by 2 goals, or needing a shootout win.

It took 10 Bulldogs to bring home a championship from Toronto, but it took 18 Bulldogs to get us there.

I can be too tired to laugh.

And I really do hate those guys.

I still can't believe we won. But I'm sitting next to the trophy so it must be true.

It's Hot In Topeka

2006-05-24T13:31:00.000-04:00

The dichotomy of the human mind amazes me.

On one hand, the story of Barbaro and the outpouring of emotion and tributes to the racehorse are heartwarming. Even non-sports people were concerned about the horse and many signs are currently hanging outside the hospital where Barbaro is being treated.

All fine and good.

But as one writer put it, "And if Barbaro hadn't been heavily sedated, I'm sure he would have posted a note of his own after surgery: 'Thanks so much for the kind words. But I'm a [bleeping] horse, so I can't read, you stupid, stupid morons.'"

All from the heart -- none of the head.

I really can't blame anyone, but it is amusing when you look at it from the writer's position.

In another "moron" moment, a new search feature called Google Trends tracks how often people search for topics. An interesting little tool to be sure, but I really can't see the practical use -- yet.

However, in what has to be a quirk in the fabric of the Internet, the most searched for term in Google Tracks is -- Yahoo.

Yes, Yahoo is the most searched for term in the Google search engine. The irony is delicious, and very disturbing.

What manner of web visitor uses one gateway to find another? One that obviously needs a new homepage, more lessons, or their computer taken away from them.

And that started a whole new conversation on who needs things taken away from them because they don't know how to use them -- kids away from deadbeat parents, driver's licenses away from idiots on the roadway, baseball teams away from owners who couldn't put together an office softball team.

You get the idea.

Then again, some people probably think I need my keyboard taken away from me. Come and get it.

And right up my alley -- this clip just gets better every time I watch it. It gets into your brain -- so beware!

Pick my hot toe! Pick it! Topeka's hot. My toe is hot. Pick it.

Nose Knows

2006-05-15T08:58:00.000-04:00

"All the leaves are brown/And the skies are grey"

It is official. I am 12 years old.

I have medical verification. My doctor said, "What are you? 12?" And I refuse to put the conversation into context. So there.

Apparently, I am not alone in hanging on to my youth.

Ladies, you'll want to run out and get a new perfume called "Eau de Play-Doh." Believe me, I can't make this up.

Hasbro is celebrating the toy's 50th anniversary by releasing a scent that is designed to smell just like the modeling clay. At $19 a bottle, Hasbro figures smelling the perfume will "transport people back to their childhood."

I didn't really play with Play-Doh much as a kid, but I do remember what it smelled like. I'm not sure if my sweetie was wearing "Eau de Play-Doh" if I would be intrigued -- or wonder if we opened a day care center in our home.

Scent is one of the strongest memory triggers for our brain. I know there are many smells I've encountered in my lifetime that I will NEVER get out of my memory.

And commercials on television show women jumping all over a guy after he gets a hit from a body spray, which I do use. I can honestly say that has never happened to me, but I do get comments about it.

Odors and smells can attract or repel faster than any other of our five senses. Now, if someone would bottle up a bar-b-que perfume for women...

I saw this quote on one of my web comics last week, shared it with some friends and now I share it with you. How you interpret it is up to you.

‘I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life *were* fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe.’

Bring it on.

And Here's The Pitch...

2006-05-02T08:41:00.000-04:00

In the grand scheme of things, what is important?

Are you responsible for your actions? Do you step up to the plate and own up to what you do and the consequences of such behavior?

So many times it appears that people want to blame someone or something else whenever trouble arises or problems occur. Video games have often been the target when parents themselves have the power to control what their children play.

Recently, there has been much grinding of teeth and anger management class registration over rising gas prices. Some will claim it is greed by the oil companies while others point to the ecomonic law of supply and demand.

A news reporter who I respect greatly and I were talking about gas prices and electricity rate increases when she pointed out (and rightly so) that these are businesses who are supposed to make money. You can argue that they are making too much money, but as any business owner will tell you, you make as much as you can when you can.

Can we lower our gasoline bills? Sure -- drive slower, buy more gas efficient cars, make sure our vehicles are properly tuned.

There have been e-mails floating around about boycotting gas stations. That really doesn't work because people don't stop using gas for that day -- they just go get it from some place else, which raises its rates because of the greater demand on their constant supply.

It is a catch-22. Will we be able to get gas prices down below $2 a gallon? Probably not, because we aren't the only country using oil in the world. It would take a concerted effort by everyone on the planet.

We are a global society with global needs and demands. But we can act individually to control our own destinies. If enough people exercise control, who knows what can happen?

As I often say, you can only control your own actions. You can try to influence others, but ultimately, it is up to them how they are going to act.

The bat is in your hands. Step up to the plate.

"So this is how liberty dies - with thunderous applause."

Luminous Beings Are We

2006-04-19T08:34:00.000-04:00

What would you do if a friend needed your help -- like moving a big piece of furniture from one side of the room to another?

What if they asked you to take care of their pet while they were out of town?

What about if a stranger asked you for directions to a place in your city?

Now, what if a stranger asked you to take a pill that might save them, but may hurt you?

Twenty thousand women did just that in a new breast cancer study to determine which drug was best in preventing the dreaded illness. The study looked at raloxifene and tamoxifen -- two drugs known for helping to prevent breast cancer, but with some very dangerous side effects -- for example, uterine cancer.

To find out which was best, 20,000 healthy women, but with increased risk for breast cancer, had to volunteer to take one of the drugs for the test. Remember, these are healthy women -- no breast cancer or other health ailments -- who are being asked to take a drug that could possibly end up giving them a dangerous illness.

If you want to know the results of the study, follow this link.

However, I want to point out how courageous these women were for volunteering for this. Most of the women cited a family member as reasons for joining the study. Others were professionals in the medical field who see what happens to cancer patients and feel this is just the least they can do.

In a world full of selfishness and rudeness, it is more than refreshing to find people who give of themselves for the greater good of others. Emergency responders do this on a daily basis, but it is the everyday person who rises to the call that makes that person special.

The agony of cancer is profound. The search for a cure cannot be far off. We are too great of a society not to be on the edge of medical advancements that will create a new Golden Age in our world.

Take a minute to think about how you are affecting people around you. Are you making the world at large a better place? Are you making your immediate surroundings easier for others to live in?

One woman in the study said, ""How often does just your average person get to do something that truly matters? No one may remember that I did this. But I'll remember."

What will be your legacy? What will you remember?

"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."

Storm Clouds Approaching

2006-04-06T10:44:00.000-04:00

Have you ever had one of those days when you can't keep a coherent thought in your head?

I've been having a couple weeks of those. Every time I think of something to write about, I've completely forgotten it by the time I get to a keyboard. It probably means that it really wasn't worth writing about in the first place, but there is a level of frustration that is building.

And the harder I try to concentrate on what I want to remember, the faster it slips through my mental fingers. It isn't that I can't concentrate on the task at hand, just those items I think of on the drive into work/home from work/to the ice rink.

A co-worker told me she thought I was very organized and together. She was being kind.

I have reached the point where I can remember quite a few things that require analysis. I am getting bad with things that are just memory things -- like my home phone number.

I figure if I can look it up, I shouldn't have to remember it. I just have to remember where to look it up.

Before you mock me with "getting old" comments, Albert Einstein once said he didn't remember his phone number because he could look it up and he wanted to save his brain for more important stuff -- like the Theory of Relativity.

I'm saving my brain space for the lifetime batting average of Cal Ripken Jr. (.276) or the conversions of teaspoons to tablespoons (3 to 1). Not quite the heady stuff of Einstein, but I bet my Jalapeno and Apple Glazed Scallops are better than his.

Eventually, the snowflakes of my thoughts will settle down and the storm whirling in my head will cease. But until then, beware of lightning flashes of inspiration and thunder rumbles of discontent.

"To let the brain work without sufficient material is like racing an engine. It racks itself to pieces."

In A Handbasket

2006-03-28T08:58:00.000-05:00

Honestly, I do respect all people. It is just that sometimes mockery occurs because there is nothing else to say.

A story came out this week about a vision of the Virgin Mary that appeared under a bridge in Indiana. These types of stories have always intrigued me for a variety of reasons.

After checking out the story, it is reported that the vision was allegedly seen by a 5-year-old boy, who told his family and his pastor. The boy said the vision spoke to him and talked to him about protection and peace.

After the story got out, hundreds of people flocked to the bridge to see the vision for themselves.

Now I will say that I don't see anything in the pictures. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough -- or maybe I'm looking too hard.

Be that as it may, the story created several questions in my mind -- not the least of which was what was a 5-year-old boy doing under a bridge?

I was talking with a producer in our newsroom about the story. Disclaimer: Amy is Catholic, which always gives me a good sounding board for these types of discussions.

After some rather childish and probably sacrilegious statements, I asked Amy why people felt compelled to rush to a vision -- whether it is under a bridge or on a grilled cheese sandwich. My contention was religion is about faith -- and faith doesn't need proof.

Or does it?

Have people become so desperate for comfort that they will seek out physical proof of what they should already have in their spirits? Amy agreed with my assessment and really didn't understand it either.

I am the last person that should probably be talking about religion. However, people just amaze me when it comes to visions and "miracles."

I choose to believe in what I believe. What do you choose?

Metatron: Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, you're mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that out.

Blogging The Blog

2006-03-21T08:16:00.000-05:00

Ah.

Stretching the mind can be a wonderful thing. Too bad I didn't do that.

Enriching one's life can be exciting. Too bad I didn't do that either.

Recharging the mental and physical batteries can be invigorating. Nope, not that either.

Do you ever get the feeling that you are just going through the motions? The world can go by so fast you don't get to enjoy the things that you want. It is just hard enough to keep up so you don't get run over. *Beep beep*

On the radar this week: there was a rather lengthy discussion about blogs and their place in news and television. It was interesting to hear from some of the "older" managers about how they just don't get blogs.

Not to disparage my senior counterparts, but they really aren't something that have points per se. They are the opinions, musing, and observations of the blog writer.

Some are funny, some are serious, and some are just out and out online diaries.

It is hard to figure out what makes a good blog. For example, NBC's Brian Williams was blogging while he was covering the Katrina disaster in New Orleans. It was interesting to read about what he saw, what he heard and what he went through while he was there.

Good stuff.

But now, the day-to-day stuff of a national news anchor isn't as interesting. And unless you are in the business, I don't know why people would want to read about the story selection process -- unless you are interested in a possible story.

As I write this out, I realize that even I don't know why people read Touch 'Em All. Do I amuse you? Do I educate you? Or are you just here for the free popcorn?

More often than not, blogs are just another way for people to express themselves. Readers of blogs will often find that they read those they associate with in some fashion.

But I've never been very good at fashion (being colorblind), so I'll just keep writing as often as I can -- and you can read (and comment!) as often as you like.

Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

Filters On

2006-02-20T07:13:00.000-05:00

If you can't say something nice...

People can sometimes speak without thinking, react without planning and go off when they need to go on. The most innocuous statements can lead to biblical confrontations.

Even "well-intended" comments can cut wounds so deep that intense emotional surgery is needed. But where does the problem lie?

Is the person making the comments to blame? Do they speak without considerations for the feelings of the person listening?

Or is the receiver to blame for being too thin-skinned? Shouldn't they toughen up to statements that are intended to help?

It has appeared to me that no matter how you intended to say something, it always relies on how it is perceived. The listener decides what you meant and how you meant it -- no matter what the speaker's intentions were.

If I said, "You look great today," you can either take it as a compliment, or you can be insulted, offended or angry.

Therein lies the problem with communication -- whether spoken, unspoken, written or mimed.

And, when understanding and compassion are most needed is when communication often breaks down. The intensity of a situation often leads to assumptions, guesses and, invariably, hard feelings (which is totally different from hard cheese).

How do we reach a consensus? By realizing that it is more important in these times to make sure that understanding is a 2-way street. It feels like it is easier to just get angry about something or someone than to explore the meaning of conversation.

We all have the "fight or flight" mechanism built into our brains. But we also have the sense of compassion and understanding hard-wired into our systems as well.

Don't expect to make a change and have it work for everyone. We are all individuals and have different needs and desires.

But if we all try a little harder a little more each day to understand and be understood, would it help?

Affairs Of The Heart

2006-02-16T11:14:00.000-05:00

Injury Update

The cast on my hand has been cut down so that just my thumb is encased in plastic. I am healing remarkably well and have had little pain from the original injury.

However, the pain I am experiencing is the most intense pain I think I've ever felt. The doctor told me that the skiing injury stretched out a nerve that leads to my thumb.

After the surgery, parts of my thumb and the back of my hand were numb. No problem. But now the nerve is healing and coming back to life.

I liken it to having acid suddenly poured inside my thumb. It is searing pain, but brief -- and I hope it stays that way.

V-Day

This Valentine's Day was unusual on many fronts. Personally, the love of my life surprised me and it was great.

I heard and read about many people who think Valentine's Day isn't really needed for people who are truly in love. The feeling is that if you show someone you love the proper affection and attention all year long, you don't need one day to overdo it.

I agree, but I still don't think you can neglect your loved one on Feb. 14. You don't need to overdo it, but just a little message to let them know you are thinking about them.

In some ways, it is a Hallmark holiday -- a made-up, over-commercialized holiday. But you can fight that feeling by creating something special.

A nice homemade dinner, a handcrafted item, doing something great out of the ordinary -- these will all be very nice gestures. And you don't have to feed the machine known as the corporate cash register.

If you already do these things, one more is easy. If not, there are plenty of helpful books to give you ideas. Some of them will even give you step-by-step instructions for an evening your partner will never forget.

Although, as I discovered this holiday, nothing beats chocolate -- except maybe chocolate on a tropical island.

Confluence Of Emotions, Part 2

2006-02-08T10:39:00.000-05:00

And we're back!

I started to rant on Monday and stopped. I'm torn because I want to talk about people who write letters to television stations about programming.

On one hand, I think that the right of voicing your opinion is one of the fundamental rights of our country -- freedom of speech and expression. Strong, thoughtful words are often the catalysts of profound and meaningful action.

On the other hand, signing your name to a letter or e-mail that someone else wrote just means you were concerned about the topic because it was in front of you -- but not enough to write your own words. Weak.

And people who write about television programs need to realize they already control what appears on their television. It is called a remote control.

If you don't like a show, I guarantee you that stations will pull shows with bad ratings faster than lightning. If you don't like the choices, turn it off.

I'm not sure where in our society it became okay to sit back, fire off an e-mail, and think you've done your part. Or worse, just sit back and gripe.

More of us need to take personal responsibility for the world around us. Knowing how things work makes it much easier to make a change.

And now, I'm going to make a PR&J -- just for a change.

(Oh, and my injury was 2 torn ligaments in my hand from a skiing accident. And I'm not too old to be doing this stuff -- so get over it.)

Confluence Of Emotions

2006-02-06T07:30:00.000-05:00

The stitches come out today. I'll actually get to use my left hand a little easier than now.

I'll still have a cast for about another 6 weeks, but at least it will be smaller.

On the other hand, I'll be moaning for a week about the poor officiating in Super Bowl XL. It isn't sour grapes -- it is just that the better team was not ahead on the scoreboard.

And while some of the commercials were good (Budweiser did a great job with the colt and the streaker sheep), none were really great.

I'll post more tomorrow -- after I get the stitches removed. I have a rant about people who .. well, you'll see.

Battered Wing -- Not The Kind You Eat

2006-01-30T09:44:00.000-05:00

No new Touch 'Em All this week.

I had surgery on my hand, and typing one-handed is very tiring and frustrating. I know -- I'm a wuss.

But I'm on meds!

Next week will be better. It has to be, right?

Balance Of Power

2006-01-23T07:20:00.000-05:00

I'm now convinced that the greatest invention in recent history is heated seats inside my car. Now if they can only find a way to heat the steering wheel.

=======================================

I have quite a few friends that are girls, which does not make them my girlfriends. Recently, they have been lamenting about how tough single life is.

What strikes me as odd is how they think they are somehow (flawed/not worthy/ugly/etc.) since they can't (get a date/find a man/umm.. you know *wink wink*). Speaking as a guy, did the pendulum swing after I got married?

Women, I have always felt, held the power in the beginning of the relationship. Women could name their own terms, because some guys will do just about anything to get a date.

(Read this column slowly. I'm typing slow due to an injury)

Now, women can afford to be picky. So, perhaps my friends that are girls are just looking for the right guy. If so, good for them.

When dealing in relationships, it is always good never to "settle" for someone. And I know there are plenty of "bad boys" out there that don't necessarily treat women the way they should be treated.

To my dear friends, hang in there. You are not destined to "be alone with cats" for the rest of your life. As it worked for me, sometimes you find the right person when you aren't looking at all.

=======================================

My beloved Seahawks have made it to the Super Bowl for the first time in their 30-year history.

And they get to pound the Pittsburgh Steelers, which makes it even better. Why, you ask?

Because I have quite a few friends who are fans of the black and gold. And a Super Bowl victory will be something I can hold up for quite sometime.

The "betting window" has already opened. I have a bet with the morning anchor at the station. If the Hawks win, I get breakfast for a week. If the Steelers win, I make my 4-cheese macaroni and cheese for her.

Food bets are always best. Yum!

"Everything in this room is *eat*able. Even I'm *eat*able. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies." -- Willy Wonka

Suitcases Under The Eyes

2006-01-16T05:50:00.000-05:00

"I'm so tired/I haven't slept a wink/I'm so tired/My mind is on the blink" -- The Beatles.

If you are currently tired, raise your hand -- or just grunt if you can't even get your arm up.

*Grunt*

Recently, me catching good sleep is about as effective as Wily E. Coyote catching the Road Runner. And we all know how that goes.

While I do burn the candle at both ends -- and sometimes in the middle too -- most of my problem seems to arise from just waking up too soon.

Difficulty falling or staying asleep is a common problem. About half of Americans reported sleep difficulty at least occasionally, according to National Sleep Foundation surveys. These woes - called insomnia by doctors - have far-reaching effects: a negative impact on concentration, productivity and mood.

Researchers have found that people with chronic insomnia are more likely than others to develop several kinds of psychiatric problems, and are also likely to make greater use of healthcare services, according to the NSP. People suffering from sleep apnea are likely to have higher blood pressure while they sleep and suffer from excessive daytime sleepiness.

Zzzzzz... I'm sorry. Where was I?

In the NSF survey, those who said they had trouble getting enough sleep reported a greater difficulty concentrating, accomplishing required tasks and handling minor irritations. Overall, sleep loss has been found to impair the ability to perform tasks involving memory, learning, and logical reasoning.

This may contribute to mistakes or unfulfilled potential at school or on the job and strained relationships at home. In fact, sleeplessness has been found to be a significant predictor of absenteeism.

Shakespeare in Hamlet's soliloquy: "To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; / For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, / When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, / Must give us pause."

I am not prepared to sleep the "final sleep" anytime soon, because I still dream. However, it does give me pause (as opposed to my cats, which give me paws or a bite in the ear if I lay around too long).

So, how do I know how much sleep I truly need? The NSF says if you have trouble staying alert during boring or monotonous situations when fatigue is often "unmasked" you probably aren't getting enough good-quality sleep.

I'm thinking of inventing a pillow keyboard. Now, that would be quality sleep!

How do you fall asleep when you can't? Better yet, how do you stay asleep when you are already in dreamland? I'm open to any ideas.

"Twist on to reseal"

Breaking Radio Silence

2006-01-11T08:16:00.000-05:00

Miss me?

Is it just me or is going on vacation more draining than it is worth? I need a week to recover from my time off.

I thought about kicking off the 2006 year with a rant against all those narrow-minded people who are blasting whether television station should show a fictional comedy. NBC has a new show called Book of Daniel, and if I have to read one more e-mail about it, I'm going to pull the plug on my computer.

However, I read a nice blog from the general manager of a station in Louisiana that really does a good job. If you are interested, you can find it here.

The short of my take: don't like it -- change the channel. There is no such thing as "broadcast" television anymore. With so many channels to choose, you can find a channel to watch whatever you like.

But don't limit MY choices just because you don't agree.

Something else I came across which struck my funny bone was an e-mail posted on a gaming comic site that I visit. I thought it was striking in its accuracy, but humorous at the same time.

10 reasons Gay Marriage is wrong:

Being gay is not natural. And as you know Americans have always rejected unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because, as you know, a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Remember to keep your arms and legs in the car at all times. I have a feeling 2006 is going to be a wild ride.

What's on your agenda for the new year?

"The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do." -- Capt. Jack Sparrow

Happy... Um... Merry... Er...

2005-12-27T06:50:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays to all readers of Touch 'Em All.

Don't be offended. My declaration to you is not meant to exclude anyone or anything from your particular holiday.

If anything, it is to include everyone in this time of joy and happiness.

This season, more and more people are actually offended by that simple greeting. From the Christian Conservatives who are upset with the White House holiday card to simple interactions at your local mega-mart.

Those on one side cry because "Happy Holidays" takes Christ out of Christmas. What they fail to take into account are the number of holidays that occur at this time of year and the fact that not everyone celebrates Christmas -- and that it is likely Jesus was not born on Dec. 25.

Several sources indicate that the actual Christmas holiday is of pagan origin -- a celebration of the winter feast. A declaration by Pope Julius I in 350 A.D. that Christ's birth would be celebrated on Dec. 25 was done to be able to convert as many of the pagans to Christianity as possible -- since they wouldn't lose their winter holiday.

Indeed, many of the features associated with Christmas (exchanging of gifts, burning of the Yule log, decorating trees) were rooted in pagan festivals. "Back in the day," early Christians would appropriate many pagan holidays and convert them in an effort to stamp out their ancient traditions.

These days, there are other holidays that fall towards the end of the year -- the Winter Solstice, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

And among Western cultures, Christmas itself has divided into two nearly separate holidays -- one to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and one to celebrate joy and happiness with Santa Claus. Is it commercialism or Christianity?

Why can't it be both and more?

There are those who say that political correctness has gone too far and fails to recognize their own individual beliefs about the holiday season. However, if I choose to say, "Happy Holidays" to you, am I not recognizing that your beliefs are just as important as mine and I recognize our individual differences?

Let us all celebrate the holiday season together and our own holidays individually. There is nothing wrong with coming together with our beliefs -- no matter how varied -- as long as we respect each other's beliefs -- whatever they may be.

And right now, I believe I will have another cup of hot chocolate.

Peace, love, joy and happiness to each and all of you. I think we can all agree on that.

Good News? Your Choice

2005-12-19T10:24:00.000-05:00

There is a new Web site that is concentrating solely on producing "good news" and nothing else.

While this is an outstanding endeavor, it is hardly the first time that someone has concentrated on good news. Indeed, good news stories in this column have generated outstanding responses.

Back in the 1990s, a few television stations around the country heard the complaints about local news -- too much murder, too much crime, and too much bad news. They decided that they would not do those stories anymore and focus more on positive news and good news.

In the beginning, it appeared it was a good idea. People watched and the accolades came in.

As time wore on, the audiences dwindled and eventually got to the point where the newsrooms had to go back to reporting the old way. It was not without some hand wringing, but it had to be done.

"Good news" stories are a welcome break from the constant stream of death, mayhem and destruction. However, people don't want to be fed a steady diet of good news.

Good news is the distraction -- a cleansing of the information palate. But many of the stories that do well on my work Web site usually involve death, sex or controversy. It is what people want to read, while maintaining an air of superiority by insisting that stations produce too much "bad news."

That's the great thing about news on the Internet. If you click on a link to a headline, you chose to read that story.

So fill up on all the bad news you want. Just remember, you asked for it.

----------------------------------------------------

And while I'm on the news rant, can we please get some context in our stories? Recently, it was reported that a boy died from avian flu in China -- the first such death in the region. It was widely reported and led some news reports.

In the 2003-2004 flu season, the deaths of 93 children younger than 18 in the United States was reported to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. They died from traditional flu and not the dreaded avian flu that seems to get all the press.

All I'm asking for is context.

--------------------------------------

"Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Could You Repeat The Question?

2005-12-12T09:21:00.000-05:00

Imagine working your way through a government questionnaire and coming across this question.

Are you a member of any foreign or domestic organization, association, movement, group, or combination of persons which is totalitarian, fascist, communist, or subversive, or which has adopted, or shows a policy of advocating or approving the commission of acts of force or violence to deny other persons their rights under the Constitution of the United States, or which seeks to alter the form of Government of the U.S. by unconstitutional means?

Ignoring the obvious run-on sentence, what is the point?

If I am a member of such a group, do they honestly believe I'm going to answer yes? Or by answering no, am I under suspicion that I am lying about my response?

And what if I answer yes? Do they believe I really am a member of such a group, or do they think I'm just being a smart aleck?

Either way, I somehow feel this is just another sheet of paper in my ever-growing file in a cabinet somewhere. I had a high school friend who applied for a job with the federal government and listed me as a reference many years ago.

While I was flattered that he thought that much of me, I was a bit concerned when, while at work, I was visited by two people who flashed badges and documents showing they worked for the FBI.

Over the next couple of hours, they asked me many questions about my friend, our relationship, and what I thought he would do in the future. I guess I was supposed to psychoanalyze him, but our friendship didn't work that way.

We hung out, played in the band, enjoyed video games and lived about 3 miles from each other. Was I qualified to determine his future in the government? Could I somehow tip off the FBI that he was a subversive who was destined to become one of those people who answers 'yes' to the question?

In this age of high security and high alarm, is it even necessary to ask the question at all? Either answer probably gets your investigated.

And so does this column.

"Is this some sort of funhouse, Wonka?" "Why? Are you having fun?"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Wallets, Wars and Wonder

2005-12-05T07:00:00.000-05:00

The holiday season tends to wear on people's nerves and their wallets.

I have vowed not to enter any store or mall to purchase Christmas gifts. Everything will be done online or via magazines.

The hassle of parking, the hostility of angry shoppers and the uncertainty of actually finding what I want/need fuels my boycott. I've come close in previous years, but this will be the season for 100% compliance.

I'm not going and you can't make me. Besides, think of the money I'm saving.

________________________________________________

Speaking of money, I heard a report this week that the United States is now spending $5 billion a month on the war in Iraq. Yes, that is billion with a B.

And that doesn't even take into account the untold costs in human life.

I'm not getting into whether we belong there or not, but I am going to get into the wisdom of spending that much money on a conflict that appears to have no end in the very near future. Some experts said the U.S. may be needed in Iraq for another 5 to 10 years and the final bill could reach $1 trillion.

Thomas Jefferson said, "The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." It is also apparently requires very deep pockets.

________________________________________________

The television station I work at recently did a story about how a local volunteer fire department was in need of financial help and how the "Katrina Effect" had dampened the giving efforts.

Now, I have read how other fire departments want to know why they weren't highlighted because they need money too.

Forgive me if I'm missing something, but this sounds just a tad like envy. Since there are many volunteer fire companies around the state (and probably all in need of donations), does that mean we need to do a story about each one?

Or perhaps we should just ignore the story all together since we can't do a story on them all?

Or perhaps people should be donating to their local volunteer fire departments without us doing any story at all because these are the guys that will be coming to your house at 1 a.m. to rescue you and your loved ones -- and they do it because of their large hearts and dedication.

Don't forget these guys and gals in your annual gift giving. They'll be there when you need them.

________________________________________________

Snow is in the forecast. Let the hoarding of milk, bread and toilet paper begin. And please shovel and salt your walkways in front of your homes. Just because it "isn't my job" doesn't mean you can't help out. Remember, the back you save may just be your own.

"So you fell in a vat of acid, got your skin bleached, and decided to become a super-villain. What, you couldn't get work as a rodeo clown?" -- Batman

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Group Effort

2005-11-25T09:03:00.000-05:00

It is over. I'm sorry for missing last week, but the planning and pre-planning for this Thanksgiving was way over the mark.

This was my first attempt at a real turkey -- not some turkey roll or turkey breast. Why an actual bird this year? Families from both sides of the aisle were planning to attend, including my parents and Kim's father.

Now before you think it was some Hallmark moment with 20 people and 6 more at the kids' table, it was a much smaller affair than that. My immediate family consists of my mom and dad and one younger brother. Kim's nearby family is her dad and her younger brother.

Be that as it may, the pressure was on.

I decided since I was going to be adventurous, it was time to really go all out. I decided to smoke my turkey.

When I planned this, the temperatures were in the 60s and being outside with the grill didn't seem like a bad idea. However when Thanksgiving rolled around, snow was still present on the deck and the wind was biting.

My biggest fear -- okay, second biggest fear -- came true though. Things were getting done at different times and warming concerns became the focus of the meal.

All the good chefs use assistants -- or soux chefs. I had two that really helped me out with slicing and mixing and dealing with things I missed/didn't have time for/didn't want to deal with.

Smells and sounds drifted out into the living room and those who weren't cooking would make their way through the kitchen to observe, comment, taste and move on. At one point, I stopped and wedged myself into a corner to take it all in.

The holidays have always been about togetherness and making a meal -- this meal -- gave us all the chance to talk, laugh, argue and just be with one another. In a way, it is sad that it doesn't happen more often, but distance, schedules and plans have a nasty habit of getting in the way.

I hope all of you had the chance to spend the holidays with someone important or someone you just wanted to share the day with. It doesn't matter if your portion of the day is to sit, watch football and eat -- it matters that you were there when it all happened.

Being together.

Now, somebody tell me what to do with this turkey carcass? Mom won't let me throw it away.

And holy guacamole, could the shopping season get started any sooner? My friends at Starbucks have been decorated for Christmas since mid-November, but they at least refrained from holiday music. Now that we are past Turkey Day, I guess it starts in earnest. Let the elbowing begin.

"This song is called "Alice's Restaurant." It's about Alice, and the restaurant, but "Alice's Restaurant" is not the name of the restaurant, that's just the name of the song. That's why I call the song "Alice's Restaurant."" -- Arlo Guthrie

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Just Call Me Reverse Radio Shack

2005-11-14T05:03:00.000-05:00

Time to play Q&A. Just some random musings I've had this past week.

Which would you rather do: eat anything you want and never gain a pound, but you have to sleep at least 12 hours a day OR sleep only 4 hours a day and feel fully refreshed, but immediately gain 25 pounds.

Would you classify politics as reactionary or visionary? And do you like it that way?

Is it still art even if you don't like it?

If groups want to ban video games for creating violence, why don't they want to ban automobiles for creating accidents?

Am I immature or childlike?

Which is more important: getting Christmas shopping done or exercising?

Is it that thought that REALLY counts?

What if the hokey pokey is REALLY what it is all about?

Can animals be evil?

Is it possible to watch the news and not think they aren't slanting it?

Ah, the musings of a madman. Now it is your turn.

Click on the comments link below and give me your answers -- or ask questions of your own. But I'm really interested to see what you think.

"I find your lack of faith -- disturbing" -- Darth Vader

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Reset The Alarm

2005-11-07T05:04:00.000-05:00

I've been playing adult hockey for a couple of years now. And I still can't get into the swing of rest/non-rest times.

Games are held at 9:45 p.m., last a couple of hours and are really fun. By the time I get out of all the gear and pads, it is 11:15 p.m. We then talk about different issues

I get out of the rink and head for home around midnight. On a normal day, I'm up around 4 a.m. to head to work (and my keyboard), so 4 hours of sleep isn't so bad.
Or so I thought.

After a while, the four hours of planned sleep became 2 1/2 to 3 hours of actual sleep because I didn't account for the adrenaline rush and general excitement. I figured that would improve -- it didn't.

I knew I was in trouble when the word I hate to be called came out of my wife's mouth -- "grouchy" -- and so sleep has become a priority. And I'm not alone in my lack of drowsiness.

Difficulty falling or staying asleep is a common problem. About half of Americans report sleep difficulty at least occasionally, according to National Sleep Foundation surveys. These woes - called insomnia by doctors - have far-reaching effects: a negative impact on concentration, productivity and mood.

Researchers have found that people with chronic insomnia are more likely than others to develop several kinds of psychiatric problems, and are also likely to make greater use of healthcare services, according to the NSP. People suffering from sleep apnea are likely to have higher blood pressure while they sleep and suffer from excessive daytime sleepiness.

And I was just worried about being grouchy.

In the NSF survey, those who said they had trouble getting enough sleep reported a greater difficulty concentrating, accomplishing required tasks and handling minor irritations. Overall, sleep loss has been found to impair the ability to perform tasks involving memory, learning, and logical reasoning. This may contribute to mistakes or unfulfilled potential at school or on the job and strained relationships at home. In fact, sleeplessness has been found to be a significant predictor of absenteeism.

Forewarned is forearmed, or so it has been said. Now that I know, I'm making changes. I don't think so much after a game (I was usually replaying portions in my mind on the way home) and I make sure I get some sleep before the game. I cut back on caffeine and try to keep to a normal schedule as much as possible.

Shakespeare in Hamlet's soliloquy: "To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub; / For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, / When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, / Must give us pause." I am not prepared to sleep the "final sleep" anytime soon, because I still dream. (Not some dumb jock after all, eh Amy?) However, it does give me pause (as opposed to my cats, which give me paws).

So, how do I know how much sleep I truly need? The NSF says if you have trouble staying alert during boring or monotonous situations when fatigue is often "unmasked" you probably aren't getting enough good-quality sleep.

Hockey rocks and I'm going to give everything I can. I want my teammates to be able to count on me as their captain and the games. But I know other people count on me too and I'm going to get my rest so everyone can count on me for anything.

And I can stop being grouchy! Maybe.

"I'm so tired/I haven't slept a wink/I'm so tired/My mind is on the blink" -- The Beatles.

Boo!

2005-10-31T05:52:00.000-05:00

Massive headache today, but once I get better, I've got a nice holiday article. I just can't complete it right now.

Check back tomorrow.

==========================================

Not so long ago, a group of people was accused of being different.

It didn't matter whether they were or weren't. A vocal minority pointed them out, rouse the rabble and attacked those people.

Some members of the accused group were killed, others were forced to flee or turn on others of their kind to save their lives. It didn't matter that there was no evidence of wrongdoing or even that some harm had come to the accusers.

It took some time, but finally, sanity and reason prevailed. However, a scar was left on our collective memories.

If you are trying to figure out what I'm referring to, your guesses are probably correct even though they may be different. This scene has played out many times throughout history.

While those of African, Jewish, Arabic or some other background can all claim this history as part of its own, I'm going deep into the way-back machine and, in the spirit of the season, going back to Massachusetts and the year 1692.

The Salem witch trials were well under way because of the hysteria of several young girls. Nineteen men and women were hanged after being "convicted" of witchcraft, one man was pressed to death for not cooperating with the court and 17 others died while in prison.

No single shred of physical evidence was presented and those who were persecuted were done so only on the word of tormented young girls. More than 150 men and women were jailed during this time.

From June to October, the "accused" were paraded in front of a special court and their sentences were carried out quickly. Only the actions of the governor prevented more people from being killed.

My point is this: this was not the first nor definitely the last time something like this has happened. It seems to occur quite regularly throughout our history -- and may be going on even today.

It seems whenever times of stress and confusion reign, our sense and sensibilities are the first casualties. We strive toward singularity of ideas and ideals rather than taking the time to embrace the plurality of it all. Bring closer those of like minds and reject or blast those who are different is the rule and should be the exception.

If we don't understand or can't comprehend, we should take the time to do so. It isn't right to shun those who aren't like us and certainly don't accept those who claim violence is the right way.

But in the spirit of Halloween, it is time to remember the old ghosts and don't let them become future ones.

And all you people who think Halloween is a demonic holiday need to do a little research and open up your minds. Geez!

Homer: "Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

The Envelope

2005-10-24T05:58:00.000-04:00

Nerves, trepidation, butterflies.

Is it the measure of a person to know their limitations, touch the edge of the envelope and excel within those confines?

Or it is better to push harder, try again and strive to achieve beyond your means -- even though failure is more likely than not?

History is sprinkled with those men and women who have gone beyond the barriers and achieved greatness. It is also littered with those souls who reached farther than they could grasp and went down in flames.

To paraphrase: is it better to have tried and lost than to never have tried at all?

Individual judgment is the only referee to settle this conflict. We each must make the decision to press on in our personal battlefields or hold on to the gains we've made with an eye toward the greater goal.

Those who decide that there are goals that can and should be reached are often called dreamers, fools, risk-takers and sometimes, just foolish. However, they are also known as leaders, pioneers, and sometimes, visionaries.

What is the guide? Where is the dividing line between fool and pioneer?

And what is lost when we can't see the line at all? Risk and reward are ethereal entities that only history can dole out.

Red lever, blue lever or no lever at all.

Choices are made and lives go on. But in the multitude of parallel universes, one world's dreamer is another world's leader.

Only history can make that determination. However, we can make the choices.

For me, I choose to take the risks. Nothing ventured and nothing gained. I'm never satisfied with what I have accomplished, but I am happy with the choices I've made.

Where do you fall? And what are you going to do about it?

"We can pave new roads with the cold creed stones, wind them through the pines" -- Foo Fighters

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Making Sense Of The Argument

2005-10-17T05:09:00.000-04:00

There is a book that -- under normal circumstances -- would have generated more controversy and angst that it would make "The Satanic Verses" look like a comic book.

But because of who the author is and the almost dismissive way he frames his own book, it is barely a blip on the radar. However, that does not make it any less interesting or provocative.

What if I told you that God is dead? What if I said that we -- and everything around us -- are all made up of God's debris?

That simple, yet outstanding, notion is the basis for a book written by the creator of the Dilbert comics, Scott Adams. Adams wrote the book as a thought experiment and targeted a very specific audience.

In the introduction, Adams wrote, "The story contains no violence, no sexual content, and no offensive language. But the ideas expressed by the characters are inappropriate for young minds. People under the age of 14 should not read it."

Adams said the target audience for the book is people who enjoy having their brains spun around in their skulls.

The premise of the book is the effective -- and often wrong -- use of Occam's Razor. Given two equally predictive theories, choose the simpler.

Adams' protagonist is a man who literally knows everything, but uses Occam's Razor to explain the great mysteries of the universe, including the existence of God.

God, as stated in the book, is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. Since God already knows everything throughout time and space, there is really only one question remaining to keep his interest.

What happens when God dies?

The details of this proposition are what make the book worth reading. The simplistic and absurdly basic discussion about this premise between the two main characters will make you smirk, but tug at the edges of your logic centers.

And that's when Adams springs the experiment on you -- find out what's wrong with the explanation of reality.

It is a fabulous read if you like to be challenged, like challenging normalcy or just like reading something different. Adams suggests sharing the book with your smart friends, then discuss it later while enjoying a beverage.

Anyone want to join me?

"I'm not afraid/Of anything in this world/There's nothing you can throw at me/That I haven't already heard"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Blah, Blah, Blah

2005-10-03T05:55:00.000-04:00

Yes, I have been slacking.

The amount of inertia and empathy I have been experiencing is only balanced out by the total disregard of my surroundings. There isn't enough nothingness to express how much I have been paying attention to anything at all.

Get the idea?

That said, I am feeling a very tiny bit of regret for not updating the site. Okay, maybe regret isn't the right word, but you get this today.

I have been more involved in music -- listening, not making -- and that seems to help pass the time. There are some bright spots along the way, but for some reason, I'm focusing on the negative.

I'm not normally that way. When the darkness hits, I can usually embrace it and twist it into my own origami for my amusement.

Lately, the waves have been crashing and I'm without a surfboard -- and I don't care.

That's it. No epiphany, no deep meaning, no secret message.

As a matter of fact, I originally decided to stop writing Touch Em All, because I didn't know if anyone cared or read it anymore. But I find myself in front of the keyboard once again and just rambling.

I need a reset button. I need a broom. And I need a holiday.

Do I need to upset the cart to rearrange the contents? Or do I have the patience and skill to selectively remove the bad apples without spoiling the lot?

And how does the real world do it without television as their guide?

"It's in my best interest to be open-minded and have open ears." -- B.J.Ryan, Orioles pitcher

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Cover Story Tells All

2005-09-19T05:54:00.000-04:00

Despite more than 30 years of getting to know the female persuasion, the different aspects that develop constantly amaze me.

Take magazines. I subscribe to three different mags -- one for my health and fitness, one for the latest trends and one for toys.

On the cover of my health publication, it talks about articles that will grow muscle fast, the best abs exercise, 139 quick health fixes and how to look better than ever. There is one mention of how to find her hottest spots.

My trendy magazine talks about the clothing I should be wearing, protecting my identity, how to get ahead at work and ten blue-ribbon bourbons from the Bluegrass State.

My toys magazine -- well, we'll just skip by that one.

All of these covers speak to articles that impact me directly. Whether it is how I can look my best, how I can get ahead at work, or what toys will work best for me -- it is all about me.

When I was at the doctor's office recently, I took a look at some of the magazine covers that were there. Granted, they were several months old, but what I saw was pretty amazing.

Cosmopolitan -- which I gather is the gold standard for women's magazines -- had several articles on how a woman can keep her man happy. Articles like 101 sex tips, the ego stroke that keeps guys faithful, 8 sex truths you don't know about yourself, and the male brain explained all pointed towards a strange and weirdly twisted conclusion -- it really is all about the guy.

I've always thought that women held all the power when it came to relationships. Men (and I'm including myself in this) are generally easily manipulated by a pouty lip, the scent of a wonderful perfume or the intense focus when you finally catch that woman's eye.

There really isn't much science to it all. And honestly, we are pretty easy.

However, as certain female friends of mine are quick to point out, good guys are much more difficult to find -- and women will do just about anything to hang on to them. Perhaps this is the impetus for the articles in women's magazines -- keeping what you have and like.

Speaking as one of the good guys, we are trying to do the same thing. Good relationships -- whether with a significant other, a good friend or someone you just met - takes effort on both sides. The magazine covers out there make it seem really one-sided.

Maybe gals feel like they have to work on it more than guys. But we guys work on it -- we just never read the directions.

I'm really interested in hearing the female point of view about this one. Do you really read those magazines to find out how to make life better for guys? What is really going on? Or is this all some twisted plot to make guys think you worry about what we want -- while all the time secretly maneuver us into thinking that what we want is what you are already giving us? Arrrrgh!!! "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means no."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Blowin In The Wind

2005-09-12T07:47:00.000-04:00

With all the names (at last check, we are up to O) we are using up, everyone wants to know when they will get to be a hurricane.

My friend Amy was upset that she could no longer be a hurricane. It isn't that she was a deadly storm -- hurricanes that are so deadly or costly that the future use of its name on a different storm would be inappropriate for obvious reasons of sensitivity. Amy was last used in 1973 and not put on any of the current naming lists.

My wife is disappointed that her name isn't on the list of storm names put out by an international committee of the World Meteorological Organization. She is included on the list of storm names for Australia though, so I told her she was just twisted in a different direction than me.

I'm on the list for 2009.

It is odd how people will gravitate to things that have or resemble their own names. Storms were named in 1953 just for ease of identification, but people have a tendency to name things right away before truly understanding them -- labeling them, if you will.

I was sent a Web site that allows people to answer a series of questions to find out what religion you are practicing ... or ought to be practicing.

It was interesting to get my "religion" since I really don't practice one anyway. Apparently, there is a religion for that too.

It certainly doesn't mean I'm going to run out and join the church for my "selected" religion. Heck, I don't even know if they have one, but I have no interest.

What is interesting is that this is another attempt to label people. Nearly every time you meet a new person, one of the first questions they ask is "where do you work?" as if your job defines you. There is a need to "label" someone so you can fit him or her into your world.

I am as guilty as anyone in doing this, although I try not to. It is a bit more difficult to allow a person's actions to define them, but often it is worth the effort.

People are much more complex than simple labels that can be attached to them. In my world, there are no labels.

Except the one that says, "You are here. Have a nice day."

The need to pigeonhole and categorize everything is basic. Scientists do it every time they discover something new. I guess you can't talk about something (or someone) until you name them. It just doesn't necessarily make it right. "It's three o'clock in the morning, and I'm hungry so let's eat."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Simplistic Reaction Time

2005-09-05T05:51:00.000-04:00

How much can I one person take? How much before the system overloads?

The full impact and fury of hurricane Katrina still has yet to be felt, but so many people -- good, decent people -- are filled with such a rage.

Citizens all over Maryland -- and probably the entire nation -- want to help those people whose lives have been utterly destroyed by the storm. The first reaction is one of a helping hand -- to contribute money, clothing, food, whatever they have to spare -- in hopes of restoring some sort of faith in those victims that they are not alone.

However, despite what people believe, support groups and supply convoys simply do not spring up like magic. They take time, logistical support and careful planning. Otherwise, in trying to aid and bring comfort, the efforts end up adding to the chaos.

So people waited.

Yet, the images and stories of the people crushed by the hurricane continue to pour in.

So the waiting turns to frustration.

Here is where the finger pointing and blame game starts. Someone must be responsible for this, they believe. Some group or leader must be held accountable.

But, natural forces of our planet created this situation. People wrote in asking why a nuclear device couldn't be dropped in the middle of the hurricane to disperse it. Why can't we stop a storm or, at the very least, deflect it?

You may as well ask the sun to stop rising. But no one or no group is to blame for the monumental and daunting task of helping those who need it.

People wanted to know why the military couldn't be airdropped in, or why food and water couldn't come from supply packages that were dropped. In that type of environment, only the strongest would survive and those who needed it most wouldn't get it.

This confluence of events -- a powerful storm striking an area that is not only below sea level, but also flattening the most impoverished areas of those cities -- could not have been planned for. Despite all the warnings and "mandatory" evacuations, there were thousands of people who -- for what ever reason -- could not or did not flee.

It is easy to sit in the comfort of our homes hundreds of miles away and armchair quarterback. It is not easy to sit in those same homes and see the images and stories of what is happening down to our brothers and sisters to the south.

And to those of you who try to play the race card, I feel sorry for you -- and more is the pity that those thoughts would cross your minds in this time when togetherness is sometimes the only hope for those people who need it most.

How much can I one person take? How much before the system overloads?

Hopefully, you'll never know.

I have stayed away from the pictures as much as I can. It is probably a comfort that I've been out of it for the past week. I know where my limit is and this is not a time to find out if I can push it. And whatever contributions you can or cannot make to the relief effort, know this -- there is no need for guilt if you know you have done all you can. Every bit helps and everyone -- whether with money, goods, time, effort, or just thoughts -- should help. "Instant Karma's gonna get you/Gonna knock you off your feet/Better recognize your brothers/Ev'ryone you meet/Why in the world are we here/Surely not to live in pain and fear/Why on earth are you there/When you're ev'rywhere/Come and get your share"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Robot Wars

2005-08-29T03:15:00.000-04:00

Update: 8/30 at 8:09 a.m.

The surgery went well, according to the doctor. He cleaned some stuff (technical term) out of my knee and said the tendons along the side of the knee were stretched to the point of tearing, but didn't come loose. All the ligaments (ACL, MCL) looked good.

I was totally wacked out all day Monday. I don't think I've slept that much in a long time. I'll be wrapped and on crutches for a while -- likely start physical therapy sometime next week. There is no timetable yet on when I'll be able to be active again, but I will be working hard towards 100%.

I appreciate all the well-wishes and e-cards I've received. I am truly touch by your outpouring of kind thoughts. I promise to respond to all of you who have written directly to me, but please be patient. The medication tends to make me sluggish -- so awake time is limited to short bursts of consciousness. :)

Next week, no more talk about me. We'll move on to more interesting things.

=======================================================================

I'm heading for surgery in a few hours, so this will be very short now and hopefully I will be conscious enough later to add some more stuff in.

It is amazing how the fear of someone cutting into your body can make you feel oh-so-much better. While I still ache, I would rather just hurt than have surgery.

But then, I try to move and the knives stab into my knee and we're back to square one. Ugh.

I'll be back later -- unless I am under the spell of chemicals for the rest of the day.

Bad Comments

You may have noticed (if you read the comments) that someone submitted spam as a comment. I was able to delete it fairly quickly, but it still got posted on the site for a while.

Automated systems, or bots, scan blog sites like this one and post "comments", which are nothing more than trashing my site and my Internet (possessive, aren't I?) Blogger now has a way to block bots from posting spam, but it requires a little work from you if you want to post a comment.

People leaving comments on the blog will be required to complete a word verification step -- in other words, enter a computer generated word to get their comments posted. Fighting fire with fire.

I like reading the comments. I think you guys are a great bunch and are very thoughtful about what you read here and what you write at the bottom. I want to encourage discussion and a free exchange of ideas. I don't want to make it harder or inconvenient to post comments.

However, if the spam becomes more of an issue, I may have to seriously think about it. Would that stop you from posting a comment if you had to take one extra step?

Imagination is a curious thing. It killed the cat and it is 98% of invention. Albert Einstein once wrote, "Imagination is more important than knowledge -- knowledge is limited, but imagination encircles the world." Have you used your imagination today? It needs exercise, too! "Down with tyranny! up with ... non-tyranny!"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox

Memory Dump

2005-08-22T05:00:00.000-04:00

I have been totally swamped the past couple of weeks. I know. How dare work get in the way with my personal web life?

I apologize for not posting last week, but I promise to give you a heads-up the next time. Unfortunately, this week will just have to be a memory dump -- too much in my mind.

Work

My work site is changing to this. We hope it will be a cleaner site with more available at the user's fingertips.

This is a big project. We are the fourth site to be changed and probably the most contentious so far. Lots of personalization and lots of work on the backend.

I hope to be out of this soon.

Distractions

If you haven't figured out, I am a lover of cartoons. I grew up with Bugs, Daffy, the Road Runner, Taz and all the Warner Brothers gang.

I also watched lots of Spider-Man and Ultra Man (great Japanese show with monsters).

These days, Cartoon Network has got me hooked on Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends. Honestly, if you like cartoons, you have to check this one out. It is great for kids and has enough adult humor to make it good for the rest of us.

Medicos

And if work weren't enough, I have a tear in a ligament in my knee.

Yes, it happened in hockey. Yes, I'm seeing a doctor (and he has seen me).

And yes, I'm driving those close to me nuts. I don't do well with sitting still or not being involved in sports.

My mom has suggested a heavy (or heavier) dose of video games to keep me occupied. My co-workers have been very diligent in reminding me that I need to be on my crutches.

Their only hope is that I'm unconscious while the healing process continues.

But on the other hand, you guys might get more of me. How does that sound?

Did that sound like a threat? :) Don't worry. You'll get warned in plenty of time before that happens. And if you have any good stories to throw my way, I'd be glad to read them. Also, feel free to drop me a line if you get e-mails that sound like hoaxes. I consider it a community service to stop those @#%ing e-mails from clogging up everyone else's inbox. "In an interstellar burst, I am back to save the universe."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox

Random Act Of Kindness

2005-08-08T05:58:00.000-04:00

The past few weeks have put baseball and the steroids issue in the spotlight -- much to the dismay of the Baltimore Orioles.

First baseman Rafael Palmeiro failed a steroid test, months after testifying before Congress that he never took steroids in his career. In a statement after the failed, Palmeiro said he never intentionally took steroids.

Let the parsing begin.

Many fans and non-fans have jumped up and down on Palmeiro and other sluggers for allegedly drugging up throughout their career. Baseball itself has suffered yet another black eye as congressional leaders possibly move to clean up the game.

And yet, for all the publicity that this has created, there was an even bigger story that didn't get nearly the same play.

Last Wednesday, a 6 year-old boy and his grandfather went to a ballgame in Cincinnati to watch the Reds play the Atlanta Braves. Sometime during the game, the grandfather collapsed in the stands and died.

While emergency crews worked to save the man, a security guard took the boy to the Reds bullpen. The boy sat with the players for the rest of the game while his parents were summoned to the ballpark.

When the game ended, outfielder Ken Griffey Jr. went and got him. The boy took part as players exchanged high-fives to celebrate their 8-5 win over Atlanta. Then he then joined them in the clubhouse, where the players showered him with gifts and entertained him until his parents arrived.

“We just tried to make a bad situation a little better,” outfielder Ken Griffey Jr. told the Cincinnati Enquirer. “We play a game. What he was going through doesn’t compare. It was important that the little guy not be by himself.”

So many times, random acts of kindness catch us off guard so badly that we don't realize how magnificent they really are until much later. The Reds didn't have to do anything, yet they reached out to the youngster with so much compassion and understanding that it boggles the mind.

It wasn't about a scheduled activity or a public relations ploy to win over fans. It was about reacting to the situation and having the understanding of the moment.

Baseball isn't about hits, runs, steroids or over-inflated salaries. It is about players and families coming together to enjoy a game.

As Griffey said, "We play a game. What he was going through doesn’t compare."

We could do with more stories of compassion, coming together and understanding.

One more time: just because the tornado isn't directly aimed at your house doesn't mean you get to blast the television station because we are warning those people in the path.

A tornado warning, which means a tornado has actually been sighted or is indicated by radar, was issued this weekend and my television station did what it is supposed to -- break into programming to warn those people who might get hit by the tornado to get out of the way.

It is a station's community responsibility to alert residents to get out of the way of tornadoes to prevent loss of life. Stations don't break into programming just for fun or just to upset your daily routine.

So to the people who decided to swear, belittle and flame the station for the decision to warn people about a tornado that was spotted by the National Weather Service -- the next time a storm comes, don't turn on your television or radio. Let's see if you want to find out about the storm then.

"I am Bloo! And you are my minions!!!"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

We Are Such Prudes

2005-08-01T05:17:00.000-04:00

Hue and cry!

Fear! Fire! Foes!

Sound the alarm!

Oh... wait... *sigh*... it is just another case of overreaction.

You've probably heard about the controversy over a modification available for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. This "hot coffee" mod supposedly allows explicit scenes of sex to be unlocked on the video game.

The maker of the game -- Rockstar -- at first said they didn't create the objectionable content. Then, they said, ok, yes we did, but you weren't supposed to see it. In fairness, the creator of the modification apparently doesn't work for Rockstar, so maybe they can be forgiven for that (but then how did the modder know the code was there -- hmmmm...)

In any event, the typical reaction of "ban all games", "games are evil", "video playing is the bane of our future" quickly emanated from all the usual suspects. The critics demanded blood and the Entertainment Software Ratings Board (ESRB) reacted. They changed the voluntary rating of the game from M for mature to AO for adults only.

A bold move to be sure.

A closer look shows that this is a marshmallow move. According to the ESRB site, titles rated M (Mature) have content that may be suitable for persons ages 17 and older. Titles in this category may contain intense violence, blood and gore, sexual content, and/or strong language.

On the other hand, the site said titles rated AO (Adults Only) have content that should only be played by persons 18 years and older. Titles in this category may include prolonged scenes of intense violence and/or graphic sexual content and nudity.

Note the ages: 17 for M and 18 for AO. I guess that one year makes all the difference in the world -- NOT.

I don't know what they are thinking, but I guess they felt they had to do something. More and more people are "banning" the game because of the extra content so someone had to react -- and react poorly.

I have played Grand Theft Auto and GTA: Vice City. In the game, you are allowed to pay for services rendered by a prostitute. She climbs in the car; you go to a "private" spot; the car shakes and shimmies while moans come from the vehicle (and your money gets depleted); and then she gets out. Some people (mentioning no names here) then shoot the prostitute and regain their money.

That's the basis of the game. Kill for cash -- whether it is mob hits, police officers or prostitutes.

So, by critics standing up and lamenting about the "hot coffee" mod, in effect they are saying it is ok for my 17 year old to learn about killing, but not sex. And if you are letting your child who is under 17 play the game, you have no one to blame but yourself.

On a lighter note, I have a new grill and I've been putting flame to just about every meal. This is a real grill -- not a George Foreman grill -- and this is the first time I've ever owned this metal goddess. Now, I need to find good grilling recipes. I've done the basics, but I'm ready to experiment. You know about my love for ribs. I want to experience meat on bone over flame for myself. It is time for a party. "Ah! What is that? Get it away! It will steal my soul!" -- Eduardo

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Oh, To Be A Kid

2005-07-18T17:58:00.000-04:00

If I were a kid (physically, not mentally), this would have been a great weekend.

When I was a kid, I used to read quite a bit. I remember a time I actually missed getting off the bus because I was so engrossed in a book.

The new Harry Potter book came out this weekend. I made the "mistake" of stopping in a local Barnes and Noble for another reason and was overrun by ... fans.

I've never read the books -- any of them -- and I'm not passing judgment on the books or the fans. But I did read the Tolkien trilogy and so I understand their passion.

I wouldn't know a Muggle from a warhog. What I do know about the Potter world I know from bits of conversation and movie clips on television.

However, even without any knowledge of the books, I wonder what the heck some ministers were thinking when they claimed the writings promoted Satanism and witchcraft. This sounds like somebody trying to jump on the publicity bandwagon.

Anything that can get kids to read in these times should be applauded -- not skewered. And any group that uses a book to further their own agenda needs to take a "chill pill."

Books, much like television, video games, friends, etc., should fall under the jurisdiction of the parents. Given how many adults are fans of Potter, I think the grown-ups know what it is all about.

Get out of the spotlight (and out of the way) and let the kids have some fun and imagination. And me, too.

Also, those people who said they wouldn't go see 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' because they love 'Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory' -- get over it. The movie is great. Johnny Depp makes a good Wonka. Gene Wilder made a good Wonka. There can be two. And the scenes are out loud laughable. You will be missing a good family movie and a good time. It is a great movie for kids, too. What a weekend. "There is no Dana -- only Zool."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Too Much Support?

2005-07-11T05:47:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, I ran only the second race ever in my adult life -- and I didn't even run it because I wanted to.

My wife, Kim, is in training for a marathon -- her first. This is the same woman who has recovered from knee surgery -- three of them.

She has been very good about doing things the right way. She got new running shoes. She's been talking to runners for tips and reading books for insight.

Her training has been going well. Over the past few weeks, she's been doing her long runs along a trail that I can rollerblade so it can be a joint venture.

Up front: I hate running for running's sake. I get bored too easily with the thought of running without chasing a ball or someone. I can do 90 feet or 100 yards or 94 feet (baseball, football, basketball) without any trouble.

I just can't mentally do it. I'm weak.

However, I will support her efforts to run a marathon in any way possible. And this time, I decided I would run with her in her first race -- a 5K race in Gettysburg, Pa.

Five kilometers translates to about 3.1 miles. I can do that. I've done it before, which is where I found out how boring running really is to me.

But for Kim, I can converse and encourage. She set out to run a 12-minute mile and her final pace ended up being 11:57 per mile.

I was very proud of her to overcome not only three knee surgeries, but her own doubts as well. She's well on her way to running in her marathon.

Now, she wants to run in a 10K race in about 4 months. And now, I'm torn.

Part of me wants to get myself ready to run with her. Physically, I think I can do it, but then again, I'm not sure if this isn't something she wants -- and should -- tackle on her own.

This is her glory and her time. In wanting to be the support team, do I do what she does or do I just stand on the sidelines and let her have the spotlight?

Even if I was to run at her side, this is her conquest. I'm just glad to be the sidekick. She is doing something very special and something I would never consider.

I just don't know what to do now.

I did marathon support for a very good friend of mine several years ago. As part of her support team, I joined her on the course around the 10-mile mark and stayed with her until the end. But I was on a bike carrying liquids and medications -- she was running on bad wheels. And she did it. As she wrote to me later, she said I was her "guardian angel on the course, never passing judgment, but knowing I would never let her fail." Failure is only if you don't try. I like strong women, can you tell? "'Stay away,' meaning do not approach the vicinity of. 'Do not enter,' meaning stay out, which should not arise if you saw 'stay away.'"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Separation Anxiety or Choose Your Pleasure

2005-07-05T05:12:00.000-04:00

Hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday weekend. And for those of you who aren't Americans, sorry you had to work on Monday.

The 4th of July weekend means so many things to so many people -- fireworks, hot dogs, independence, freedom. It also means the release of this year's "summer blockbuster" movie.

And if you didn't know, this year's movie is "War of the Worlds" -- Steven Spielberg's remake of the classic. The basic concept is Mars invades Earth with the purpose of wiping us all out.

The story is supposed to be pretty close to the original screenplay with updated effects and background. However, the biggest talk to this movie has been the star of the flick, Tom Cruise.

I'm not going to recount every bit of Cruise's ... publicity. And I use that term lightly.

His actions leading up to the release of the movie had some people questioning his intentions and sanity. I guess we'll see how long he and Katie stay together after the movie to find out whether this is true love or not.

The big thing has been the reaction of the public. While most accept it for what they think it is, some have voiced their displeasure with his (antics, politics, religion -- choose 1).

I asked a friend if an actor's stance on any particular topic makes you more or less willing to attend their performance. There was a quick and unequivocal "yes" and a lengthy explanation about supporting such an actor's stance if you pay to see them.

That's a bit shortsighted.

There have been many performers that I never wanted to see perform, but I shelled out the dough to hear their recordings. When I go to watch a movie, I don't analyze the actors voting records. I want to figure out if there is a good story to be watched.

Am I being naive? Or ignorant? Nah. I just think I'm willing to separate a person's actions from their (antics, politics, religion -- choose 1) without judging either. That isn't to say that people who choose to base their entertainment on an actor's (antics, politics, religion -- choose 1) that they are making a mistake.

They are just exercising their right to choose. We should all exercise as much as possible.

Yes, I do plan to see War of the Worlds, but the one I'm really looking forward to is Fantastic Four. I'm a comics geek from way back. I even have some comics from the 70s and 80s. And no, you can't have them. I'm saving them for my children to show them the true Golden Age of superheros. Flash was my favorite and still is. "At least the bunnies are on fire."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Blame Game

2005-06-27T06:09:00.000-04:00

The logic escapes me. Not surprising, but some days are worse than others.

I read a recent news article in my local neighborhood paper (yes, an actual newspaper) with the headline, "Dog bites woman, and is euthanized." Since this is my neighborhood paper, I decide to read further to find out if there was a dog on the loose and I didn't know about it.

It turns out the 2-year-old, 91-pound Akita had to be put down because it bit a woman in the nose and lips when she bent down to pet the dog.. The woman was treated for several days at Shock Trauma for her injuries.

The report said the dog had to be euthanized to check for rabies. Fortunately, the test came back negative.

In reading the story further, it turns out the woman who was injured was repeatedly warned not to pet the dog. Let me repeat: the woman who was injured was repeatedly warned not to pet the dog.

So, the woman gets bit and the dog gets killed -- all because the woman did something she was repeatedly told not to do. You can't see it, but my hackles are rising at the lunacy of the woman's actions.

In a small sense, I also think some of the blame for the dog's death has to fall on the owner's shoulders. Perhaps if the dog was up-to-date on its rabies shots, the animal wouldn't have to be destroyed to find out if the pet had the disease.

The onus and majority of the responsibility of this death lies in the lap of the injured woman. I feel bad that she got hurt, but I feel worse that her actions caused the euthanization of a family pet.

To me, this is akin to someone picking up a bottle of cleaner with the words, "POISON. Do Not Ingest," and then suing the cleaner company because the person drank it.

As I said, the logic escapes me. Unfortunately, a dog's life was lost in the process.

I can't stop shaking my head over this. Grrrr. And since I'm in a bad mood, why does a container of pure orange juice cost more than the same size container of some soft drink? Is the cost of growing something naturally more than mixing up a bunch of chemical to create a caramel-colored goo? In this day and age of healthy eating, how screwed up is this? "'Sowwy' doesn't make up for the fact that we had to reside in the unicorn stables for 36 days!"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Meat On Bone

2005-06-20T05:54:00.000-04:00

Ok. I didn't mean to, but apparently I am not alone in my search for good ribs.

I will say that what is good for me may not be good for you. There are so many different flavors, spices and sauces out there to cater to each and every set of taste buds.

Having said that, dive into the BBQ sauce with me!

I will not speak of ribs from "family restaurants" like Chili's, Applebee's, Ruby Tuesday's and others of their ilk. It isn't that their ribs are terrible -- it is just that they don't really barbecue with smoke and flame in their own establishment. If they do, then they really are pathetic.

In the Baltimore-Washington area, there are four legitimate restaurants that call themselves rib places where I have partaken of charred meat on bone. Each has its own quality, but there is delineation between each.

The Corner Stable in Cockeysville only gets 1 "bone" out of 4 from me. The ribs lack a certain uniqueness in their flavor. They aren't bad -- they just don't fill me with longing to come back for more. I visited a couple of times and there was no continuity of flavor with the meat or their sauces. Call me weird (and many do), but I like knowing what I'm going to get when I go to a specialty restaurant.

Red, Hot and Blue in Laurel gets 2 1/2 "bones" in a fine effort. The meat is good, flavorful and abundant. I like the spices they use on the rack and they do a fairly good job of charring up the meat on the bone. My biggest gripe with them is the sauces. None of them really light up my taste buds and they all taste about the same. Am I a "sauce snob?" Probably.

Famous Dave's is new to my culinary party. I've been there twice and will probably go back for more. I'm going to give them 3 "bones," but they are conditional because the sample is small. The baby back ribs were okay, but the full ribs were so much better. Good char on the meat and lots of spice in the rub. And the sauces -- wow! Five different sauces and each had their own characteristic flavor. My favorite was the Devil's Spit sauce -- a nice spicy sauce with just a bit of heat. If you like "side dishes with your frozen waffles" (sorry, South Park reference), the baked beans were very tasty, but the cornbread lacked sweetness that I prefer in my cornbread.

My winner with 3 1/2 "bones" is Andy Nelson's in Hunt Valley. It looks like a little shack along the side of York Road, but it actually is housed in two separate buildings -- just follow your nose. The meat is plentiful and just falls off the bone -- a good test for a rib place. The sauce is very flavorful, but they just put too much on sometimes (my only drawback). And the ribs are fresh, because you can smell them constantly as the turnover is quick. The service is great and the atmosphere is what you expect from rib place. I can polish off a full rack and feel quite satisfied for several hours. A real winner in my opinion (your mileage may vary).

Two other quick mentions: Wayne's Bar-B-Que had the best cornbread -- other than my mom's -- that I've ever had. Wayne sold his place and quit the business. There is also a place in Georgetown (I can't think of the name -- help me!) that specialized in meat on bone. I went there once and it was pretty good. They had, I think, 8 or 9 different sauces, so the selection was good. But like I said, I only went there once. ROAD TRIP!!!

These are my choices. They are based solely on my impressions and taste buds. It is not my intention to diss anyone's favorite restaurant, but I would love to hear who you think makes the best ribs in the area. Not only will we pass along our favs, but hopefully, we'll all find new places to eat.

And if by chance we do come to a consensus, we should all get together for a rib feast. Who can bring the wet-naps?

Food is the great divider, but also brings people together. Ribs are like chili -- everyone has an opinion and everyone's opinion varies. There is plenty to go around, so don't hog (bad pun) all the good ribs for yourself. And if you find another "specialty" restaurant -- one that emphasizes a certain food or style -- be sure to share with your TEA friends. "Turn your insides out to the outside/Turn the outside in to the inside/Trade your outside in for the inside."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

To Do Or To Just Think?

2005-06-13T05:02:00.000-04:00

Is it better to want to do good, or perform the act of doing good?

Can you do good without meaning to? And does it count as much unless the intent is there?

Intent plays such a big part in many aspects of life. Parents are encouraging their children to "do your best." Athletes are lauded for giving 110 percent even if they don't win.

In our court system, intent is key in doling out punishment, and even charges are decided by what the alleged criminal's intent was. For example, if I intend to hit someone with my car, it is completely different than if I didn't intend to, but accidentally, create the same injury.

Conversely, if I try to help someone who is down and out by giving them money, but they use it to buy drugs or alcohol, am I really doing good -- even though my intent was to help them? So many different paths and how can we tell which to take?

Irish writer and playwright Oscar Wilde once said, "It's always with the best intentions that the worst work is done." Does that mean that unless I actually perform the act that I'm not doing good?

Another quote that makes the rounds often is "The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention." By this, good actions are always more important than any plan to do good, but can you do one without the other?

I feel like you can do either or both. Karma, in my view, is a fluid river, and to keep it going in the right direction, good intentions and actions are needed. There shouldn't be one exclusively, but you can't do enough to put you on the plus side on the ledger of life.

Show Me

A quick aside, we were discussing concealed weapons and I questioned the intelligence of having a concealed weapon.

I mean, if I want to carry a gun for protection and I have it concealed, a mugger will still try to assault me. But if I'm carrying it out in the open, he knows what I have and will probably shy away.

Make all concealed weapons illegal and start handing out holsters. I'm not saying we need to go back to the Wild West, but we don't hide our nuclear weapons, which are supposed to be deterrents from other countries attacking us.

I don't like guns, so I'm not carrying one -- even if it is legal. And I'm certainly not moving to Texas where carrying one unconcealed is legal. Nothing against Texas -- I love BBQ! Speaking of BBQ, I'm on a mission to find the best restaurant ribs. What a yummy quest -- anyone want to join me? "You can see the shadows wandering off somewhere/They won't make it home/But they don't really care."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Youngsters Have It So Good

2005-05-31T05:14:00.000-04:00

If you are a fan of my writings, you are well aware of where I work. Part of their morning show involves what is known as the Watercooler Question of the Day.

A recent question asked viewers about a plan for the government to ban spanking. While I won't go into that insane prospect (it reminds me of a "plan" to abolish all laws except for the 10 Commandments -- how do you enforce "Honor your father and your mother"?), some of the answers received talked about how they got spanked as children and they turned out as good, law-abiding citizens.

It reminded me of an e-mail I received about why people over 30 should all be dead anyway. And since some of my friends are soon to reach that age -- or whizzing past it -- I thought I would share it with you.

This is the e-mail:

People over 30 should be dead and here's why:

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day -- NO CELL PHONES!!!!!

We had friends! We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt. We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents because they were just accidents.

No one was to blame but us.

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law.

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

People under 30 are WIMPS !

Thus endeth the e-mail.

I can honestly say I did most of those things when I was a kid. I didn't eat the worms though and I'm glad that some of those things will never happen to children again.

It was a different world back then … better in some ways, but today is just as great. You just have to be able to adapt.

I told my wife that I'm a 42-year-old guy with the mileage of an 85-year-old man.. and the mentality of a 12-year-old. She agreed with me. I was trying to be sarcastic! Oh, boy. Do I need to take better care of my body or "age" my personality? Nah. I think I'll continue to push the envelope and giggle as I do it. And how many grown men do you know that will admit to giggling? I'm not normal! "The girl on the seesaw is laughing/4 love is the color/This place imparts"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

The Force Is Strong With This One

2005-05-24T06:04:00.000-04:00

I know this is a day late, but I had to wait to write about today's topic.

I was 14 years old when it first appeared on the big screen. I saw it then.

I am 42 when it appeared on the big screen for the final (?) time. And I saw it now.

In between, I always believed that the original "Star Wars" was the best -- without equal to the others. Now, I think "Revenge of the Sith" is right on par with the original.

I promise not to give away important details to the movie. I just want to chat about how this grand series impressed legions of fans -- including myself.

George Lucas had a vision and the final (no. 3) installment fulfills the dream completely. For me, the series indeed has come full circle and now I wait for all of it on DVD.

"Sith" hit all my emotions -- anger, amusement, fear, joy, -- and that is the mark of a good movie. I did notice some women were crying by the end and some children were scared.

It was not the greatest movie ever (that title goes to Monty Python and the Holy Grail), but it ranks in my top 10 of all time.

Everyone knows how it ends -- Anakin becomes Darth Vadar, Luke and Leia are born, Yoda and Obi-Wan go off to their respective planets -- but how it got to that point is better than any ending.

It was nearly 30 years in the making, but it was worth it. All the remaining mysteries were solved and questions were answered.

Can I gush anymore? Probably, but I've erased several sentences already because I promised no spoilers. Darn my sense of fair play!

I knew this summer was going to be full of movies. There are too many out there that I want to see. I've already seen "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and "Sith". "Batman Begins", "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", "Fantastic Four", and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" all are beckoning to me.

I can't remember a time when so many good flicks were hitting the screen at the same time. But topping "Sith" will be very difficult indeed.

Ok. One spoiler: C3PO gets the final word in "Sith". He also got the first word in "Star Wars". A bit of geek trivia for you. Has this series jumped the shark? Or does it continue as another addition to a cultural icon that will endure? And where do we go from here? "I have a bad feeling about this."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

It Doesn't Have To Be An Idiot Box

2005-05-16T06:35:00.000-04:00

I like my job in news. I like knowing what's going on before anyone else.

I also like taking on the responsibility of passing along that information as accurately and quickly as possible to the general public. So, it pains me greatly when others in my business take liberties and erode the trust that I've worked so hard to build up.

Because, just like politicians, the all members of the press get painted with the same brush when something goes wrong.

Two separate stories this week brought the media fully into the spotlight.

In Los Angeles (land of the highway chase), helicopters are routinely used to follow high-speed -- and sometimes, high drama -- police chases live as they happen. Yes, the number of viewers rises and, most of the time, it makes for interesting television.

This time, the bad guy pulled into a parking lot and jumped out of his vehicle with a weapon in his hand. Surrounded by police, the suspect stumbled, dropped his weapon -- then reached in his pocket and pulled out another weapon.

With cameras zoomed in on the suspect, police opened fire and killed the man -- on live television.

Recently, Newsweek magazine published an article claiming that interrogators at Guantanamo Bay flushed a Quran down the toilet to get inmates to talk. The story allegedly triggered riots in Afghanistan that ended in the deaths of 15 people.

In their explanation of the article, Newsweek said they used one source for the accusation and did not get confirmation on the flushing aspect of the story. But they published anyway "because a U.S. official said government investigators turned up this evidence."

Later, a Pentagon spokesman said they investigated the desecration charges and found them "not credible." Newsweek's original source also began backtracking about the alleged Quran incident.

It all comes down to the weighty responsibility we in the media have to provide accurate information and not sensationalize the news that is out there. I can't tell you how many e-mails from viewers I see about how the media is liberal, conservative, bias, slanted, you name it.

Everyone has an opinion and as long as people continue to accuse us of being on both ends of the spectrum, I guess we are doing a good job. I just wish others in my business would take the same tact as I do -- investigate, discover, verify, analyze and report.

Not every man in a speeding car needs to be on the air. And the need to be first doesn't have to take precedent.

Yeah, I wear a "J" on my chest -- and proud of it. I'm not saying I'm better at it that others. But I do think people in the news should reflect on the history -- and history makers -- of our industry. It would be a very intersting lesson indeed. Speaking of history, the "last" Star Wars opens this week. If anyone has a spare ticket...? "Yeah, and they'll probably kill it to death." (Thanks, Amy)

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Time Out

2005-05-09T05:49:00.000-04:00

I'm taking a break this week. It is my birthday this week and there has been quite a lot going on.

I hope you don't mind. I promise to be back next week with more, but I just need to take some time off.

Do not despair. I leave you this week with this:

"The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be ... unnatural"

I can't wait!!!

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Stick Out Your Thumb

2005-05-02T06:50:00.000-04:00

Never let someone else tell you what you should like.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been reading all these reviews of the new movie, "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy". Nearly every critic was luke warm to downright frigid in their take on the film.

For the record, I own 1st printings of the Hitchhiker's trilogy. I also have recordings from the BBC radio program and a long time ago, I had a video game based on the books.

To say I'm a fan would be reasonable. So if anyone were going to blast the movie, you would think I would be first in line.

I'm here to tell the critics to bugger off.

Most of their problem was that the movie didn't follow along directly with the books. Some of the reviews also said the jokes were too subtle.

Bollocks, I say.

Sure, the movie wasn't a direct adaptation of the books, but the story was there and the additions and subtractions didn't detract from a very good movie. The screenplay was started by Douglas Adams, author of the trilogy, and admirably continued after his death.

The dialog was funny and the bits were hilarious. One of the funniest involved a sperm whale and its brief moments of existence -- much more comedic in movie form than in the books. Watch the movie and you'll see what I mean.

Every one is entitled to their own opinion. Mine is usually right here -- or you can just ask me and I'll give it to you. Remember, though, if you ask me a question, be sure you really want an answer.

The broader point here is don't let others tell you what to watch, what to do or what to say. Choose your own way and be responsible for the choices you make.

There are many instances in life when the path forks. Pick the path that is best for you and your future -- whether it be taking a new job or watching a new movie.

And above all, don't panic.

Doing The Heavy Lifting

Since you asked, I did have a stress test this past week.

And according to the cardiologist, I have "the heart of someone in their 20s" and no cardio problems whatsoever. Hurray for me!

Of course, this still doesn't answer the question of why I'm having chest pains, but at least I know it doesn't have anything to do with my heart. But I do know one answer -- 42 -- and I also know the question!

Speaking of movies, there are so many out this summer that if you can't reach me, I'm probably in a theater somewhere. The new Star Wars, Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, Fantastic Four -- it is a veritable plethora of cinematic fun. Don't let me tell you what to watch. Your tastes may be different than mine and probably don't have the expressed, written consent of Major League Baseball. "Mostly harmless."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Worthy/Unworthy Additions

2005-04-25T06:31:00.000-04:00

My long and painful nightmare is now over. I am a homeowner.

The paperwork is complete, the signature has been signed (over and over and over and ...), and now the moving begins. To all of you who wrote in with your own horror stories about bidding for a new home, you will always have my sympathies. I now know there are kindred spirits out there.

And Now For Something Completely Different

Longtime readers know about my loathing for "reality" programs. They aren't real and they certainly aren't interesting to me. I know they are immensely popular, but I just can't watch them -- and yes, I've tried.

However, even fans of "reality" shows were bemoaning the news reports about Britney Spears' pregnancy. Talk about irrelevancy!

Mrs. Federline has been out of circulation since releasing a new album in 2003. A greatest hits compilation came out in 2004, but honestly, how much work does that take?

And it isn't that I'm against her becoming a mother, but does it really require a press release, a media tour and magazine covers all over the shelves?

There are plenty of women who become mothers without the fanfare and bells and whistles. There are some who even lose their children with no mention on the news. I know not everything makes news -- it is allegedly what the public wants to see.

It is just very disappointing if an entertainer's pregnancy is considered worthy of the designation "news." One line is fine -- not half-hour programs.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find stories about Lindsey Lohan's blonde hair.

Find The Kitty

Now this is news!

A litter of four cheetahs was born at the National Zoo on April 14. This is the second litter of cheetahs ever born at the National Zoo.

I'm a cat person, so I have an affinity toward the feline persuasion. But these little fuzz balls are adorable.

Cheetahs are fast becoming an endangered species in their homeland. Conservation and breeding programs around the world are hoping to stem the loss.

This pregnancy got less play than Spears, but it is so much more important.

And much cuter too. I just keep saying, "Awwww!" when looking at the pictures.

I'm a sucker for kitty-cats. I've even "wrestled" a tiger cub before.

Purr!

Nothing against canines! I like puppies too, but I have been and always will be a cat person. And I've transformed my wife (an avowed cat-hater) to love my two fur balls. I think she wouldn't mind if we adopted one or two of the cheetah cubs. However, I made sure to neuter my "kids" and everyone should as well. There are plenty of unwanted cats and dogs that need homes. "Thundercats -- ho!"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Evolution Of Communication

2005-04-18T06:28:00.000-04:00

In the world of communication, faster is better.

Information flow has never been quicker in our world's history and technology continues to push the speed envelope even faster as the demands of business hold the throttle down. "Time is money" as the old saying goes.

But what have we sacrificed in the name of speed?

Personal information -- communication between two people -- has also evolved into something akin to the Road Runner. Instant messaging and two-way pagers are now the norm when just a few years ago (that's right -- a FEW years ago), only a select number could use them.

Now, kids are communicating with their friends via IM or pager. And the information flow is nonstop, but with the feel of cold robotics no matter how many emoticons are in the message.

One step down on the speed chain (but a very small step) is the e-mail. Think Road Runner just after he wakes up in the morning -- quick and speedy, but just a tad sluggish when compared to his IM counterpart.

And sluggish is a relative term. I, myself, have engaged in full-fledged conversations via e-mails and replies.

But e-mails to me offer the shield of impersonality as well. Someone can write a "flame" e-mail to another person and never (if they want) have to deal with the response or reactions to the e-mail.

I'm reminded of a Dilbert cartoon several years ago. Dilbert is typing an e-mail on his computer to Wally and insults him with several comments about his work, his "simian heritage" and his smell. Wally peers over the cubicle wall and says, "You're pretty brave in cyberspace, flame boy" -- to which Dilbert invited Wally to "Step inside."

In my job as managing editor of TheWBALChannel.com, hundreds of e-mails make their way through my inbox. Most are spam, a majority are harmless, but some are outright nasty. People write things in e-mails they wouldn't say to someone's face because the writers feel they can "get away with it." Fire it off and never have to deal with the anger or repercussions.

And we lose the personality and the person because the receiver then focuses on the messenger and delivery rather than the message. Phones used to be our communication device of choice -- and I'm not talking about those cell phones that have text messaging and e-mails and photo downloads and Internet browsers (and yes, I have one exactly like that). I'm talking about that thing hanging on your kitchen wall -- whether it has a cord or not.

Those phones at least keep us anchored to one spot and, even though we try to cook dinner while we're talking, at least we hear the inflection in the voice and the manner in which words are intended. When you call someone, you are saying to him or her, "I'd like to spend part of my day conversing with you and invest part of myself in you."

It is more personal than e-mail or IM and just as quick. However, we have seemed to lose touch with that bit of persona in the face of efficiency. But there is still hope.

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, ink and paper ruled the land. The written letter was king and queen and the people rejoiced.

How many of you don't enjoy getting a written letter or card from a friend or loved one? Do you remember running to the mailbox as a kid to see if someone had written you?

For me, the thrill is still there. (But then again, I'm a Toys "R" Us kid)

It means so much more when I get a written letter because that is just about as personal as it gets without pressing flesh. To sit down and take pen in hand means the recipient is the only thing on the writer's mind. It means using their valuable time to craft a work of art and sharing it with the person for which it was intended.

It means creating a tear or a laugh or a feeling of warmth that only seems to come from a letter.

I know some will say (and feel free to e-mail or write) that letters are old-fashioned and outdated. Why wait days to get a response when I can send an e-mail and get it quicker?

Because waiting is part of the thrill.

My job is, and probably always will be in the future, part of the electronic communication field (BEEP, BEEP, ZOOM!). I use every tech means possible to get my job done quicker, faster and more accurately than ever before. That is the impersonal side of my life.

However, nothing should stop any of us from taking the time to show someone we are thinking only of them at a particular moment. Whether it is to shower someone with love, to share a thought or incident, or to "flame," it always means more when it comes in a letter.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take pen and paper in hand and write a couple dozen people.

And now my music is getting the same way. Between my iPod and satellite radio, I can't remember the last time I actually listened to music. Is that bad? Am I geeking out way too much? Nah. I just like what I like and I don't want/need all the chatter -- unless it is ESPN Radio. "When I left you I was but a learner. Now I am the master."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Add a comment below and tell me what you think or write to me if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Chocolate Chip Are Best

2005-04-11T06:01:00.000-04:00

C is for cookie.

That's about as basic as it ever gets. However, the Cookie Monster of Sesame Street now has to learn that C is for cookie -- sometimes.

The creative crew behind the world famous show is launching a Healthy Habits For Life initiative, and other characters are taking part, too. Show producers said with the rise in childhood obesity, Sesame Street is focusing on teaching children about healthy foods and physical activity.

Cookie Monster gets a new song, Big Bird and Elmo start exercising and we get talking vegetables on the show.

Forget, for the moment, that I'm not very comfortable with talking vegetables. How is that going to get children to eat them if they see them talking to the kids?

Oh, the horror! Oh, the humanity -- or vegetable-ity!

Some critics are already jumping on Sesame Street for doing the parenting for the adults. If childhood obesity is such a problem, how is a kid show going to be the catalyst to correct the behavior?

I'm not sure that teaching children about good food and getting out to play is such a bad thing. As a matter of fact, what's wrong with a little positive reinforcement from television to a message that parents should be delivering anyway?

I don't have children, so I may be out of line here. But I see overweight children with overweight parents and I wonder if we adults realize what a powerful influence we have over our offspring.

Television should never replace life lessons. Adults, parents and non-parents alike, can make all the difference in every child's life.

But please, give the Cookie Monster his cookies. After all, Green Bean Monster doesn't sound as fun.

So, I'm driving along late one night and for some reason, dark poetry leaps into my head. For the want of a keyboard! However, I do get most of it down, but I don't think you guys would appreciate it -- or even expect it out of me. Then I started wondering what you did want from Touch 'Em All -- comedy, political seriousness, random thoughts of unconsciousness? Maybe you do want poetry. Heck, sometimes I don't even know what I'm going to write until I sit down at the keyboard. That's part of the fun for me -- what is fun for you? "Beealzebub has a devil put aside for me."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me or add a comment below and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Floating Down Stream

2005-04-04T06:34:00.000-04:00

BREAKING NEWS -- 4/4/05 @ 10 p.m.
Our 11th bid for a home is apparently successful. Our agent called us and said our bid was accepted.

Yes, we are beside ourselves and excited beyond imagining. I'll let you in on more details as they become available. There is still some negotiating to do, but it looks like we are going to become homeowners.

Back to our regularly scheduled column...

Spring Cleaning

April is a signal to me that spring is here. Yes, I know it officially began last month, but it doesn't feel like spring in March.

Spring is a time of renewal, rebirth and hot dogs (but that's another column). It is also a time to clean out the old and make room for the new. So, I'm going to do a partial memory dump and get some of the lingering thoughts out of my head so I can cram some new ones in.

How Old?

For the record, I'm on the wrong side of 40 years old. (For an exact age after this year, answer the question to Life, The Universe and Everything.)

However, after a rather vigorous game of ice hockey last Saturday, I stopped off at my local purveyor of brewed beverages (beer) and made a purchase. I'm a beer snob, so I won't bore you with the exact details.

After bringing my purchase to the counter, the clerk said, "$13.38, please. May I see your ID?"

"Excuse me?" I stammered.

"I need to see your ID," he said.

I honestly laughed out loud and said, "Thank you so much" as I handed over my license.

I have been told that I do have a youthful look. And I try to make sure that I don't project age. But I haven't been carded in ... well, I can't even remember the last time I got carded.

As long as they don't card me at the video game store when I try to buy those "M" games, I'll be fine. And seriously amused.

Obey The Sign

Speaking of stores, I was at the Towson Town Center recently and parked in their parking deck. If you have ever parked there, there are signs on the inner row of parking spaces that read "Small Cars Only."

For the record, if you own a minivan, SUV or full-sized pickup truck, you are NOT a small car. As I was walking into the mall, a very large SUV was attempting to pull into one of the space marked for small cars -- right in front of the sign.

As I left, I noticed the same SUV had backed into the space. I guess the driver didn't want to read the sign.

Play Ball!

Spring is also baseball season. The Orioles start the season with lots of optimism, very little starting pitching, more power and a bullpen that could be one of the best in the league.

They also start the season with some new neighbors to the south -- the Washington Nationals.

There was a lot of hubbub made about the Nationals and their impact on the Orioles' fan base. I will probably go to a few games (my wife is excited about a team in D.C.), but I'm still an O's fan at heart.

Plus, if they start winning, more people will show up at Oriole Park at Camden Yards. That gets fans in the seats more than a Sammy Sosa t-shirt giveaway.

Farewell

I'm not a man of religion. However, I felt moved when Pope John Paul II passed away this weekend.

It is hard not to be moved when a man who was a part of such monumental changes in the world passes on. Pope John Paul II also impressed me as he reached out to all people -- no matter what faith.

Farewell and thank you.

This was more a stream of consciousness than a rant of any sort. Thanks for indulging me. Sometimes, you just have to sweep it all out. And thank you for all those who wrote in about my recent "episode" concerning house hunting. I'm doing fine and I'm trying to take it easy. I know it will come around. But instant gratification just isn't fast enough. "Stuck inside a wheel, inside a wheel/Wondering everyday is it all for real."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me or add a comment below and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Diamonds And Wine

2005-03-28T07:04:00.000-05:00

I haven't been in a slump like this since -- well, never. We are now 0-for-7 or 0-for-8 or ... who knows, I've lost count ... in our search for a new home.

This latest round of rejections and disappointment, though, was a little different from previous ones. This one had some slightly familiar "twinges."

I know that I shouldn't take this personally. I know that we are doing all we can and our agent confirms that our actions are reasonable and sensible. It is the other lunatics out there who are screwing us.

I've read all the recent reports -- housing costs in the Baltimore/Washington area have gone up more than 65 percent in the last 5 years, people are leaving D.C. and heading north with all the money they are getting from selling their home.

But -- and I say this more often now than I have in the past -- stress is the killer.

Several years ago, I had what I call a heart episode -- one that landed me in the hospital with several wires and tubes connected to me. I had all the classic symptoms of a heart attack (at the age of 36) and missed work for about 3 months while doctors and I straightened it all out.

Stress, they said. Pain in the keister, I said.

However, I learned all the relaxation techniques, exercised more and ate better. I dare say I'm physically better than I was 10 years ago. Mentally, though....

The mind can do wonderful things, if you let it. I remember reading a study that the average human only uses roughly 10 percent of the potential brainpower available. What are we doing with the other 90 percent?

Needless to say, my brain has been working overtime lately with the home dilemma, work pressure and personality clashes. And let's just say I was about 15 seconds away from dialing 911 last week.

I remember what it was like several years ago and I felt like I was headed in that direction again -- tightness in the chest, dizziness, nausea -- but I was missing some of the symptoms I experienced in the past. I rationalized; I agonized (probably creating more stress) and I decided to go grocery shopping.

The grocery store is my relaxation place. Don't ask me why -- it just works.

I got phone calls from my wife and my best friend -- checking up on me, I found out later -- and the dagger in my chest subsided.

But the pain is still there.

Does this mean we stop looking for a new home? No. The only thing that is going to make me feel better is to succeed -- I hate losing and I hate giving up even worse. I don't do well with rejection -- never have -- but then again, I have never been rejected so many times in such a short time span.

And I found out I can apparently project my stress onto others without even trying. One of the women I work with said she was stressed all weekend for me because she wanted me to succeed so badly.

I always wanted a super power -- but I'd rather be bitten by a radioactive spider. Projecting stress isn't that effective when fighting a bank robber. The image is pretty funny, though.

I'll survive. I always do. I just have to keep reminding myself that it isn't the end of the world or my life. There are more important things I have to do before I'm done and I'm not giving up that easy.

But I'll keep my cell phone charged and with me at all times -- just in case.

Tick, tock. No matter what happens, the clock keeps moving forward. And the sooner I realize that I am not Father Time or Chronos, the better I will be. I can't control other people do, I can't control what other people say and I can't control what other people feel. But I will control what goes in this column. Count on it! "I'm weak and I've gone hazy yeah."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me or add a comment below and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Get Off Of My Cloud

2005-03-21T08:06:00.000-05:00

I was all set this time to totally rip Congress a new one for getting involved in the baseball steroids issue. I mean I was all fired up to question their direction and their thinking for getting into it when there are so many other problems they should concern themselves with.

I had my arguments ready -- baseball is a game, these are adults, what about high gas prices, what about the war in Iraq. I mean this is our national pastime, but does Congress really need to butt in?

I had counterarguments ready as well. The representatives on the panel constantly referred to protecting the children, which is all fine and dandy. However, why not protect them from drugs that have a broader impact and not affect just athletes.

I was ready!

And then, they decided they could go one better and get involved in the Terri Schiavo case.

I don't know Terri. I don't know what she wants. I don't know what was said between her and her husband.

I've never known anyone in her condition and I don't know how I'd react if this were happening to one of my family members.

But I do know that I wouldn't want that decision taken out of my hands. I do know what my family and I have discussed. Would a living will help? Sure, but that piece of paper doesn't change the thinking behind what was discussed.

I'm not sure where Congress and President George W. Bush feel they are helping and why they think they can get involved in individual cases. Have they opened the door to other people who want changes to their particular case? Are they setting precedent that nothing decided by a husband and wife cannot be considered binding unless they get it in written form?

There really is something scary about all this. How many more of my personal decisions are going to be taken out of my hands by 435 congressmen and a president?

This may be a decision and a debate that needs to go forward, but it does not and should not happen with the passion and speed that they are moving at now. This is something that should be carefully considered, not reacted to.

And this is something they shouldn't be involved in at all. Ultimately, who do we need to protect ourselves from -- our family or a "well-meaning" Congress.

Now, I'm scared. I don't have a living will. And I should. But I don't want Congress involved in my family's very personal decision. And now, I have to react. But get the heck out of baseball! Leave my sport alone. Fans will deal with those players who cheat, but I don't need Congressional interference to straighten out my game. I'll do that with my attendance, because the best place to make sure the owners and players get the message is in the wallet. "Imperio!"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me or add a comment below and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

The Cartoon Solution

2005-03-14T06:12:00.000-05:00

I do a lot of driving -- to work, to the store, to hockey games, to look for a new house -- and I get to see a lot of drivers.

And I get to see a lot of drivers do dumb things -- not using a directional signal, driving while (talking without hands-free, putting on make-up, shaving, etc.), speeding past police officers sitting on the side of the road.

But I guess my biggest pet peeve is those people who don't know what "yield" means.

The Animaniacs, a cartoon favorite of mine because of the wit, did a very small bit concerning yielding. Bear with me.

Two of the Animaniacs, Yakko and Dot, were trying to save their brother, Wakko, from the Grim Reaper. The Reaper told them they would have to play a game to save their brother's soul.

In something reminiscent of a Calvin Klein ad, the dialog went something like this:

Yakko: "We accept."

Dot: "To accept is to yield."

Yakko: "To yield is to allowing oncoming traffic the right of way."

Dot: "Your breath is like the breeze off a landfill."

Yakko: "Food particles are wedged between your teeth."

And then shadow boxing between brother and sister begins. Great hilarity.

The point of this cartoonish example is the truth in their words. No, not that your breath is like the breeze off a landfill (although there is something stuck in your teeth -- ewww.)

It is those (not even) immortal words, "to yield is to allowing oncoming traffic the right of way." That does not mean speed up to keep up with the car beside you. It also does not mean to merge over into the lane of traffic that is CURRENTLY OCCUPIED by my car.

What it does mean is to wait for an appropriate opening -- possibly slowing down a bit -- and merge safely into traffic. I, as the driver in the main lane, will attempt to move over to another lane so you can get in easier, but don't go all road ragey on me if I can't do it.

Maybe this is all about courtesy -- something sorely lacking in our lanes of traffic. People who wouldn't think about butting in line for tickets (how rude!) wouldn't think twice about sticking their 1.5 ton monstrosity of metal in a slot way too small and at speeds that rival some NASCAR races.

Be safe, be polite and be patient. You have to yield to me, but I may choose to yield to you if you are nice.

Stress makes people notice the weirdest things. After receiving a call about another house bid being rejected, I just started staring out the window of our apartment. A squirrel carrying a nut hopped by, stopped, and started digging a hole -- presumably to bury his nut. I saw him jam the seed into the ground, replace the dirt over top and tamp it down with his tiny paws. He then sat up, paused, and began to dig the dirt all over again, where upon finding his treasure again, pulled it out of the ground and ate it on the spot. What does it all mean? I guess all that digging made him hungry. Just another surreal moment in my world. Glad I could share it with you. "So that's why you have a gas-powered garlic press? No, I have that because garlic must pay."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me or add a comment below and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Hulk Smash!

2005-03-08T06:56:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lateness of this week's post. I have to say that I have been totally distracted by personal business -- so much so that I have lost countless hours of sleep and a few more strands of hair.

I thought going to college was stressful. I thought getting married was stressful. Both of these life-altering situations pale in comparison to attempting to buy a home for the first time.

I jokingly state to anyone within earshot that I have a reservation already made at the Sinai 7 Chest Pain unit. I've already been there once so I know the accommodations very well.

We have been searching for about a month now for a new home -- one that we own. Apartment living can only go so far and there are still wedding presents that are in boxes and haven't seen the light of day -- and I've been married for about 18 months now.

It isn't the visiting of homes that creates the stress. Actually, that is the fun part because you get to see the insides of homes and see what people have done and how they live their lives.

It isn't the poring over of legal papers. I have a great theoretical mind, not theoretically have a great mind. At one time, I entertained thoughts of becoming a chemist or physicist -- but pesky colorblindness got in the way of that.

The bandying about of huge numbers doesn't really bother me at all -- because it is all on paper. I'm sure once I actually have to write those big numbers that it will be a different story altogether.

No, the biggest stress creator for me is picking out a dream home, figuring the finances and then waiting to see if your bid gets selected. And then the disappointment that follows after you get rejected.

I don't do rejection well. There hasn't been a job where I have interviewed that I have not been offered the job. Nearly all of my previous relationships have ended amicably without either side's feelings getting hurt in the process.

But to find out that I can't have a home where I have already planned out where my desk is going, which way the bed will face and where the cat litter box will be created enough turmoil to power a small city -- like Los Angeles.

Family and friends are trying to boost my spirits. I appreciate it greatly. And I know we'll find a better place that we love even more.

But this still stinks. Good thing I'm taking it out on my computer and my hockey opponents. I just hope they are as understanding when the next rejection comes.

I think most of this comes from wanting not to fail, feeling like I can do the heavy lifting and being the strong one. I'm feeling very weak and tired. Usually, that's when I'm most dangerous. Fair warning. "This is what you get when you mess with us."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me or add a comment below and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Gaze Into The Crystal Ball

2005-02-28T06:41:00.000-05:00

I know you will read this column unless at this point you decide not to read it just to prove me wrong.

I predict you will scoff/laugh/cry at least once before the end of this column.

I can't tell you if you actually will scoff/laugh/cry so be sure and get angry with me if you don't.

There are very few people who make their living by predicting the future. Stock brokers, gamblers, fortunetellers and meteorologists all fall into that category.

Most of us glance at our horoscope, wonder if it will happen, totally believe in it at the end of the day if it does or dismiss it out of hand if it doesn’t. We like to think we know what is going to happen and search for someone -- anyone -- to tell us so we can feel better.

However, as hard as we search and want, we get really upset if someone we want to tell us the future is wrong. Stockbrokers and gamblers can cost us money that we "invest" with them. Fortunetellers cost us money because we pay them.

Meteorologists are a different situation. While brokers and gamblers can increase our bank accounts and fortunetellers can reassure that we are (insert prediction you want to come true), meteorologists can control very important aspects of our lives.

Recent forecasts by the National Weather Service and all the television meteorologists in the area have been predicting some sort of precipitation falling from the sky. The tricky part has been trying to decide what type of precip is falling and when it will change from one to another.

I have to admit that I listen to these guys and gals and plan my day accordingly. I also shake my head when they are off, but I never, EVER flame them. I completely understand that they are trying to predict Mother Nature -- whom I think listens to the forecasts and changes them just to mock the meteorologists.

It amazes me though how many people get so mad because their predictions don't come true. These meteorologists use their training, skill and expertise to give them the best shot at telling us what is coming down -- or not coming down.

(Let me peel back the curtain for a moment.)

Viewers often blast the meteorologists by saying something along the lines of "if I did my job like you do yours, I'd get fired." I always think, "what the heck is your job and how often are you predicting the future?"

Thinking along those lines, I want my police officers at the scene of the crime before it happens. I want road crews to fill the pothole before it is created. I want the restaurant to prepare my food before I get there and order it. I want teachers to instruct children on what they should know specifically for what they are going to do when they get out of school -- not give them skill sets to prepare them for whatever they are going to do.

Before you hit the "send" button, I am not criticizing any of those professions. I really don't expect anyone to exactly predict any of that. However, I do want police to patrol to prevent crime, road crews to fix roads that are broken, restaurants to have the foods I want and teachers to give children a good education.

I also want the meteorologists to analyze the data, use their training and give me their best shot.

And it doesn't cost me any money either. So I guess I'm getting what I pay for.

Now, if I get can get my bookie on the line in time for the World Series and find my Tarot cards...

Long time readers will notice that this is familiar territory. I also wonder why people feel compelled to write and threaten to (go to another web site/watch another station/come here and beat me up). Then, when you offer them an explaination to their complaint, they are loving, begging for forgiveness, and saying you are their favorite (web site/television show/station). Total weirdness -- but that's another rant. "No time for love, Dr. Jones!"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me or add a comment below and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Surprise Gift

2005-02-21T10:28:00.000-05:00

Last week, I made the comment about getting my wife a tech gift. It was something she wanted and something I knew she would enjoy.

She opened it up on Valentine's Day, was shocked and happy, and happiness in the household was ensured. Plus, she really wanted one so I got the right gift.

A couple of days later, she actually opened the box. Now, understand that tech gifts like iPods are usually small and the boxes that contain them aren't that big at all.

So, imagine if you will, hearing a voice call to me from the other room, "Why are there batteries in the box?"

Batteries?? The device has an internal battery, but it isn't one that comes with batteries. In the eternal wisdom of men everywhere, I replied, "What do you mean -- batteries?"

"Come and see," she replied.

Sure enough. I walked into the room to see my wife holding an open box and 4 "D" cell batteries. Peculiar, I thought.

"Where is the iPod?" I asked.

"There isn't one," she said.

I think the only time I ever moved faster to pick up something was during baseball season, but I swooped down on the now empty box faster than an eagle on a salmon in the river.

To say I was flustered would be putting it mild. To say I was stunned would be closer.

It wasn't quite rage, but if I was Bruce Banner, I would have been turning slightly green. (If you don't understand the reference, let me know.)

Here is the picture: no iPod, 4 "D" cell batteries, no manual, no headphones and no charger -- all inside a sealed box.

I called the store where I purchased the device and explained my story to the woman who answered the phone. I had to explain it again before she transferred me to the loss control officer at the store.

After explaining it another two times, the officer told me to bring everything back to the store and they would take care of it. I have to say that I was pretty impressed with myself for not raising my voice or losing my cool despite the number of times I had to repeat my story.

I will say that the store was very nice and quickly refunded my money. They didn't have another one in stock -- I'm not sure I would have accepted it anyway -- so I went searching for another Valentine's Day gift.

I stopped at the Apple Store in the Towson Town Center, where they had plenty in stock and I got one immediately. I told them the story about what had happened and they were still laughing about it as I walked out of the store.

There isn't any witty commentary on this one. This story is so incredible that it stands on its own. And yes, the events you have just read are true. No names were changed to protect anybody.

I'm a chiphead -- not a geek. I play video games. I have cool toys. I read comics online, but not just any comics. They talk about games, cartoons and things that take my mind away from the world of news. However, this one talks about how Warner Bros. plans on updating Bugs and Daffy to make them hipper and edgier. If they hadn't "sanitized for my protection" the cartoons that I grew up with, they wouldn't have this issue. Prior planning prevents poor performance -- so does caving to "save my children because I'm too busy to do it myself" groups. "I am the Grim Reaper. I don't have too go to school."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me or add a comment below and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

The Cure Or The Disease?

2005-02-14T07:49:00.000-05:00

Is the cure worse than the disease?

I'm taking medicine to treat a condition I have. One of the things the doctor told me about was the possible side effects. By taking this medicine at this particular dosage, I am putting my liver at risk.

The alternative is to allow my condition to roll merrily along and risk a serious heart incident -- I never use the word "attack".

So I keep taking the medicine and try to pay attention to the warning signs about possible liver damage. So far, everything is cooperating and my body is healthy, but it is quite the quandary.

I wonder if the Baltimore City government is going through the dilemma. A recent report showed that the city posted the bloodiest January since 1973. Thirty-two people were killed in the city during that month and 6 others were killed in early February.

Of those victims, 90 percent had criminal records and nearly 70 percent had been arrested for violent crimes. As health commissioner Dr. Peter Beilenson told The New York Times, "Baltimore is actually a very safe city if you are not involved in the drug trade."

When I shared this statistic with some friends, one of them said the numbers pleased them. By their rationalization, they said the police should let the bad guys knock each other off and there will be less crime all around.

The reactionary in me leaned toward agreeing with my friend. Anything to reduce crime and danger has to be good for us law-abiding citizens, right?

The scientist in me finds all kinds of flaws with the argument. As many downtown Baltimore homeowners can attest to, when you move bad guys out of one neighborhood, there are others who are willing and ready to step into the void.

One colleague of mine who lives in Federal Hill said he wouldn't mind if the police sectioned off the town and imposed "a kind of martial law" to get all the criminals out of his neighborhood. That seems to be an argument about personal freedoms versus security.

Baltimore City Mayor Martin O'Malley has been trying to reduce the number of homicides and the incidents of crime in the city since he was elected in 1999. The paradox of statistics shows that while the murder rate has been creeping back up in the past few years, officials said the overall crime rate is falling.

But the bigger problem with rising homicides is the act of revenge and grudges. As Beilenson told The Times, "Violence is very personal, because everyone knows everyone else or is a relative. If you shoot someone, the retribution will be fast and sure."

It is very cyclical and it is a cycle that needs to be broken. Whether the police can step in and stop the "personal" violence is difficult to say. They are trying with increase patrols and crackdowns in the most dangerous neighborhoods.

What is not acceptable is to allow the bad guys to kill each other off. This is not a guerrilla war, but there is collateral damage as doctors report people who are shot in the crossfire of bullets are victims who have nothing to do with the crime surrounding them.

I have lived in and around Baltimore for the last 7 years and spend nearly 14 years in Maryland before that. This is a proud and historic city with many vibrant neighborhoods and history that stretches back to the founding of our great nation.

I have never felt unsafe in my time here. I pay attention to my surroundings and don't put myself in bad situations.

The city needs to find a way to convince everyone -- good guys and bad guys -- that the bullets and blood mentality of some of our citizens needs to stop.

For the safety of everyone.

Happy Valentine's Day. Did you remember to get your sweetie something? I argue with people about virtual gifts. Virtual gifts and e-cards are a very nice way to let someone special know that you are thinking about them. However, if your special someone isn't tecno-savvy, you are signing your own "doghouse" card. Gifts should be personalized and make sense for the recipient, not the giver. Or you can do like I did and give a tech gift. I'll convert her yet. "For if I hold my tongue I'll never lose my voice"

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me at lfrum@ibsys.com and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

Intruder Alert, Intruder Alert!

2005-02-07T04:56:00.000-05:00

I'm here today to tell you there is no such thing as "just the flu."

The flu is a vile, foul and evil creature. It will beat you down, steal your wallet, spend your money on things like medicine and dance around you as it is doing it.

Despite what people wish for you when they find out you have the flu (take it easy and get some rest), they may as well have wished for a rocket ship to the moon. There is nothing easy about the flu and rest is totally out of the question.

I have been laid up with this nasty virus for almost a week now. Fever, aches, chills, coughs -- you name the symptom and I've got it. And then I get all the associated problems with that -- sore ribs from coughing, headaches from the fever, night sweats from the chills -- and I can understand why people dodge the flu as if it was the plague, only worse.

I'm a relatively intelligent person. It only took me a couple days of self-treatment (no weird home remedies, though) for me to realize I needed to go to the doctor. In reality, it took my wife an even shorter amount of time and she called the doctor for me.

My doctor looked in my ears ("they are filled with fluid"), took my temperature ("yep, you are running a fever"), looked down my throat ("pretty irritated down there") and proclaimed me sick with the flu. I walked out of the office with a list of instructions and three prescriptions.

You see, there is no way to actually treat the flu. You treat the symptoms. And since I had several symptoms, the medicines were going to attack them one at a time. There were two medicines to knock down the fever and deal with the aches, one to deal with the congestion, two to deal with the coughing and one more to help me sleep. I felt like I had a complete pharmacy running through my veins.

I think the worst part of it all has been the lack of sleep. Exhaustion always seems to make things worse. There has been a persistent fog inside my head and hallucinations were not out of the question. For example, I dreamed I was answering e-mails using mental telepathy -- except I wasn't asleep and my eyes were open. And some of these hallucinations may go on to star in their own horror movies.

Even my normally snuggly cats didn't want to have anything to do with me. They stayed away as much as possible and fled when I came shambling down the hallway. Honestly, if they didn't know me by smell, I swear they probably would have arched their backs and hissed at me or just knocked me over since they have more strength than I do right now.

However, all is not lost. The doctor said the flu usually runs its course in about 7 to 10 days. I'm nearing the end of my personal purgatory. And granted, this isn't even close to the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

But the next time someone gets the flu, they will have my sympathies and my distance. There is no way I want to get this again.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wife who is starting to cough and get the chills. Here we go again.

Honestly, this is all I have dealt with this past week. I haven't paid attention to any news, sports, or anything that wasn't flu related. I know there was a State of the Union speech this week and I think I heard that the Pope got the flu too. For the record, I didn't give it to him. And I took two naps in the time it took me to write out this column. I admit it. I'm pretty pathetic. "I don't know. Fly casual."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me at lfrum@ibsys.com and tell me what you think or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.

A New Beginning

2005-01-31T08:05:00.000-05:00

If you have found me on this site, you are (a) coming from my former home site (and thank you for coming to the new one), (b) part of the TEA mailing list (and if you aren't, you should think about joining), or (c) lost.

If you chose (c) ... (insert maniacal laughter).

The past few weeks have been wrapped up in searching for a new home for Touch 'Em All, the establishment of this area, and the negotiations to try to stay in my old home. So, I have been very neglectful in many aspects, but let me see if I can get you up to date.

I found a Long John's Silvers restaurant about 3 miles away from work. LJS is a weakness for me, but now that is it close, I find the wanting to be stronger than the actual having.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to chow on a Fish & More when the mood strikes me, but the desires are lessened now that I have ready access to krispies.

But what about my blood chemistry and weight?

The weight is holding steady at a number that I (and my doctor) are quite happy with. My cholesterol numbers dropped 120 points in one month -- shocking!

Shocking, though, is the state of affairs in Maryland. The governor is proposing many things for the state and it feels like slots will fund nearly every one of them.

It isn't that I'm against slots, because I'm just not a gambler with my money. My mentality is another matter.

The governor wants so badly to get slots into Maryland that he proposes to raise education funding -- if slots pass. His State of the State speech was sprinkled with slots talk throughout.

Slots are slots -- nothing more and nothing less. They are not a cure-all for the financial woes that plague our state. They are a distraction, but do they draw in money that normally wouldn't be in our state? The governor is willing to make that gamble in order to boost the coffers of the state.

However, gambling with our future is another matter. We shouldn't have to rely on the weaknesses of others to move our state forward. We need to find ways to make the tough choices and sacrifices in order to get what we want and need.

The recent snowstorms have kept me indoors and glued to my Playstation and computer. I have been reading some online gamer comics strips recently, and I shared one with my wife. She read it, smiled, looked at me and said, "my little geek." I prefer the term "chiphead," which was given to me by a former news director I worked with who looked like Yosemite Sam -- and was a genius in the newsroom (get well soon, Jim). More silliness next week now that I've gotten some serious stuff off my plate. Since I'm on my own now, there will be no disclaimer -- but there will be pie. "It is against my programming to impersonate a deity."

Touch 'em all with me, whether you agree with me or criticize me. I like the way you think! Tell me your opinion. Write to me at lfrum@ibsys.com with your opinion or if you want to join the ever-growing e-mail list to have my column delivered right to your inbox.